Give Your Heart A Break
by DarkElements10
Summary: Since they first met there was something different about Kendall and Riley. They didn't just happen to fall in love with each other. It was a long drawn out process that grew out of the friendship they both cherished. But that didn't mean they both didn't almost throw it away to make each other happy, no matter how much it hurt to do so. *Inspired by the Demi Lovato Song
1. (Prologue) The Day I First Met You

**Give Your Heart A Break**

 **By: Riley**

 **Summary – **Since they first met there was something different about Kendall and Riley. They didn't just happen to fall in love with each other. It was a long drawn out process that grew out of the friendship they both cherished. But that didn't mean they both didn't almost throw it away to make each other happy, no matter how much it hurt to do so.

 ***Inspired by the Demi Lovato Song**

* * *

 **.:Prologue:.**

* * *

Kendall's entire reason to go to LA and make a demo CD with his friends was to get Gustavo Rocque off his freaking back. How many times could you say 'no' to someone and really mean it before they got the hint? Besides, music was never on his radar. Not seriously. There was a difference between singing to pass the time of what was a slow shift at a grocery store and making it a career. It was laughable, honestly. That _he'd_ ever be able to make it in the music industry when hockey was his true passion. But he took the opportunity that came his way and made it work so that his friends came with him.

May as well humor Gustavo, right? Had he known it was something that would've changed the rest of his life, he would've jumped on the opportunity the second it was handed to him, hockey be damned. Because it wasn't just finding a new passion that made his fears of the decision ease away, but the fact he met some of the most important people in his life just by agreeing to go.

And he almost ruined the most special friendship—relationship—he'd ever had.

Riley on the other hand was all business with her career in the music industry. It wasn't her dream; she still wanted to be either a professional surfer or a pediatrician, but loved music so much it was foreign not to see her writing down any lyrics. But the point of the music industry that those on the outside didn't seem to understand was that it was a business first, something she'd grown savvy to since she and her siblings entered it when she was young. So much so that when Kendall and his friends walked into Rocque Records' costume closet for the first time they barely registered on her radar as anything more than potential co-workers.

If they lasted that long.

One look at them and she sized them up quickly; James wanted it a little too much—which easily could be taken advantage of by the wrong person—Carlos clearly just wanted to have fun, Logan was a little too cautious and had little confidence, and Kendall…was harder to place. On one hand he annoyed the hell out of her from his flippant attitude towards the industry, but on the other hand there was something certainly interesting about the way he'd argued to get his way over the style picked out for them. It really was a fight over a 'stupid pair of shoes' she'd later say, but it at least showed her the ambition and drive he had which caught her attention.

Honestly, it was then she thought the boys had a chance in the industry after writing them off initially. Had she'd known how important all of them would be to her and her brothers and sister she would've immediately jumped to defend them the moment they were brought in. Something about Kendall stood out to her that resonated on a deeper level.

Had she known what it was sooner, had been able to admit to herself what it was, it would've saved a lot of confusion, heartache, and the potential of missing out on the best thing either of them could have.

* * *

 **A/N:** So this was request of me a while ago, a short story that detailed everything that happened with Lucy/Kendall/Riley, but I extended it to work Jo in as will. I think I'll be doing that with some other BTR stories that go through BTR episodes but also have to do with my characters, make them short stories. In this case, the episodes are happening in the background (unless the plot is in the direct forefront) and these parts happen around it.

Let me know what other things we've mentioned from our character timelines and I may get to them. For this story the chapters can be as short as drabbles or as long as my action fic chapters, so be forewarned of the fluctuation. I have this going from season 2-3 so far, but may extend it to some season 4 episodes as well.

 **Cheers,**

 **Riles**


	2. You Told Me You Never Fall in Love

**.:Chapter One:.**

* * *

"She's leaving!" Riley jumped at the sudden outburst behind her. She leaned to the side and picked up a baseball bat that leaned against the wall. Whipping around, Riley found Kendall closing the door to the costume closet of Rocque Records with a hard slam, making her flinch. "Sorry," he quickly apologized, only seconds before berating her with, "She's leaving!" Again.

Riley lifted a hand from the neck of the baseball bat and wiggled a finger in her ear. "Mate, the moment my fucking hearing comes back, could you please repeat what you just said?" She watched, her blue eyes following his every move as he turned and fell onto the couch, arms and legs dangling to the floor. Finally, she blinked and moved to sit on the coffee table in front of him, pushing aside _Rolling Stones_ and _Pop Tiger_ magazines for space. "Now, Hockey-Head, what are you on about?"

Kendall sighed heavily, making his back arch before he turned his head to the side. He pressed his cheek into the cushions and mumbled, "Jo got the part in the Chauncy Jackson movie."

Riley's eyes lit up. "She did? Ace!"

"It's filming in New Zealand for three years."

"New Zealand's a great place to live, beauty…if you like all the sheep."

"She's leaving this week."

"I reckon that's the aggro part you were just screaming at me."

Kendall nodded. He sucked in a deep breath and said pitifully. "She's going to be leaving, for three years, to film three movies in a series in New Zealand." As if spurned on by saying the words out loud, he swung his legs to the ground and sat up, resting his chin in his hands. "And Logan wants to be there for me and James wants to give me his list of girls who aren't hot enough for him but _perfect_ for me—"

"—Am I on that list?" Riley asked.

Kendall's face screwed up. "I don't know. Why would you be on that list?"

Riley blinked back at him. She could tell him the truth, but, honestly, wasn't sure how he'd react to it. It wasn't like it was his business anyway, there were plenty of things she kept from him. Being best friends didn't mean they had to tell each other, _everything_ she rationalized. She was sure there were plenty of things he hadn't told her. Actually, there _was_ one thing she knew for sure he hadn't told her.

That he had feelings for her. They'd started out as barely acquaintances, him trying hard to make friends with her and her siblings as they were working on their music together, and she tried her hardest to keep him away. All because she knew her foster father at the time would've probably beaten him up as badly as he beat her and her brothers and sister. Since Robert left, she could admit that she had become his friend and more since then.

"I was just asking," she finally replied.

But Kendall didn't seem to notice her hesitation for he added with an amused smile, "And Carlos won't stop hugging me."

Riley shrugged. "Well, he _is_ a hugger, Hockey-Head," she pointed out then reached behind to rub her lower back. "I think the last time he hugged me he actually broke my bloody back."

Kendall's smile widened. Then he sighed again, Riley was starting to hate that sound, and leaned back, staring at the ceiling. "Gustavo wants us to work on this song called _Worldwide_ which is about a love that's torn apart when that special someone moves halfway across the world."

Now Riley winced. "Wow, the world seems to really hate you today, yeah?"

"You got that right," Kendall said with a humorless laugh. He was silent for a long moment and Riley watched him, wondering what to say. He hadn't asked her for her advice yet but she knew it was coming and, honestly, she didn't know what she'd say. And that made her feel…strange. And, honestly, a little guilty.

Sudden, Kendall sat straight up, his eyes shining. "But Katie said I should get her to break up with me and I think that's what I'm going to go with. Great, thanks for talking!" He patted her on the knee and leapt up to go to the door, arms swinging with renewed vigor. "See ya!"

Riley's mouth dropped open in horror filled surprise. When she found her voice, she called after him. "That's not a good idea." He kept going. "That—that's not a good ide—" she started to stamp the top of the baseball bat on the ground to punctuate her words. "That. Is. Not. A. Good. Id-ea!" She pointed menacingly at him with the bat and growled through gritted teeth, "Sit down!"

Kendall did as he was told, practically throwing himself back onto the couch and held up his hands defensively. Riley let out a long breath and tossed the baseball bat aside. It clattered along the floor, breaking the silence that stretched between them for a minute. Finally, she clasped her hands between her knees and leaned towards Kendall so that she was looking him in the eye.

"Did Jo say she was going to leave?" She asked.

Kendall shook his head. "No, actually, she said she was going to stay. Because she loves being on New Town High and loves living at the Palm Woods and loves that I live there too and…" He shook his head before muttering, "and if she's in New Zealand she won't be living here anymore."

"That's sort of the point, Hockey-Head. Leaving to do a movie means leaving everything behind…the Palm Woods, the show, you…" Then her eyes shifted and she nodded. "And you don't want her to leave. But _she's_ saying she doesn't want to leave so she doesn't leave you but you don't want her to stay _because_ of you. That about right?"

"Bingo," he said. Riley nodded. "What do you think I should do?"

Riley tilted her head to the side and responded with, "What do you think?"

Kendall's lips pressed together in frustration. He should've known that was the response he was going to get. Nearly every time he asked her a question she'd respond with a with question of her own to figure things out for himself. So much so that he could nearly predict what she would say exactly when he asked a question. And yet, it worked before, helped him figure out what he wanted out of Big Time Rush when he was doubting the band and his wanting to play hockey. When he was worried about his father's return to his life and what it meant for their future and the strained relationship they had.

This was different; he could've asked James, Logan, or Carlos for their opinion on what to do. Logan more than the others. He'd been dating Camille off and on for so long, he'd give an objective opinion. But…Kendall didn't want them to know how much it was affecting him. He was Kendall Knight, the leader of their band and friendship, the glue that held them together, the one who was strong and made the right decisions all the time. They didn't need to know he was on the verge of having a massive breakdown over the whole thing because…truthfully…he wasn't sure he wanted her to stay.

How do you tell your girlfriend to go away? How did you live with yourself being the reason she stayed behind on such an amazing opportunity? Ridiculous. And then there was also…Kendall glanced at Riley and quickly looked away, his green eyes narrowing. There was too much to think about.

Why was it the most obvious things had to be the ones that were over analyzed, scrutinized, and overthought? That the most mundane things could be figured out within seconds that held consequences that couldn't otherwise be seen. Like the age-old question, if you were trapped in a burning building…

"I reckon I had the same choice to make when I came out here," Riley finally said, bringing his attention back to her. Kendall studied her face, eyes shifting back and forth from the reckless that dusted her nose, to the scar that lined from her jaw up to her cheek, to her black hair and blue eyes, finding she was being sincere. "I had a bloke I was seeing for a little over a year that I ultimately decided to leave behind to come to the states."

"What happened?" Kendall asked.

Riley smirked, spreading her hands. "You don't see him around, do you?"

"No, no, I meant—" Kendall licked his lips. He remembered when they were first getting to know each other, James had the lack of tact to point blank ask if Riley or her twin sister Rhuben had a boyfriend, Riley had mentioned she'd just broken up with someone. "How did you decide to break up with him?"

"Wasn't a hard choice, really," she admitted. "I'd been his friend for a long time before we started to date and I knew we'd still be friends after. I didn't know if we'd have the chance to try to break LA ever again so why let the opportunity slip by. He'd feel guilty if I stayed for him; a lot of reasons."

"But for three years?" Kendall asked. His voice cracked, caught in his throat. It was too painful to think about. His heart was already hurting and she hadn't left yet.

"That's about how long I've been going back and forth to Aus. It gets easier, mate. And, like I said, New Zealand is a beauty place to live. Not too far from my home, actually." Kendall didn't respond, instead he continued to stare off to the side, his hands covering his mouth, elbows resting on his knees, and eyebrows furrowed together in intense speculation. "So, what are you going to do?" Kendall shrugged. "Because I'll tell you now, boofhead, if you get her to break up with you, I'll have no choice but to use your head for batting practice," she said, nodding over to the baseball bat.

Jo was her friend, too.

The corners of Kendall's lips turned up into a smile and he ran a hand through his hair. "You're not funny," he said.

Riley grinned, running a hand through her hair. Her eyes flashed as she said, "I'm hysterical," in response.

Kendall chuckled. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I need more time to think." He lowered his hand and looked around the costume closet as if he'd only just realized where he was. "Did a bomb go off?"

"If that bomb is Gustavo, then yeah," Riley agreed. "He wanted me to organize some stuff and apparently I wasn't doing it right." She picked up a belt that was lying on the floor and turned it back and forth "I was looking for that." She turned and held it out to Kendall. "Remember this?"

"Yeah, it's part of what I wrote the first time we were performing for Griffin," Kendall said. He shook his head, looking over the garment. "Can't believe I thought that looked good."

"I had the final say, Hockey-Head, be careful what you say," she said and tossed it aside.

"Well, do you need some help?" Kendall asked. "I've got all the time in the world now. Jo and I are going out for dinner later."

Riley raised an eyebrow. "Then I suggest you take that time to figure out what it is you're going to tell Jo."

"Yeah, okay. I'll see you later." Kendall stood up and opened his arms for a hug. Riley stood as well and hugged him tightly. "Thanks for the help, Riles."

"You're welcome, Hockey-Head, I'll see you later, yeah?" She stood back, pulling her hair behind her ears as she watched him leave. He could be a little bit of an idiot at times but at least he always made the right decisions in the end.

* * *

Jo sighed, pulling her heels off her feet as she walked off the bus. The last thing she expected that night was to go on a long bus ride to get back to the Palm Woods, but that's what happened when your boyfriend started to act like a jerk in the middle of your date, causing you to argue.

It was supposed to be a fun night between the two of them, reveling in the fact that she was going to be staying in LA. They were going to have a beautiful dinner and get dressed up and have a great time acting like adults—she'd seen the prices on the menu and started to suggest they go to Fun Burger before Kendall reassured her that money wasn't a problem. Then they were supposed to go walking on the beach and look at the stars or…or go to the Palm Woods Park and cuddle and talk about what they were going to do on their next date. They were supposed to hug and laugh and kiss and maybe make-out a little.

They were _not_ get into a shouting match with each other about whether she was going to go to New Zealand after they decided not to talk about it.

 _"I mean, it's not like it's a problem, anyway" Kendall said after taking a sip of his water. "You already said you weren't going to go."_

 _"I know," Jo said quickly. "I mean, I was just thinking about it. Can you imagine living over there? I've been looking online and it's one of the best landscapes in the world. The water's so blue and the grass is so green."_

 _Kendall smiled a little. "We have green grass here in LA." He looked around the patio of the restaurant then added, "Well, most of it's covered by concrete, but you get the idea. Just go out to the parks and you'll find some green grass."_

 _"And, you know, the filmed the Lord of the Rings movies there, those are your favorites, aren't they?" Jo continued._

 _", my favorite is Anchorman," Kendall said. He flipped his napkin in his lap and started to spin his fork around his fingers, just as he would with a hockey stick if he were bored._

 _Jo gave a small smile and he smiled back, looking away after a minute. Jo's eyebrows came together. There was something wrong, she could feel it. They weren't acting the way they always did. Even holding his hand on the way to the restaurant was weird. It was like she was holding the hand of a stranger. "What's wrong, Kendall?" She asked._

 _He looked at her and smiled. "Why would anything be wrong? I'm here with you."_

 _"I know but…" Jo traced the lace pattern of the tablecloth with her fingertip. "You're not talking so much."_

 _"I'm just listening to you talk about…New Zealand." He said it as if the words were rocks in his mouth and practically grimaced at the end. "You seem to be really interested in it."_

 _"You don't think you'd want to visit someday?"_

 _"Not if I don't have a reason to. And you're not going so…" Kendall looked at her curiously. "Why? Are you thinking of—?"_

 _"No," Jo swiftly interrupted. She gave a nervous laugh. "No, I just…I'd really like to go visit someday. You know, when the show stops filming or something. Just to see what it's like. You know the Jacksons are always talking about how much they love their home."_

 _"Yeah, but that's Australia. Not New Zealand."_

 _Jo frowned. "I think I know the difference, Kendall. I was just saying—"_

 _"That you were researching a country that you don't plan on going to," Kendall said. "Yeah, I get it."_

 _"Are you sure everything's okay, Kendall?" Jo pressed._

 _"I don't know." He shrugged. His eyes flashed. He lips quivered as if he were trying not to scowl. "Are you sure you're not going to New Zealand."_

 _"So that's what this is about."_

 _"Of course, it's what it's about! Jo, you have the opportunity to go to New Zealand and you want to go!"_

 _"I don't!"_

 _"But you do! I can see it in your face. You want to go so badly it's almost killing you to sit here across from me."_

 _Jo looked around, noticing the looks they were getting and lowered her voice. "What are you getting mad for? I decided not to go, remember? Or did I not tell you? My agent said I could get out of my New Town High contract and do the movie if I wanted to. But I decided to stay here with you."_

 _"Don't do me any favors." Kendall held up his hands. "I don't want you to hate me for the rest of your life because you decided not to go."_

 _Jo placed her face in her hands. "I'm not going to hate you, Kendall. God." She lifted her chin and looked him in the eye, tears starting to come to her own. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go. "…Do you not want me to go?"_

 _"I didn't say that," he said defensively._

 _"So you want me to go?"_

 _"I didn't say that either."_

 _"Then what are you saying?"_

 _"I'm saying, Jo…" Kendall sucked in a deep breath through his nose, licked his lips. "I'm saying you need to make a decision. And it can't be because you're afraid of what I or anyone else would day. And this is driving me crazy."_

 _Jo stood up and tossed her napkin down onto the table. "Well, I don't want to drive you crazy anymore. I'm going home."_

She looked around the parking lot, letting out a sigh of relief when she saw the Big Time Rush mobile wasn't there. Normally she enjoyed riding around in the convertible, but that night the look of it would've made her sick. She walked into the Palm Woods, ducking underneath Bitter's view as he watched a movie on his laptop, shouting at the screen, and went to the apartment she shared with her father.

"Hey Joey," he greeted her as she walked in. "How was your date?"

Jo glanced at him. He never cared about her dating Kendall, never even liked him since he'd kept her out past curfew. Or else he was just naturally suspicious; being part of the CIA didn't help and her being his only daughter made it worse. "Things were fine, dad," Jo replied. "It was good."

Mr. Taylor studied his daughter, lowering the volume of the football game playing on TV. "You sound kind of funny, sweetie, is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, I'm just a little tired." She walked into her room, pulling her hair down from the fancy twists she'd put it in that night. Turning to her mirror, Jo studied her reflection. Perfect makeup, a new dress, new shoes…all wasted. Tears came to her eyes and Jo turned to flop onto her bed, picking up her laptop from the floor. She turned it on and video called Camille who answered a second later.

"Hey girl, how was your date?" Camille asked with a finger-wave. Then she noticed the tears in Jo's eyes and frowned. "No. Oh, Jo, what happened?"

"We got into a fight," Jo replied. She sniffed, finally allowing the tears to fall down her cheeks. "I don't know what happened. We were just talking and everything fell apart."

"I thought you were going to tell him you were going to stay," Camille said. She ran a hand through her hair and her nose wrinkled, the way it always did when she was confused. "I mean, I'm going to kill him anyway, but I'd like to know what I'm getting into before I do it."

Jo giggled. "You're a good friend, Camille."

"It's nothing." Camille waved her hand modestly. "Besides, it'd give me the chance to try out that bad cop thing for my upcoming audition." Jo giggled again. "What happened?" Camille asked gently.

"Let me get the other girls on so I don't have to repeat myself," Jo said. She typed in a few names on the search bar and a few moment later Stephanie, Riley, and Rhuben were all on the video chat. Rhuben leaned forward to study the screen as soon as she came on.

"Have you been crying?" She asked. At Jo's nod she leaned back and asked, "What happened?"

"Kendall and I got into a fight."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Oh God, what did the boofhead do this time?"

Jo rattled off everything that had happened. How they argued. How they continued to go in circles about what she was going to do and how she decided to stay for him. How she had the opportunity to go and how mixed up she was. "And so, I left and took the bus back and—" Jo trailed off, throwing her hands into the air. "I guess we broke up and…God, I want to punch him in the face!" She ran her hand over her face. "It was like he was trying to get me to break up with him or something." Silence stemmed from the rest of the girls. Jo moved her mouse around for a second, checking to see if her sound had suddenly cut out. "Hello?"

"We're still here," Stephanie said quickly. "It's just…"

"I told him it was a bad idea," Riley said bluntly.

Jo looked at all her friends, then her eyes widened. "Wait, you all knew?" She asked. "He told you?"

"Mhm."

"And you didn't warn me?" The tears were coming faster now. "He was trying to get me to break up with him so I wouldn't take the role but I really want the role and…and—"

"If it helps, Jo," Rhuben said quickly. "Before he went on the date, the bloke changed his mind and said he couldn't do that to you. To make you break up with him, I mean. James, Logan, and Carlos talked to him. I reckon the lot did something right for once."

Jo pressed her hands to her face and took a calming breath. So everyone knew he had originally wanted to get her to break up with him. But why? She figured it out in the next split second. He wanted her to go to New Zealand. He wanted her to take the part. _But why couldn't he just say that?_

"Did any of you guys talk to him today?" She asked. "Other than the whole wanting to break up thing?"

Riley nodded and ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah, he stopped by Rocque Records earlier today when I was organizing."

"Oh, is _that_ what you meant when you were saying you want to put a hit out on Gustavo?" Rhuben asked, laughing at her twin when she nodded. "That makes sense then."

"I don't think the world would be upset if Gustavo suddenly were to disappear for a little while," Stephanie added with a laugh.

Camille giggled. "I think the boys wouldn't mind either."

Jo glared at her friends and they immediately changed the subject. Riley held up her hand and said, "He was really worried about what it meant with you leaving and freaked out." She lowered her voice. "And, it sounded to me, that he wants you to go."

Jo twisted her mouth to the side. She was afraid of that. "Thanks guys," she said. "I need to think."

"See ya."

"Bye."

"Hoo-roo."

Jo closed her computer and pushed it aside, curling up into a ball.

Finally, she cried.

* * *

The next afternoon, Kendall sprinted through the throng of people that stood in between him and being able to get to Jo. Shoved people left and right, hearing the footsteps of his friends thundering along behind him. And there were probably a few security guards running after them as well. But he didn't care, he needed to get to Jo before he left.

They needed to say goodbye properly, with their goodbye kiss. How could he have been so stupid to forget? Their goodbye was awkward he insisting she call her agent and say she was going to go to New Zealand all the while she tried to apologize for her attitude while at dinner. Both realizing they didn't have much of a choice any more but to break up. Then it had hit him like a ton of bricks that they hadn't kissed goodbye for the last time, for some closure.

With his mother and Katie already gone into the city for the day, the buses running too slow, not enough money for a taxi, or even to fill up their tank to get to the airport, they had no choice but to call the Jacksons for a ride.

"You want us to go on a kamikaze mission to the airport just so you can kiss Jo goodbye?" Patrick had asked. "Didn't you say goodbye to her yesterday?"

And Noah, his twin, had shoved him out of the way before handing the phone over to his sisters. "We just need to get there in time to keep her from getting through security," Kendall pleaded.

"Yeah, do it for true love!" Carlos added.

"Like you'd even know what that is," James mocked him.

"At least he's not in love with his own reflection," Logan said.

Kendall glared at his three best friends and they all shut up, pressing their lips together looking at their feet. With a sigh, Kendall put the phone back to his ear. "Come on, I really need your help. If you do this I promise I'll be your best friend."

"You already are, Hockey-Head," Riley pointed out. She thought for a moment and seemed to have conversed with her siblings for she said, "Well, there hasn't been security that we haven't been able to get past yet."

"You probably shouldn't have said that out loud, though," Sydney, the youngest, whispered before they hung up. Not even ten minutes later, their minivan pulled up in front of the Palm Woods, brakes squealing as they did so. The boys piled in and they sped off to the airport, racing inside as they went.

"There she is!" Carlos's shout grabbed her attention and Kendall slid into line, moving in front of Jo.

She blinked in surprise, suddenly finding him in front of her and the rest of her friends gathered around. "What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Dying," Logan gasped, bringing a hand to his chest as he gasped for air. He waved a hand at the two, turning away to catch his breath. "You go ahead." Rhuben reached over and started to pat his back.

"I forgot to say goodbye," Kendall explained to Jo, his eyes searching hers. "The way…we always do."

Jo smiled and nodded.

Kendall nodded back and leaned in, pressing his lips against hers in a sweet kiss. That was it, sweet. Not passionate, nothing that felt how they would miss each other. They'd gotten it out of their systems earlier that morning. Now was just Goodbye. See you later. Whenever she would come back. Three years wasn't that long was it?

Then Kendall pulled back and smiled a small smile down at her. Jo smiled and ducked her head before turning to give each of her friends their own goodbyes. She gave James and Logan huge hugs before laughing and patting Carlos on the back as he started to cry. Then she gave each of the Jacksons their hugs, leaving Riley for last.

"Hey," Jo said, grasping her friend by the shoulders. Riley waited for what she had to say, confused. "Take care of him for me, okay?" She gave Riley a hug and smiled at her friends, blowing them a kiss before walking onto the plane.

Kendall waved back, watching until she disappeared around the corner and the door closed behind her. Then he turned and walked over to the window to watch her plane take off, not moving until it was up in the sky and out of sight.

"You going to be okay?"

He looked over and saw Riley standing next to him, looking up at him curiously. He smiled, making her smile back. "Yeah," he said. "I'll be fine."

* * *

Jo closed her eyes as Los Angeles was left behind, her plane pulling up above the clouds. As it leveled off, she opened her eyes and brought her fingers to her lips, tracing the path of where his lips had moved over her in their final goodbye kiss. She let out a long sigh and looked out the window, watching the clouds roll by.

It was hard taking the plunge, leaving everything she'd known over the last few years behind on a big opportunity that may not pay off. It was hard leaving Kendall and all her friends behind.

But the hardest part was knowing Kendall's feelings for her was changing while he didn't seem to be aware of it at all.

* * *

 **A/N:** I usually have multiple paragraphs in the chapter to explain backstory of BTR's friendship and relationship with the Jacksons (my OCs, Riley and her siblings) but I felt it would drag things down so I tried to do it differently this time around. If you need the backstory, let me know.

 **Cheers,**

 **Riles**


	3. But Now That I Get You

**.:Chapter Two:.**

* * *

The first day, Kendall did nothing but play hockey. He left the crib at dawn, went down to the Melrose Rink-A-Rena and skated hard. He did laps, did slapshots, worked on skating backwards, and even lifted weights. Kendall hated nothing more than working out and lifting weights, it wasn't the sort of fitness he enjoyed doing but knew the value of it for hockey. He threw himself back into it like he was working out for his former high school team. It was all he could do to keep his mind off what happened. And even then, he worked hard from morning to night, going back to the Crib where everyone—despite trying their hardest to be supportive—pissed him off.

"Hey, do you want to watch TV?" Carlos asked, passing the remote over to him. "You can watch whatever you want."

"Don't worry about doing your homework tonight," Logan added. "I'll do it for you." Then he couldn't help but lift his finger and add, "But just this one time!"

And James, who always has a little less tact, continued to try and push his List of Hot Girls on Kendall. He plopped it into Kendall's hand and flipped it open, pointing out a few girls specifically. "I'd suggest Kara Block to go out with first. She really works hard to take care of the environment, eats very healthy, is all about yoga, blah blah blah." James opened and closed his hand like a talking mouth and added with a slap to Kendall's shoulder, "Perfect for you!"

Kendall had thanked them all for their consideration but waved them off so he could get showered and eat dinner. He hadn't eaten all day, hadn't realized how tired he was until he stood beneath the burning shower head and had to press his palms against the walls of the shower to keep himself upright. His knees buckled and shook, threatening to drop him to his knees. Then, sitting down for dinner, everyone ate quietly, shooting looks at each other while Kendall shoveled everything into his mouth, only making grunting noises when asked a question.

Finally, his mother reached out and grasped Kendall's wrist and said, "Honey, I know you miss Jo,"—she paused, allowing Kendall the time to close his eyes—"But it's not the end of the world. You'll see each other again. You have your smart phones and your social media sites…I know there's a lot you're going through right now so if you ever need to talk, I'm always here to listen."

"Yeah, we're here for you, Big Brother," Katie added with a small smile.

Kendall looked at her but didn't respond. Honestly, part of him blamed her for everything that'd happened. She was the one who suggested she let him break up with her…no. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault more than an opportunity that she couldn't afford to miss. Besides, if he hadn't taken the opportunity to go out to LA in the first place…

That was the first day.

Since then Kendall did nothing but throw himself into his work to keep his mind off things. He worked hard on every Big Time Rush related thing brought his way. If Gustavo wanted him to work on harmonies, he worked on harmonies until he couldn't talk. If he wanted them to work on choreography, he worked on choreography until he couldn't walk. He did appearances, songwriting workshops, spoke to big-wigs they needed to impress, did interviews with an about his friends, and did it all with a smile that could pass for a real one, had it not been for those that didn't know him so well.

It didn't help that Jo unfollowed him on some social media channels; he didn't blame her, he thought to do the same thing. It'd limit the exposure, rip off the band-aid so the wound could start healing. Nevertheless, the fans noticed and started to speculate. He got more notifications through his ScuttleButter and MyFace accounts than ever before, asking if they'd broken up. Neither of them responded and pretended like everything was okay. But now that the fans knew, it was harder to not see mentions of Jo anywhere.

So he busied himself.

He arranged more time to work on his choreography with Rhuben, in return giving her more guitar lessons. And it'd been fun, more than fun. Rhuben's praise of his work on the Big Time Rush choreography was scores better.

She leaned back against the mirror, watching him with a critical eye as he moved through the moves comprised in the song _Boyfriend._ "Try not to bounce so much," she said when he finished. "You have to use your hips more than your knees on this one." She smiled and nodded when Kendall did as he was told. "Just like that! Mate, you've gotten so much better!" Rhuben planted her hands on her hips and lifted her chin with pride. "I'll make a dancer out of you yet."

"I hope so," Kendall said. He held out his hands and Rhuben grabbed onto them before they lowered themselves to the studio floor to stretch. Rhuben sat in front of him and did the same. "I was tried of feeling so goofy about it."

"I reckon you don't have to worry about that, mate. Your fans would love it no matter what." She grinned and tapped her foot with his. "Now, if they paid more attention to what you do with _Big Night…"_ She spastically mimicked his movements and Kendall laughed, doing the same before swatting her on the leg. Then he leaned over and grabbed the guitar that sat next to him, showing Rhuben to do the same. "Alright, so what do you have to show me?"

"All we're going to do is play a simple 4/4 melody," Kendall said. "Keeping the strings in the natural tuning so you can work up the strength for constant strumming." He watched as Rhuben leaned over the neck of her acoustic guitar, sticking her tongue out the side of her mouth as she figured out how to arrange her fingers on the fret board. "Better yet, just keep making that face you're making and I think no one will notice you can't play the guitar."

Rhuben laughed.

Then he'd gone to play some basketball and gold with Patrick and Noah. Basketball was fun. Basketball was always fun for him, he'd even thought of trying out for the school team if hockey hadn't been his first love. Even two-on-one he came out on top, practically dancing around Patrick and Noah as he went. It helped they weren't so great at the sport—one of the few—and managed to get air balls more than anything else. Playing golf—which they hadn't done a lot of—was more fun.

Kendall stared down at his ball on the tee for a few moments, shifted his gaze to the target, and looked back at the ball again. With his head still lowered, he lifted his golf club then drove the club into the ball. It arched through the air and landed short of a pavilion, bouncing along the grass.

"You missed," Patrick commented.

"I noticed," Kendall replied. He held out his hand and took a step back. "Why don't you try?"

Noah rested his chin in his palm, elbow resting atop his club. "I know I've never played golf before, but aren't we supposed to be aiming for a hole?" He still spoke in his quiet, almost whispery voice. But with no one else on the green he could hear him clearly.

"That's not as fun," Kendall said. "Besides, it's good target practice." He watched as Patrick brought back his club and swung at the ground…driving up a clump of dirt and grass.

"Oops." Patrick backed away, looking at the spot on the ground. Whistling surreptitiously, he dragged his foot along the ground to push the grass back into place. "Eh, Ronan'll pay to fix it." Noah gave his twin brother a look, lifting his eyebrows. "If he finds out, sure," he said, answering Noah's unasked question.

Kendall smiled and motioned for Noah to take his shot, he missed as well. "Aren't we supposed to be saying something while shooting?" Noah asked. "Like, 'five' or something?"

"Fore," Kendall corrected. He moved back to the tee. Swung hard. The ball arched through the air and crashed to the roof of the pavilion. The small ball's clang against the tin roof sounded like a gunshot in the otherwise quiet day. So much so that Kendall winced, immediately dropping to the ground. It didn't take long for the shouts of security to catch his attention. "Or run. Run!"

He, Patrick, and Noah sprinted back to the golf kart and he leapt into the driver's seat, stomping his foot on the gas, peeling away at the high speed a golf kart could go.

Another day he and Sydney sat around reading Spider-Man comic books and talking about their favorite story arc. He was surprised to know Sydney had so much of an encyclopedic knowledge about the spider-like superhero but at the same time wasn't. He'd always known Sydney was smart, he'd mentioned he was part of MENSA before, also having given Logan a run for his money at times. But he'd been working so much on his music career with his and his siblings' band that sometimes Kendall forgot he was a kid.

But watching Sydney continue to spout out fact after fact of the comic, the way his eyes lit up and his voice rose in excitement at Spider-Mans' feats detailing exactly why he was the best superhero couldn't be matched.

Another day he'd gone back to the skating rink, working on his snapshots. He missed more than he got them. The power was behind it, but his aiming was off. He growled to himself, twisting the neck of his hockey stick in his hands before the sound of footsteps coming down the bleachers caught his attention.

"I thought I'd find you here," Riley remarked, coming to a stop at the last bleacher. She rested her arms on the partition that kept her form the ice and leaned toward him as Kendall skated over and skidded to a stop beside her. "I thought the crib was your favorite place to go, but you've been here a lot, Hockey-head."

Kendall shrugged, using a hand to push his sweaty bangs off his forehead. "I just…needed to work on some stuff."

Riley snorted. "I'll say." She turned her phone around and pressed her fingertip in the middle of the screen. Kendall watched the video that started to play, wincing as he noticed how long she'd been watching him and how badly he really had been playing. "Now, I reckon I don't know much about hockey, but…I thought the point was to get the puck _into_ the net."

"Ha ha." Kendall rolled his eyes and rested his hands atop his head. "I'm having an off day."

Riley laughed. "I can see that, boofhead." Then she tilted her head and asked. "Are you hungry?" Kendall started to protest but his growling stomach gave him away. "I'm paying," she clarified and he finally agreed.

Kendall skated to the opening of the player's bench and followed Riley out of the rink and to the concession stand. Riley ordered a hot chocolate and a plate of nachos, getting Kendall a bottle of water as well. He snorted when she sat down and immediately gulped down a mouthful of hot chocolate. "You cold?"

"No," Riley denied quickly. Her crossing her legs at the knee and resting her hands under her thighs proved her wrong. Kendall grabbed the neck of his jersey and started to pull it off. "I don't need that."

"I don't mind. Besides, I'm wearing a t-shirt, so…" Once free of the jersey he handed it to Riley, who eyed it warily. "I didn't spit on it or anything."

"I'm more concerned about it being covered in sweat," she said before sliding her arms inside, adding a quick, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Kendall sat up and started to dig into the nachos. He preferred to eat healthy but it wasn't a bad thing to splurge every now and then. Besides, his mom would kill him if he went another day of practicing hockey without eating. "So what are you doing here?"

Riley shrugged, lifting and lowering her left shoulder. "I already told you, Hockey-Head, I thought you'd be here."

"Is it that obvious?"

"Is the sky blue?"

Kendall smiled, making her smile back. "I haven't played in a bit and it takes my mind off things. Clears my head."

"Has it been working?" She popped a nacho into her mouth before starting to play with the rings on her hand with her thumb.

"For the most part," he said honestly. "And the guys have really been helping but…they're making me seem like a nutcase. Like I'm going to start falling apart any second." He chuckled. "Logan even wants to do my homework for me." Riley's eyebrows rose in surprise. "I know. And if Logan's suggesting it, you know it's big. Camille and Steph have been pretty normal but they kind of clam up when I'm around or when they're talking to me so…" He flicked his hair from his face, leveled his gaze at her. "Have you heard from her?"

Riley was silent for a moment then said, "No. Not since the text that she got to the living space they gave her. But working on a movie is different than a TV show, you don't have as much downtime, especially in pre and post production. It's not so weird, yeah?" She tapped her fingers together. "I'm sure you'll talk soon."

"It wasn't 'us' I was worried about, it's the fans. They've been really…invested in our relationship, especially since we confirmed it and now they're going crazy wanting to know what's going on." A chuckle escaped his lips. "I wonder what they'd say if they knew about Kaylsee."

"Who?" Riley's eyebrows came together.

"My ex," Kendall said then added sheepishly. "I didn't…exactly break up with her before we went to LA." He held up his hands defensively as Riley's mouth dropped open. "In my defense we had to leave _fast_ and everyone was pressuring me to make a decision about whether to go and mom needed help packing up the house and preparing it for rent and I needed to talk to my boss and get my paycheck and…" he dropped it hands. "It sort of slipped my mind."

"That's awful."

"I didn't do it on purpose."

"And I'm sure no one actually _wanted_ to start the Great Emu War but that happened, too, yeah?" She laughed at Kendall's confused expression. "It's a long story, Hockey-Head. Anyway, do you want some advice?" He nodded. Riley looked him in the eye and said, "It's always hard to love someone and have them leave, for any reason at all. If you didn't love that person you wouldn't have held on so tightly. But the thing is…sometimes a sure thing's not the best thing."

Kendall nodded.

And the two sat in comfortable silence until their food was gone and Kendall mentioned going back to the ice rink. "You want to come?" He asked. "Take a shot on goal?"

"I don't skate," Riley swiftly turned down his offer.

"Don't have to skate to take a shot. Come on." He led the two back to the rink and glided out onto the ice. It took a few seconds for him to realize Riley wasn't following him, then turned around to see Riley clinging to the edge of the rink, slowly pressing her foot onto the ice. Once she had her footing, she carefully stuck out her other foot and did the same. Kendall barely hid a laugh as she, wobbling, inched out towards him, very slowly.

"It's not funny!" She spat.

"It kind of is," Kendall said, laughing now.

"Just because I haven't skated before…"

"Even three year olds can skate better than you."

"And three year olds can surf better than you, Hockey-Head, I don't think that's anything to brag about." She windmilled her arms, coming to a stop beside him, bent in half to keep her balance. "I mean, unless you like the taste of sand." Grinning, Kendall held out the paddle end of his hockey stick towards Riley. He waved it, motioning for her to grab on. She did so and he dragged her behind him to the goal. "This is pathetic."

"Pathetic would be if you were crawling on your hands and knees, Riles."

"Yeah, whatever."

He pulled her to a stop and set a hockey puck down on the ice. He handed the stick to her and grasped her shoulder, gently moving her into position. "Okay, so all you have to do is hit the puck into the net." He bent back out of the way when Riley lifted the hockey stick like a golf club. "And try not to hit me in the face." Reaching up, he grabbed her hand and lowered the stick back to the ice. "You can't raise it that high, it's against the rules. When taking a shot, you can only lift the stick up to your waist."

"Okay." Riley nodded, lowering the stick once more.

"And, if you put your hands here, you have better control…" He re-positioned her hands on the hockey stick, feeling the warmth radiate from her hands. He tried not to focus on that and cleared his throat, backing away. "Now take a shot."

Riley nodded and did as she was told, letting out a whoop when the puck slid neatly into the goal. "I did it! Whoa!" Her feet slid out from underneath her and she crashed to the ground with a low 'thunk', eyes wide. Kendall burst out laughing, clutching his stomach as he did so. Riley laughed quietly and held out her hand. "Yeah, yeah, help me up would you?"

Kendall grabbed her hands and leaned back to pull her to her feet. Riley's feet slipped and slid beneath her, trying to keep herself upright. Kendall continued to pull but soon found himself rocking back and forth from her frantic movements before falling down next to her. The two looked at each other and laughed.

He was fine for a while. Then it happened. He had one brief moment of missing Jo and looked at the picture of her he'd taken off his bedside table. The picture she'd given him their first Christmas together, where she smiled sweetly at the camera and he fell apart. The devastation and depression hit him all at once and he could do nothing but lie on the couch, moaning quietly every few minutes.

James, Carlos, and Logan did everything they could to cheer him up. All of the things they loved to do together; lobby hockey, skateboarding, going to the pool, playing video games…and nothing worked. He appreciated their help but it just didn't work. Kendall continued to mope around until none of their friends could take it anymore.

But what did they know? None of them were in relationships. None of them were in the pain he felt day after day with the constant reminders and lack of phone calls. They were supposed to still be friends, weren't they? What was the point of saying that line if you didn't plan on following along with it? The pain of going form dating to just friends was ridiculous. He knew that now. If you said it, someone took the friendly part of the equation an ran with it, making it hurt so much more knowing it was still a major step down from dating before. In many ways, it was like breaking up all over again, the pain was that intense.

And he kept doing it to himself.

Riley had dropped by the crib after a day at the studio and walked over to Kendall, her hands on her hips. "This is fucking pathetic," she said, shaking her head.

"You want pathetic?" Katie asked. She sat at the last empty spot of the couch, between Kendall's feet and the arm rest, looking over her phone. "He was watching old episodes of New Town High and crying into his bowl of cereal."

"All Rachael wanted to do was go to the dance," Kendall murmured into the cushion. "But her mother's twin sister came back from the dead and ruined everything."

Riley's eyes widened and she looked at Katie, who shrugged in response. Bringing a hand up to her forehead, Riley muttered something under her breath and said to Kendall, "I'm serious, mate. You've been moping around here all day feeling sorry for yourself and it's not helping anyone or anything."

"You can tell him that all you want," Katie said. "I've tried everything. He won't even listen to his favorite music. All he does is sit on the couch and—"

"No offense, Kid, but I don't think you're the best to help on this one," Riley said, lifting her gaze to her. "You _were_ the one who suggested he try to get her to break up with him, right?"

Katie lowered her chin. "What else was he supposed to do?"

"Talk and let the two of them figure things out. I know you wanted to help your brother, but considering you're not even really dating yet, it's probably better if you let him figure that stuff out on his own," Riley said. "But your heart was in the right place so…" She crossed her arms and looked down at Kendall seriously. "Kendall."

He lifted his head and looked at her.

She rarely ever called him by his name; only at professional functions and when she was being very serious. Otherwise she seemed to have a new nickname a day for him. Something in his heart felt weird when she said his name, almost as if he didn't prefer it. He leveled his eyes against hers and waited.

"Get up," she said firmly. "We're going to meet our friends and we're going to have some fun." She lifted her chin and added to Katie, "You, too. We're going to play manhunt."

Katie's eyes immediately widened. "I _love_ that game!"

Kendall loved that game, too. He and his friends used to play it all the time back in Minnesota. Especially when they were having sleepovers or other get-togethers, nothing made the game scarier than playing it in the dark woods.

"Ever play it in an abandoned storage facility?" She asked.

Kendall felt himself starting to smile.

* * *

Several weeks later, Riley was doing a solo interview with JoJo Wright form KiisFM, her siblings having already done theirs before her. Hers was left then they had a group interview to do. They spoke about everything music related before the questions moved to be more personal.

"So you've said in some very old interviews that you don't particularly like to give the title of best friend to anyone," JoJo said. He looked over his microphone at Riley and asked with a smile, "What's up with that? I'm sure you have a best friend."

Riley grinned back, bobbing her head back and forth. "Back then I wouldn't give that title to anyone other than my sister. There were too many aggro things going on in my life I didn't want anyone around so I didn't have a best friend. Don't get me wrong, I have some pretty cool mates, but I never had anyone outside of my family who was my one hundred percent, ride or die."

JoJo nodded. "I don't know if you know, but it's pretty hard not to considering how closely your groups work,"—Riley nodded and listened closely—"But recently we asked Kendall Knight of Big Time Rush who his best friend is and he had a similar answer to you. He said that the person would have to be like family to be considered his best friend."

"I'm sure James, Logan, and Carlos or one of the three were his answer," Riley said. She tried not to laugh, imagining the look of utter offense and anger on James's face if Kendall didn't say his name. So much like a jealous boyfriend would.

"Yes, they were on his list but he also mentioned it was sometimes hard to draw the line with that because they've grown to be more like his brothers than his best friends. He made that clarification. So we asked him to clarify; if he had to choose one person that was his best friend, who would it be."

"Okay," Riley said.

"And he said you, that you were his best friend. So I and all of this audience are wondering too, what do you feel about that?"

Riley smiled. "He's my best friend, too."


	4. I Know Fear Is What It Really Was

**.:Chapter Three:.**

* * *

Arriving back at the crib that night, Kendall went to his room and stared at his phone. Still no texts from Jo. No emails, no social media statuses, nothing. But for the first time in a while it didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. It didn't make his heart hurt, make regret flow through him like a cold wave dragging him down. Didn't make him see blood red that'd black him out for minutes at a time, huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf, waiting for a house to blow down.

Nothing.

Maybe there was truth in what Riley had said, " _It's always hard to love someone and have them leave, for any reason at all. If you didn't love that person you wouldn't have held onto it. But the thing is…sometimes a sure thing's not the best thing."_

The funny thing was, he'd always thought of Jo as a sure thing. Their relationship progressed smoothly when they weren't arguing over Jordan Sparks or Jett Stetson. So much so that they became comfortable and Kendall knew fairly soon they'd go to prom together then graduation and maybe college. It was a sure thing. Just as sure of a thing it was that they'd win Prom King and Prom Queen together.

He'd convinced Jo to sneak out to go to prom to have a wonderful night together, even to her father's detriment and anger. Prom was their night and they would have an amazing time. And he _did_ plan to have an amazing time until the Jacksons had arrived to fulfill their duties as performing the music for the dance. It was good exposure to fans they may not have already had, were able to play some of their more upbeat and poppy songs, and would experience a prom for the first time as Australian schools didn't have them.

And he'd seen Riley in her dress and tied up hair with a light makeup look that was much warmer than the darker style for her band and felt every muscle in his body stop working as he froze in place. Stunned. It had struck him them, after their friendship for the last two years how much he liked her. _Really_ liked her. And how much guilt it had brought him was a plague while he'd hung out with Jo for the entire night, ending up giving her the day he promised. They were voted Prom King and Queen and she'd thanked him profusely for how much fun they had, even going so far to say they'd be going straight to the after prom party in the Palm Woods Pool and 2J rather than facing her father's wrath.

And Kendall had managed to act normally the rest of his night but had no choice but admit to himself how he felt and hoped and feared no one else knew. How he didn't want to hurt Jo in any way, and how confused and utterly alone it made him fell. Now that Jo was gone, maybe he had her permission to move on.

Or, maybe, he had been moving on long before she'd even left.


	5. Now Here We Are, So Close Yet So Far

**.:Chapter Four:.**

* * *

Is it selfish when you get upset that things don't go your way? When everything in your life, you've done for something else. Is it petty when you get mad that someone else is listened to when you give the same advice to someone before? Even if it were just a year ago?

Riley had always lived her life for someone else, whether she wanted to admit it or not. Since her parent's death, she did all she could to make sure her brothers and sister were taken care of. What nine year old knew how to take on the stress and seriousness of being not one parent but two and did it all without complaint? Not many. But she had to step up and do it. She threw away everything it meant to be a kid and became a mini-parent, even when Robert Jackson had become the foster parent to her and her siblings, she still took on that role.

It was just as well, Robert was not well-suited for it. She never knew if his motivations to become a parent were just that, that he wanted to become a parent, but it soon became obvious his alcoholism was something he didn't have a handle on and taking in five kids, no matter how financially stable he was for it, was not the best idea. Enough so he took that anger and frustration out on them whenever he could. And Riley allowed herself to take that anger on the raining fists, brutal kick, harsh words that were spat at her with so much vehemence she may as well have been struck just so everyone else was okay.

To get around it, she threw herself into things that would take her mind off it; surfing, which she eventually had to give up when Robert noticed their singing and musical talent and forced them into a band—of which he became a manager, drawing and painting; which was then used for graphic design for their albums and merch, styling, which was then used for their band, and their music as a whole, learning the ins and outs of the industry and what it meant to be a successful band.

Big Time Rush came along and threw a large wrench in that plan, showing her what it was like to finally have friends she could actually count on. Sure, she had friends back home she loved dearly, but with them not in the same part of the industry and not being around so much, it became difficult to connect with them. On the other hand, she was able to be completely herself with her friends at home rather than with the Big Time Rush guys.

And still, she did everything she could to help them succeed when she saw the massive amount of potential with them and threw herself into working hard for them to be a success. Her friendship with Kendall came quickly and yet she stepped back, when he and Jo started to date, knowing how it could turn out. She was a teenage girl and teenagers didn't always make the best decisions when relationships were involved. There had been many times she'd put more attention on her exes than on anything else and that'd blown up in her face. Then there were others that had used her for her fame and that had blown up in her face. Why be the thing that got in the way of someone else's relationship when it'd happened to her?

She'd always been conscious of that, becoming worried when they were at their Beach Party and Kendall was obsessing over Jo being there. She'd noticed when she sat with him, reassuring him she'd be there and tried to take his mind off it that their conversations quickly and easily moved away from Jo to other serious and non-serious topics. Like always, that was the basis of their friendship. Then it became different, after a while he seemed to completely forget about her, and he noticed him looking at her a certain way.

And she knew then that he liked her and it freaked her out more than anything else. They were friends, he was the boyfriend of one of her best friends and she wasn't going to be the person to break up a relationship. Not again. (Though that was an entirely different story where she still ended up burned).

But now that all of it was out of the way, now that she wasn't being the one to have everyone bounce their issues off her, she thought it was time she started to live for herself a little bit.

Riley knew there was something going on with her and Kendall; knew it could go in a direction that she kind of sort of, really wanted but couldn't get the words out because she hadn't admitted it to herself yet. If she admitted it, it became too real. There were too many things that could go wrong, the wrong people would find out, her past would come back to haunt her yet again and drive him away faster than his father wanting to be part of his life again.

And yet, it seemed like the right time.

But then she came to the Palm Woods and made things more difficult than Riley ever thought it would.

Lucy Stone.


	6. Haven't I Passed The Test?

**.:Chapter Five:.**

* * *

Lucy Stone shook up the Palm Woods in ways no one expected. At eighteen years old, a year older than most of the other teen residents, word spread fast that she had her own apartment. Sure, it was the size of a shoebox, but having that freedom was something the others strived for. Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James were immediately enamored with the idea of having a place they could go to hang out without Mrs. Knight's, Gustavo's, or Kelly's eyes on them all the time.

That wasn't the only shake-up that occurred. Lucy Stone's hair-style; back hair with red streaks dyed, way of dress; mostly black rocker clothes, and very blunt and mischievous personality was very reminiscent to another friend of theirs. When Lucy arrived at the Palm Woods, Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James had been hanging out at the pool with Camille and Stephanie.

They had been playing a game of volleyball and it had been a brutal one. As it is, Big Time Rush were very competitive. With hockey as their background they knew where to hit where it hurt and how to strategize to get a good win. It also meant they didn't know how to play a game simply for fun. Smiles always turned to frowns, eyebrows came together in frustration, teeth gritted, fists clenched, and they were always seconds away from a complete meltdown of shouting back and forth.

Camille and Stephanie quickly learned to stay out of the water when they got too into the game. With water splashing everywhere and fists flying, they were in too much danger of collateral damage.

"Sheesh, you think they know how to play anything for fun?" Stephanie asked, gently kicking her legs back and forth from the side of the pool, making waves in the water.

"You think that's bad?" Camille laughed. "Try watching when they make small bets. _That's_ bad. And besides, none of them can be as bad as Kendall. He takes it as a personal offense if you beat him. I once beat him at Go Fish and he wouldn't leave me alone for a day, wanting to beat me."

Stephanie laughed along with her. Then she and Camille found themselves shifting their heads back and forth, watching the ball fly over the net from Kendall and James to Logan and Carlos. Finally, the ball landed on one side, after bouncing off the edge of the pool. Kendall and James cheered while Logan quickly lifted the whistle around his neck and blew a sharp burst into it.

"Ow!" James slapped his hands over his ears. "Logan, can't you go one day without being annoying?"

Logan dropped the whistle from his lips and held up a finger. "That point doesn't count."

"Guess not," Kendall joked in response to James's question then turned back to Logan, folding his arms. "And that point totally counts. It's on your side of the pool."

"It doesn't count after it bounced off the edge of the pool and went in," Logan insisted. He pointed an accusing finger towards the ball that floated on the water. "There was an equal chance of it having gone out, so the point doesn't count."

James blinked for a moment before asking, "Do you _ever_ do anything other than study to be a nerd? _Anything_ at all?" Logan glared and James continued with, "The ball was in. It went in, we got that point!"

"Yeah, you're not going to tell Wayne Gretzky that he didn't get a point off the post because it had an equal chance to miss," Kendall added.

"C'mon." Logan rolled his eyes and turned to Carlos, who was quietly standing aside, chewing at his fingernail as he watched his friends bicker. "Carlos, tell them I'm right."

Carlos slowly lowered his hand from his mouth and gave a sheepish smile. He nodded over towards Kendall and James and said, "Actually, Logan, I think they're right!" Logan groaned, Kendall and James cheered and high-fived, and Carlos added, "Would you _really_ tell Wayne Gretzky that he didn't get the point?!"

Logan slapped his hands over his face and muttered something about, "I need to get new friends" under his breath. Then he turned back to Kendall and James and folded his arms. "Yeah, yeah, we get it. You're the best and Carlos always agrees with Kendall."

"No, I don't," Carlos said.

"Yes, you do!" James and Logan shot back.

"Okay, okay, okay!" Camille waved her hands back and forth, shouting loudly, her voice echoing along the pool area. "Before you guys start World War III, why don't we get something to eat. I'm starving and Steph and I don't want to see you argue for hours on end."

"Yes!" Carlos immediately turned and climbed out of the pool. Anything that had to do with food—of course corn dogs being a staple—he was ready to go. Kendall, Logan, and James followed after him and the group walked out to the lobby of the Palm Woods, wrapped in towels and dripping as they went.

Bitters glared at them as they went by, making Kendall smile to himself. It seemed that, no matter what they did, Bitters was always going to have something against them. As long as Gustavo continued to pay off their rent it shouldn't be a problem. But he was always quick to give them their third strike whenever the opportunity arose.

Kendall's eyes shifted aside to the girl that stood at the front desk. He took in her dyed hair, clothes, and short stature before smiling and thinking, _Oh, cool! Riles is here!_ The girl picked up her guitar from the ground and turned around, her face buried in her phone.

Kendall lifted his chin and smiled as he approached her, saying, "Hey," in greeting. Lucy Stone looked at him, looked him up and down, then walked to the elevator, looking at her phone once more. "Okay, that was weird," he muttered to himself before whipping out his phone. He quickly composed a text.

 **Kendall:** What are you so mad about? And why're you at the Palm Woods?

It was strange to see her there by herself. She and her siblings were at the Palm Woods all the time when they weren't working on their own music to hang out with their friends. But they always let themselves right into the crib, they never stopped by the front desk. At least, not when they weren't bugging Bitters somehow.

He received a text a few seconds later.

 **Riley:**?

 **Kendall:** I just said 'hi' to you at Bitters' desk.

 **Riley:** I'm not at the Palm Woods.

 **Kendall:** What? Are you sure?

 **Riley:** Are you sure you didn't see Rhu? We ARE twins.

 **Kendall:** I think I know how to tell you apart.

Though it didn't take him a little bit at first to know for sure. He knew they wore different colors, red and purple, but sometimes from the back or at a distance they looked the same, making him have a few blunders every now and then. But they were friends now, it'd be pathetic if he had it wrong.

 **Riley:** Hold on.

A few seconds later, she sent Kendall a picture of herself, sitting in a multi-patterned chair, cross legged and sending a peace sign to the camera. The caption read, _I'm at my therapist's office. Deff am not at the Palm Woods._

Kendall's eyebrows furrowed together and he turned back to the front desk, where James was barking at Bitters, demanding to know who the girl was ad where she was going. Bitters rolled his eyes and said, "Her name is Lucy Stone, she's 18, she has her own apartment, and she's trying to be a rock star."

The words barely got out of his mouth before James hollered, "Dibs!" At the top of his lungs before dashing after her towards the elevators, leaving their friends behind, staring in surprise.

Kendall wasn't the only one who thought Lucy resembled Riley. He watched as the two met, introducing her to the Jacksons after a long day of trying to prove that Big Time Rush did, in fact, rock, and they weren't just 'cute'. He watched as each of the Jacksons' eyes widened in surprise before they relaxed. Then Riley reached out her hand and slapped it into Lucy's to give a firm handshake and a greeting of, "Hey, how ya going?"

But he could still see the surprise in her eyes. Then watched as her eyes narrowed slightly, doing a sweep over Lucy, the same way Lucy had done to him, before her face relaxed into a neutral position. Honestly, he wasn't sure how the Jacksons felt about her. They weren't quick to open to anyone when they first met and knew it would take some time until they trusted her at all.

Still, Lucy made her name known around the Palm Woods as the place to go if you wanted to have a good time. And that didn't always mean by doing things that other parents would want them to do. It was a good way for the boys to go when they wanted to have some of the fun that Gustavo, Mrs. Knight, and Kelly would never allow them.

Thus that's how they ended up in her apartment playing a very dangerous game of 'What's Your Secret'? It's a game they'd played before, the spinner landed on you and you chose someone to reveal a secret you've kept about them. And while playing the game, he didn't really like the way Lucy was looking at him, eyes flashing with mischief, as if she were waiting for a chance to as him something.

By that point, they'd been friends for a couple of months. Or, friendly. He wasn't sure if he'd call her a really good friend. They didn't talk about anything other than rock music and music in general. She didn't talk about her family, didn't talk about where she lived before, and she was out of school so she didn't need to go to the Palm Woods classes. But rock music was a topic they enjoyed talking about, comparing their favorite bands and musicians.

Last time, they'd talked so much that Kendall almost missed curfew.

"Aw, you still have a curfew?" Lucy teased.

Kendall rolled his eyes, leaning back against the back rest of the pool chair, crossing his legs at the ankle. "I mean, it's not like I _have_ to be back there," he said as convincingly as possible. He wasn't quite sure what it was, but something about her being mature enough to have her own apartment made him work hard to be accepted by her in some way.

 _Just like you had to do with Riles,_ the thought crossed his mind almost immediately. He smiled, the irony not lost on him. Lucy was easier to get along with, in retrospect, because they didn't work together. The stressors of the job made thing difficult in times of their friendship but all the same, he was able to get along better with Riley through deeper conversations, long nights in the studio, and performances on tours.

Being able to sit back and not feel that there was a test he had to pass was much more relieving than he thought. Until Lucy teased him about his curfew anyway. But he found a bit of amusement with her taunting, it was obvious she was a little lonely.

"Why? You want to spend more time with me?" Lucy asked.

And Kendall surprised her with responding, "Yeah."

He remembered that while dealing with his secret; the secret he and Camille had worked to keep from everyone. It was silly, in retrospect, why would anyone care they were figure skating? But it was an important secret. So much so that when it was his turn and he had to find someone to tell a secret about, Kendall hemmed and hawed, wiping his hands on the knees of his jeans. "I don't really have any secrets," he admitted.

What a lie. He had plenty of them. He didn't talk openly about what his father did to him, he didn't talk about his father leaving their family and why, he didn't talk about the things he did to make money before getting a job at the grocery store, he didn't talk about some of the dumbest things he and his friends got into, he didn't talk about a lot of things in his life. And yet, he couldn't quite determine if telling the secret about him and Camille was worth it.

So much so that when Lucy confronted them about dating…Kendall wouldn't tell anyone that it seemed like Lucy was jealous of them. She was their new friend, barely knew any of them or their relationships with each other, why would she care so much he may've been dating Camille? Sure, she said it was because they were hurting Logan, but he didn't quite buy that? Then there had been the look of relief that shot over her face when he admitted they were figure skating and she'd been eager to tell Logan, who was starting to suspect something, that everything was okay.

Secrets were kept for a reason, but Kendall's biggest secret of that day was that he wondered how Lucy truly felt about him.

* * *

Riley looked up from her cell phone as Kendall shuffled into the crib, doing his best to hold onto the crutches tucked under his arms. Her eyebrows rose and a smirk came to her lips when he dropped one, letting out a low curse and bent down to pick it up.

Riley pulled herself off the couch and sauntered over to him, kicking up the crutch with her foot and caught it in her hand. Kendall gave a smile of thanks, taking it from her. Riley eyed him for a minute then smiled asking, "What's wrong, Hockey-Head?"

"What makes you think something's wrong?" He carefully aligned his crutches along the floor and made his way back to the couch. Riley sat next to him and tilted her body to face him, resting her cheek along the cushion.

"You didn't say 'hi', when you saw me, mate," She said, eyes flashing. "You just sat down."

He looked surprised, carefully bringing his leg up to rest on the table in front of him. Then he relaxed and settled back into the cushions. "Do I really do that?"

"Most people wouldn't notice but I like to think I know you better than you think, Hockey-Head." The corner of Kendall's lips turned up and Riley rested her cheek on her palm. He really did look a little down. That was obvious to anyone that'd look right at him. But she had been telling the truth when she said she knew him better than he thought. Enough to know certain nuances in his face and intricacies in his voice to know when he was lying or keeping something hidden.

It embarrassed her a little, to know how much attention she paid to him. Enough to make her blush if she thought about it, too much, hoping no one else noticed. But that's what best friends did, right? They knew each other inside and out? He knew her 100% better any anyone else, rivalling her brothers' and sister's knowledge of her. He could tell if there were something she wanted to talk about or _didn't_ want to talk about by looking at her, and backed down when trying to get her to open up failed.

"So, What's up?" she asked then held up a finger. "Wait, let me guess. You're starting to go crazy after not skating for so long, yeah?"

If Kendall were surprised, he didn't show it. Instead, he nodded in corroboration of her question. "You have no idea how much I hate this. I can work through sprained muscles, I've done it before, even concussions. But a broken leg…you can't shake that off. It'll take me forever to get back to where I was."

"What about when you hurt your knee?" Riley nodded towards the leg that wasn't in a cast. "The one he'd told her needed to have surgery when he was young after a bad crash. The one that still bothered him when it was storming or he'd given everything out onstage and on the ice.

"I wasn't in a band and working on choreography every day while still playing hockey," he pointed out.

Her eyes narrowed for a second. "I get the feeling you haven't really told anyone else this, either."

"Good guess."

"You know, things like this, it's a good idea to have your family support you rather than do it on your own." She reached out and tapped the side of his head with her knuckles. "It's the first thing they tell you at the doctor's office, Ken _dork."_ And she'd spent enough time at doctor's offices and hospitals to know.

Kendall laughed, leaning his head out of the way. "Do _you_ want Carlos helping you to take a shower all the time?"

Riley laughed along with him, running a hand through her hair. "I don't know? All you need to do just make sure you keep the foot with the cast on it out of the shower, yeah?"

"He all but makes my bed and puts a chocolate on my pillow."

"I might like that, actually." She tilted her head to the side and her smirk widened. "Boofhead, you know, if you hadn't kept a secret about figure skating, _none_ of this would've happened."

"Tell me something I don't know." Riley smiled and Kendall looked at her curiously. "Riles?"

"Yeah?"

"What's your secret?"

Riley looked at him a long moment before lifting an eyebrow. "You have to be more specific, mate, I'm full of secrets."

"I know," Kendall said quickly. He licked his lips and looked away for a seconds before turning back to ask, "But what would you say is your biggest one?"

Riley made a 'tsk' sound with her mouth. She blew her red strand of hair from her eyes and said, "I don't know, mate, after today I don't know if you can handle it."

"After all of this," Kendall gestured to his cast and his face, where the cuts and bruises were starting to face. Those really had been the worse parts; a black eye, a cut lip, a cut across his nose, a bruised jaw…all along with the broken leg. She'd never heard of someone failing at figure skating so spectacularly, especially someone who grew up on the ice, and was actually a little sorry she missed it. "I think I can handle anything."

"Well in that case…" Riley pulled herself form the couch and sat on the coffee table in front of him. She rested her hands between her leg and leaned forward, looking him in the eye. "My secret…that made me ask about his 'Hot Girls List'…" Kendall leaned forward, widening his eyes. "Is that I asked James out once and he turned me down."

Kendall frowned, leaning back in his seat. Riley held her breath, waiting for his response. Honestly, she wasn't sure how he would respond to what she said. He seemed to be annoyed whenever she or her sister flirted with James—which was pretty easy to do—as it tended to fuel James's ego. She watched Kendall's green eyes shift back and forth before he asked, "That's it?"

Riley laughed. A relieved laugh. He didn't laugh at her or say it's what she deserved, or that she as crazy for wanting to go out with him in the first place. Didn't notice the other part she'd tested him with.

"I reckon I didn't think he'd turned down a lot of girls—"

"He doesn't, I just thought it would've been a bigger secret than that," Kendall said. He ran a hand through his hair. "Especially considering how much he tries to shush you whenever we're talking about certain things."

 _Oh yeah._ That. "Well, he's _your_ friend and he's weird. I think that says enough."

"Yeah, but you willingly hang out with us, so what does that say about you?"

Riley laughed loudly. "Whatever, Hockey-Head. Can I sign your cast?"

"Sure." Kendall set his crutches aside and watched as Riley pulled a sharpie from a keychain that clipped to her belt loop and took the cap off with her teeth. She leaned forward and with a flourish signed her name along the side of his cast. Then drew a skull and crossbones beside it. "Nice."

"Just to remind you not to at least enter anymore competitions until you can feel as comfortable as when you're playing hockey," she teased. She leaned back and sat up straight when the door to the crib opened and James, Logan, Carlos, and Rhuben walked through the door. "Hey Sis," she greeted her twin. Her eyes narrowed slightly before shifting over to Logan. "I thought you and Logan were—"

"We were," Rhuben interrupted, showing her irritation though the calm expression on her face didn't change. Obviously the time she was spending along with Logan didn't work out so well with James and Carlos intruding. Was it so hard to want some time to hang out with someone you were into? With the Big Time Rush boys, yes, it was. "Then we ran into these blokes and decided to see what you guys were up to, yeah?"

Translation; if I have to suffer, so do you.

Riley lifted her eyebrows, silently asking, _Seriously?_

Rhuben lowered hers, silently responding, _Yeah, seriously._

Then Riley smiled, making Rhuben smile back in response the two trying to stifle their laughter. She felt bad, really. It was already hard enough kinda-sorta dating Logan when it didn't seem that he knew whether or not he was over Camille. Carlos hopped over the back of the couch, jostling Kendall as he did so.

"How's your leg feeling?" He asked.

"Just fine, Carlos, thanks," Kendall replied. He caught Riley's eye and pressed his lips together, lips twitching. Riley scratched her forehead, hiding the laughter that was threatening to come out.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Kendall said then quickly changed the subject. "Nothing going on down at the pool?"

"Nope," James said. "And no Lucy, so there's no point." He dropped onto Carlos's other side while Logan perched on a chair across the table and Rhuben climbed atop the couch and perched there. "What were you guys doing?"

"Just telling secrets," Riley said.

"Really?" A mischievous smile came to Rhuben's face and she asked, "You told Kendall about how you drew James naked?" There was exactly a second of silence before Kendall, Logan, and Carlos all shouted, "WHAT?!" in unison.

"Ugh, I thought I could go to my deathbed with that one," Riley muttered while James picked up a pillow and held it over his face.

Rhuben laughed. "Was that the one I was supposed to keep quiet?" She teased.

"No, the one with how many people we've killed is," Riley said back, making Rhuben laugh harder. "Though I think we still have two years before we can talk about that, yeah?"

"Wait a second," Logan waved his hands and pointed over to James. " _You_ drew _him_ naked?"

"You're acting like one day I decided to do it," Riley defended herself, feeling her face turn red. She pouted and turned away. "He destroyed one of my life drawings that was due the next day and said he'd pose for me to help me finish."

"I bet he did." Rhuben continued to tease.

"Shut up, Rhu." Riley sat up straight, looking at her friends defiantly. "I got an A. And James looked good."

"You bet I did," James said, pulling his face from the pillow he gripped tightly in his hands.

"You drew that for everyone to see?" Carlos asked.

"Have you seen his body?"

Riley rolled her eyes when Logan and Carlos continued to throw questions around. It wasn't a big deal, a friend helping out a friend. She only kept it a secret because she knew how all of them would react. Well, that wasn't entirely true, she didn't know how Kendall would react to it. Much the same she wasn't sure how he would react to her liking James at the beginning.

As it was, Kendall sat quietly on the couch, lost in thought as Logan and Carlos continued to as James questions with Rhuben throwing in a comment every now and then. He looked up when Riley leaned forward and grasped his wrist to get his attention.

"In case I didn't say it before," she said. "I'm glad you're okay."

Kendall smiled back, shifting his hand so that he held hers.

* * *

 **A/n:** So, if this is confusing to anyone, to a point of this story each chapter is technically connecting one-shots. But then a later part goes into an actual story plot. If any of that makes sense, I'll explain further if anyone is confused. Hope you liked this one.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riles**


	7. When Will You Realize?

**.:Chapter Six:.**

* * *

"Is it illegal to get homework that lasts more than an hour?" Kendall asked, drumming his fingertips against his laptop. He stretched out his arms to rest face-first on his bed. He stretched all the way from his head to his toes before leaning back on his elbows once more. Oh how his muscles ached. Gustavo had practically run them into the ground with their choreography that day.

Of course, _he_ didn't do any of the dancing for them, but continued to make them run through it over and over until things were 'perfect'. But with Gustavo, 'perfect' didn't exist. Kendall was able to tune out his screaming from time to time but throwing it in when he was trying to get the steps right, that was another story. He wasn't a good dancer, he knew that from the beginning. Just like Carlos wasn't the best singer and knew it. But unlike Carlos, Kendall couldn't just put it off with a smile. He had to work hard to get better.

So much so that he didn't mind having extra practices with Rhuben to get better with his choreography work. A part of him, the competitive part of him, needed to be the best he could be and that extended all the way to being the best band he and his friends could be.

Even if that meant having to endure Gustavo's lack of tact when trying to help them.

"Well, you _are_ going to school, Hockey-Head, I don't think that's illegal," Riley said. She sat on his bed next to him, legs stretched out so her feet rested on his lower back, knees brought up to rest a sketchbook against her thighs. "It's a bit dodgy, but legal."

"No." Kendall shook his head and twisted to face her. "Miss. Collins assigning homework is normal, this is homework from Gustavo. He wants us to research why repetitive work makes for better quality of content when it's finished."

Riley's eyes narrowed. She lowered her pencil and gave him a surprised look. "You're telling me he wants you to do homework on why he's basically turning you lot into trained monkeys?"

"Yep."

"He's always been a drongo, but that's dumb even for him, yeah?"

Kendall smiled and rested his cheek in his palm as he gazed at her. "You must be really excited to go home."

Riley tilted her head to the side, eyebrows quirking upwards. "What makes you say that?"

"I haven't been able to understand half of what you've been saying for the past hour," Kendall pointed out. "And that usually only happens when you're about to go home or when you've just gotten back."

"Taking a well-deserved break after years of writing, recording, touring, appearances, and everything that goes along with it? Yeah, I think I'm excited." She turned her attention back to her drawing. Every few seconds, her eyes would shift from the paper to Kendall. "But it sucks that we'll have to miss your guys' tour."

"Yeah, it would've been fun if you guys were coming along."

Kendall's gaze swept over the clothes and bags all over his side of the room. He was messy as it was, but now that there was packing he was putting off, a bomb may as well have exploded. Massive piles of clean clothes sat gathered around the foot of his bed, some spilling over the edge of an empty suitcase, easily contrasted by the one suitcase, sports bag, and backpack that sat neatly by Logan's bed. Of course he had been packed ever since the tour had been announced to the boys, adding more climate specific things when a new tour date was added.

So far they were going around the United States after a trip to the UK and Europe, and more and more dates were continuing to be added as shows sold out. It was going to be their first international tour and they were excited. But, Kendall noted, it would've been much more fun if the Jacksons and their band were coming on the tour with them as they had done for their first US tour with Big Time Rush returning the favor during their own tour.

Their bands had done everything together since he'd arrived in LA and now they were going their separate ways. "It was bound to happen," Patrick said to them, after they'd publicly made the announcement of their year-long break. "We can't do everything together."

Too bad they'd hoped so. Kendall rolled onto his back and crossed his arms behind his head, making Riley pull her legs back to cross them. "It would've been fun to go to Europe and stuff together."

"And have to rescue you lot from all of the dumb things you get into? Sure." Riley laughed, running a hand through her hair. "You can't even get packed when you're supposed to. I can't imagine what would happen." She lifted her hand and moved it in an arch through the air. "American Boyband Destroys Music Hall."

"Ha ha." Kendall rolled his eyes. "If anything, Gustavo's own screaming would do that."

"And who'd get him that mad?" She tapped his stomach with the top of her pencil and Kendall brushed it away. He frowned, realizing it certainly would be something he and his friends would do. Probably when they would want to go sightseeing rather than do soundcheck. "Exactly, Hockey-Head. You're the thorn in his side that'll never go away. And I know that first hand, you never. Go. Away." She gave him a teasing smile as she punctuated each word.

Kendall sat up, wrapping his arms around his knees. "You definitely tried hard enough."

"Yeah, and you didn't take the hint, mate. I guess I'll have to try harder to get you to leave me alone."

"Yeah, like the three months on tour isn't going to be bad enough," Kendall said. He closed his eyes as soon as the words left his mouth, knowing exactly how she was going to react to it. It only took a few seconds for the smirk to come to his face for him to know for sure.

"Aww." Riley uncrossed her legs gently dug her toe into his side. "You're going to miss me."

Kendall returned it with a smirk of his own. "I can't miss you if you don't leave."

Riley tilted her head to the side. "Seems to me you're the one who's leaving, Hockey-Head," she pointed out. Comfortable silence stretched between the two for a long moment. That was something he really liked about their friendship. Normally when he was around his friends, he felt he had to have something to say, to add to a conversation so there wasn't any boring moments. But around her he found the silent moments to be as meaningful as the ones where they were constantly talking and laughing.

It hit him then, how much he was going to miss having her around. Their friendship had started off rocky and a bit antagonistic, he couldn't quite understand why she didn't like him. They seemed to have enough in common to start that rapport and they _had_ to work together. Not only was she their stylist but was also 'assigned' to him to be his mentor in a way as their band wen ton. To learn the ropes of the industry and everything that went along with it. They finally got their once he and Logan found out she and her siblings were being abused by their foster father.

But to know he was going to miss her that much.

 _Maybe I should tell her?_ The thought crossed his mind before he could stop it. Tell her how he really felt about her. That he liked her as more than a friend, that he liked her the same way he liked Jo. Maybe even more, if it were possible. But was it the right time to do it? He'd only told Jo he liked her when he thought he was moving back to Minnesota for good. _It's just a tour,_ he reminded himself. _Just a couple of months. It won't be that long._

And what if he _did_ say something and then left? Would running away like that make her hate him? No, he doubted it. They could always talk to each other about everything. _Even something as big as this?_ And what if he waited too long and she found someone else while she was at home? Or got back together with her ex? Or what if he felt he needed to get back together with Jo?

"Hey." Riley placed her hand atop of Kendall's and gently rubbed it, grabbing his attention. He blinked and turned to look at her, finding her blue eyes filled with concern. The warmth of her hand radiated up his arm, shot through his entire body like lightning. "You alright, mate? You looked like you were really thinking about something."

Kendall shook his head. "I just can't wait to go."

For a moment Riley didn't look like she believed him. She did have a habit of seeming to know what he was truly thinking or feeling without having to say it. Instead of questioning him about it—maybe she could sense the reason for his anxiety—Riley removed her hand and said, "Then maybe you should start packing. You leave tomorrow, you know." But her voice sounded flat, almost...sad.

He smiled sheepishly, watching her eyes move over the mess on his side of the room. "Help?" He asked.

"Of course," Riley replied immediately. No questions asked. "What are friends for?" She turned her sketchbook around and Kendall burst out laughing when he saw a quick sketch of Gustavo screaming with smoke coming out of his ears with a sketch of Kendall standing to the side, smirking. She ripped it out and put her signature in the corner before handing it over to him.

Kendall took the drawing and continued to look over it—taking a moment to grunt in pain when Riley stepped on him to climb off the bed—before watching her gather his things to put in his suitcase. She stopped and looked back and forth between the pile in her arms to the one on the floor and asked, "Which one's clean."

"I don't know," he said honestly.

Riley sighed. "Mate, you're going to be so lost without us around."

She didn't know how true her words were.

* * *

Riley had been making breakfast with her siblings when the house phone rang early in the morning. Tha made her and her siblings take pause, no one called that early. Everyone in Australia knew they'd more than likely be at the beach at that time. Their wet hair certainly proved it. How many times had they had to be dragged in from the water to race to answer a phone, to get to a meeting on time, to go to a concert? More than enough to count.

Still, it was strange to have the phone ring when the sun was barely rising over the horizon. Sydney leapt up onto the counter to answer it, having a short conversation with the person on the other end of the phone before handing it to her.

"Three guesses of who it is," Rhuben teased. "And the first two don't count."

"Hmm." Patrick pretended to think. "Does he share a similar nickname with Barbie's boyfriend?"

Riley laughed along with her siblings as they gently teased her. Noah laughed too before nodding over to Rhuben and saying, "It could be worse. He could be her stalker." Rhuben frowned and glared at Noah while the others laughed harder.

"He's not a stalker, okay," Rhuben insisted, now rapidly and viciously peeling apart oranges.

"Dak's not a stalker," Riley said sarcastically. "He just don't know how to take 'no' for an answer, only ever talks about you, and knows your exact measurements for gifts that 'just so happen' to remind him of you. He wouldn't be our first thought if you ended up dead. Not at all."

Rhuben shot her sister the middle finger while their brothers laughed harder.

Riley wiped off her hands, which she had been using to chop potatoes, on a dishtowel before taking the phone to press to her ear. "Let me guess, you need to figure out some sort of outfit or something, yeah?" She could tell he rolled his eyes at the nickname for him.

Was it her fault it was just so easy to come up with them? It wasn't like James, Logan, and Carlos didn't get a nickname either. Well, she reminded herself, not as much as he gets.

"No," Kendall said with a quiet laugh when he finally answered her. "You said we could choose whatever we wanted for casual, remember?"

"And yet, James is constantly sending me pictures, asking for my opinion. The other says 'hi' by the way." She held the phone away from her ear so Rhuben, Patrick, Noah, and Sydney could all shout their hellos for Kendall to hear. He said it back and Riley backed away from the counter and flashed her open palm at her siblings, signaling she'd only be five minutes, and went to the living room where she sat in a leather chair. For a brief moment she thought about getting a towel to sit on, knowing Ronan would be upset about her wet clothes being on the chair then thought better of it. It wouldn't take too long. "So what's up with the tour? You have to tell me everything."

"You're not going to believe me," Kendall trailed off.

"Try me." Riley started to pick at her nails, wondering if she should change the polish color from black to a new one. They _were_ supposed to be starting over soon and a new look was always good.

"Well…" Kendall paused. For a moment Riley wasn't sure if he would actually tell her. He _had_ said she wouldn't believe him. But that was the thing about Kendall and Big Time Rush; they were pretty unbelievable. "While in London, we got wrapped up in this scheme with MI6 and we became secret agents to save the world."

Riley pulled the phone from her ear and looked at it for a moment before putting it back to her ear. "You're right," she said after a second. "I don't believe you. You're lying through your teeth."

"I swear to God, I'm not!" Kendall cried. "It really happened. Ask any of the other guys." He was laughing now.

"Like you lot have the best track record for this sort of thing. Please."

"I swear on my mom's grave."

"Your mum's not dead, Hockey-Head. I mean, unless you have a plot to get rid of her, I don't think she'll be kicking the bucket anytime soon."

"On my dad's grave then."

Riley was about to point out that his dad wasn't dead either but decided against it. Kendall hated his father enough for him to have mentioned, 'I wish he was dead' or 'He may as well be' when the conversation topic came up. "Okay, so you got wrapped up into MI6. What was it that this guy wanted."

"The usual, to take over the world." He paused. "You don't believe me."

"Mmm. Not really, mate, no. They'd have to be desperate to want to use you lot to stop someone from taking over the world, yeah?" She laughed at her own joke. "Other than that, if it really happened, how's it going?"

"Well, we started in London-"

"No, tell me _everything!"_

Kendall chuckled. There was a groaning and squeaking sound in the background, letting Riley know that he was stretching out on his bed. They were probably in a hotel room if not on a tour bus. _No,_ she thought. _I don't hear a bus engine._ Not to mention that she'd been on enough tour buses to know that sound carried and there was never enough privacy to make phone calls. She would've heard the boys trying to butt in if he were on the bus. "The story's kind of boring. Traveling from place to place, performing. It's the same thing every day."

"Maybe, but I'd be more entertained," Riley remarked. "You know that I don't like to miss anything. All we do here is eat, sleep, and go to the beach."

"Poor you," Kendall teased.

"Shut up," Riley replied.

"I'm just saying, you're in the lap of a vacation and you're complaining about being bored." Riley could hear the smile in his voice. "You must miss us a lot."

Riley pressed her lips together, suddenly finding herself caught off-guard by the tone of his voice as he said it. " _You must miss us a lot."_ Almost wistful. Riley let out a sigh and replied, "You kept us from being bored."

"I know that's not the truth, but I'll take it for now." Kendall laughed. "You know, we miss you guys, too." Riley rested her palm against her forehead, frowning. Why did her stomach feel so queasy all of a sudden? "You still there?"

"Yeah," Riley said slowly. "Still here. Oh!" Her eyes lit up. "Did you guys like the pictures we sent?"

"Katie's jealous," Kendall relayed. "She says it's not fair how she's stuck in the PalmWoods while we're on tour and you guys are on vacation. She and Mom could only stay for a few of our shows before having to go back. But they're going to be going to our last one in Canada and then fly back to LA while we take the tour bus, back." He suddenly sniffed loudly.

"Are you getting sick?" Riley demanded. "I told you guys to make sure that you get a good night's sleep or-"

"Relax," Kendall broke in. "I just blew my nose. Geez. You and Benny are such mother hens."

"Can't help it. The idea of cancelling a show for sickness, one for as big of a tour as this is, wouldn't be good."

"Gustavo's already threatened to stick me with a shot so he doesn't have to cancel a show for sickness."

"Something tells me that's more for not wanting to pay back deposit and insurance more than it is about you."

"You'd be right."

A comfortable silence fell over the two teens.

"Look, we're sorry that we couldn't be there to support you guys while you announced everything that you all have been going through," Kendall said quietly. Riley smiled a little. She should've been saying that to him. "But you do know that we were supporting you all no matter where we were. We even dedicated that show to you guys, the night you announced it. And we watched the live feed coverage." He paused. "We're really proud, you know."

Riley frowned. Comments like that always made her a bit uncomfortable. Having listened to Robert go on and on about how worthless they were besides making money and working…it got ingrained in her brain pretty quickly. And manifested in some of her worst habits; putting up walls to keep people out, so no one could see how hurt and broken she really was, pushing people away before they could get too close….

Big Time Rush had managed to break through that, but habits were hard to break.

"Some people don't see it that way," Riley said slowly instead. It had been a shock to see some of the nastier comments among the mostly positive. How a 'little bit of discipline' never hurt anyone and how the probably needed it for having had all of the wealth and fame they'd acquired from such a young start of their career. "They just believe the bad things they've heard about us."

"I'm not most people."

"I know." Riley quickly changed the subject back to him. "Trust me, I know. You're one of the only people that I know that _needs_ constant supervision."

"Thanks, Riles." Kendall sounded sarcastic. "Thanks a lot. You're so funny."

"Aren't I? And you're welcome, Hockey-Head," Riley mimicked his tone then laughed, curling herself up into a ball, resting comfortably in the chair. "Oh, we heard that you guys sold out a couple of your shows. Fans are going nuts online. They're asking us if we can get them some tickets."

"Really?"

"You must feel pretty popular." Riley found herself smiling. "Even more so than when our pics from Hawaii for the Windows Down shoot got out." She made a 'tsk' sound. "And you weren't even shirtless half the time. A major waste if you ask me."

Kendall gave a sarcastic laugh. "Speaking of, a lot of guys are already drooling over yours and Rhu's beach pictures," Kendall said slowly. Riley resisted the urge to curl her upper lip. She couldn't miss the tone of jealousy in his voice. It seemed to happen a lot more lately.

Riley twisted her fingers together and changed the subject. "Is something else going on, Kendall? You sound sorta funny."

"A lot," He admitted after a second, with a heavy sigh. "There's a lot going on."

"Is it the whole moving thing? I thought you guys were only just looking at the houses. Though, James, Logan, and Carlos seemed ready to move out the second Mama Knight mentioned you lot were going house hunting before you left."

"Nah, we haven't decided anything witht that yet," Kendall said. "But you'd probably be one of the first to know. Apparently you don't move out of the Palm Woods without people knowing and I'm sure Bitters would have a field day when we're gone. It's just…I've had to miss a show because of being sick and my asthma and stuff. I'm just stressed."

"So tell me," Riley said quietly.

"I want to," Kendall suddenly sounded really tired. "I really do. There's nothing else I'd rather do, frankly. But I'd like to be able to do it in person. Not over text, not through e-mail, not the few and far between video chats and especially not over the phone. I like talking to you, in person, to your face, because that way…" He gave a hollow laugh. "I really want to talk to my best friend, but I can't."

"I can't help that." Riley sighed in frustration.

"I know." Kendall's voice matched her tone. "It just sucks knowing that you can't help me until the tour is over cause I'd rather talk to you. Like, talk the way we did before."

"So do I. But there's not much of the tour left."

"I just miss you." He sucked in a sharp breath as if realizing he said something wrong. "I mean, uh, all you guys-I miss all you guys."

Riley paused. "I miss you, too," she replied and waited for his response, heart pounding. Nothing. Instead, she listened to him breathe, feeling oddly soothed by it. Maybe he got what she was really trying to say but couldn't quite find the words for it. Maybe he felt the same way, too? Finally, the silence became too much for her and she said, "Get some sleep, ok? We can talk when you get back."

"I'll try," Kendall promised. "Tell the others I say, 'hi'."

"Sure," Riley replied. "Do the same for me. Peace. Hoo roo."

"Later, Riles."

Riley lowered the phone to her lap and stared off into space for a moment. She then shook her head, putting the phone aside. "Damn it," She muttered under her breath, realizing maybe, just maybe, she should've told him how she felt about him before he left.

* * *

 **A/N:** This chapter was delayed because, originally, it was going to be very long. But going back in editing it, I realized how much of it was unneeded and then became deleted. So, I apologize for the wait and I hope you enjoy this one.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riley**


	8. Baby, I'm Not Like The Rest

**.:Chapter Seven:.  
**

* * *

Returning home after a trip was always one of the best things in the world. Being back in your own bed, being around your friends again, catching up on everything you missed. There was truth to the term homesick and the moment the wheels of Big Time Rush's tour bus started to turn, Big Time Rush was finally allowed to relax a little bit. Slumping back in their seats they allowed themselves to relax, to push away the stress of being on time to every appearance, keeping up their smiles and positivity when meeting fans, even if the were in a bad mood, taking some time away form promoting and album with a tour.

Not that it wasn't fun, it was something they always enjoyed. But doing it day after day for months on end…at some point the fun stopped and they longed for home. Longed for the Palm Woods. Longed for the friends they'd made over the years and the crazy things that went on around Los Angeles. The experiences they had biking in Cologne, Germany, walking along the streets of London, eating all of the food in France and Spain, or even breaking Nsync's quick change record in Canada were some of the things that'd stick with them forever. But, 'no place like home' and all that. There was more truth to it than any of them thought.

Kendall rested his arm across the back of the leather seat he and his friends sat on, watching the world race by as the bus continued to make speed towards the Palm Woods. Not much longer and he'd be back home. A wry smile came to his face. Home. It was funny he now thought of Los Angeles as his home, when Minnesota was one of the best places he'd ever lived. He didn't long for his hometown as much as he'd used to. Apart from the hockey team, there was no need. His best friends were with him, his mother and sister were with him, he had a lot of new friends, he was in a band…

But things weren't all great. He had an ex-girlfriend he wasn't quite sure he stood with, wasn't able to play hockey as much as he'd like, and his father was around again, making things difficult for him. Funny how everything seemed so perfect on the outside, but on the inside there were enough things that made him wonder if moving to Los Angeles had been worth it. _If Riley were here, she'd be able to talk me through this without batting an eye._ The thought came to mind faster than he could stop it, making his stomach twist.

That was the other thing about returning home. Seeing people again. He knew she and her siblings had been back in LA for some time, after spending a couple of months home in Australia. Waiting for them to get back. They'd said it often enough in social media posts, texts, phone calls, and emails. It always weird to see people again after being gone for a while; what if they'd changed? What if _things_ had changed? He knew for sure, things started changing before he'd even left, having beaten himself up day after day for not telling Riley how he felt before he left. Or when they'd text, or email, or talk on the phone. Every time he tried, his tongue'd stick to the roof of his mouth, heart simultaneously drop to his stomach and rise to his throat, palms would become so sweaty anything in his grasp ran the risk of being a projectile.

He'd felt that way in the early stages of having hung out with Jo. Going so far as to have Katie help him prove she didn't actually have the boyfriend she claimed to have. He'd certainly gone crazy with that. And he'd hardly known her then, but the signs were there. She smiled at him a certain way, their eyes meeting and sparks flying when she was throttling him all over the practice mat as her punching bag for judo. And yet he knew she was special and wanted to see her again, proving so when she finally blurted out the truth and he wasn't so mad. Relieved, even. Excited. The next step was trying to convince her that they had enough in common to go out, despite her absolutely hating hockey. He could overlook that. And had bene able to for a while, now that they weren't dating it didn't matter so much.

Riley liked hockey enough, Kendall thought with a smile. She hated the cold, but suffered through it to film his practices when he asked. Sometimes just showing up randomly just to watch. And she gave him advice, and helped him with his music, and was there for him at the drop of a hat. And, and, and…

What was going to happen when he got back? Would he finally get the nerve to say it, did she fell the same way, and most importantly…if things didn't work out, could their friendship survive it?

"Hey!" Carlos's voice startled Kendall so badly he turned the wrong way and smacked his forehead against the glass of the window. Kendall let out a low curse under his breath as he leaned forward, resting his forehead in his hands to nurse the bruise that was surely going to form. "We're home! We're at the Palm Woods!"

Carlos twisted around to sit on his knees on the seat and mashed his face against the window. His skin moved up and down along with the bouncing of the bus as the driver directed the bus into the front of the Palm Woods. A loving sigh escaped his lips, fogging the glass in front of him. "Oh, I missed this place." He sighed wistfully. "The sights, the smells, the palm trees, the-"

"Girlfriend waiting for you back in her apartment?" Logan guessed.

Carlos grinned at the mention of his girlfriend. Kendall lifted his head and caught James's eye, the two sharing a smile. It was hard to believe that just a couple of years before it seemed that Carlos was a little…helpless in the girlfriend department. And out of all of them, he was the one that seemed to have found his match made in heaven.

Stephanie King had really set the scene, pun intended, when she arrived at the Palm Woods with movie gear in tow. With the dream of being a big film maker in mind, she used the Palm Woods and its residents as her backdrop for a horror movie, catching Carlos's eye as she did so. The two had been inseparable ever since, making the other boys and their own girl drama jealous in the process.

"At least I have one," Carlos said. Logan's eyes widened in surprise at Carlos's dig. "Sorry, I just love being able to say that." He stuck out his tongue then started laughing, punching the air with his fists. "I have a girlfriend and you guys don't!"

James clenched his hands into fists. He looked at Kendall, ignoring the annoyed frown coming to Logan's face. "How long do you think we should let him get away with this?"

Kendall smiled back. "Leave him alone, it's his first girlfriend. He's excited." He blinked and clenched his teeth together, freezing his smile when Carlos continued to sing. "But I give him another few days before we beat him up."

"Got it."

Logan finally managed a glare fierce enough to get Carlos to stop singing, only to hum the song insated. "Anyway, on the whole girlfriend front, that's a work in progress," Logan said.

Kendall gave him a sympathetic smile. In only a matter of minutes, Logan was going to have to finally make a decision that he had been putting off all summer. Going back to someone that he had a really good time with and cared a lot about or going back with a girl that he had known for forever, knew everything about, and understood what he was going through in the music industry.

"In other words, he's shit out of luck," James said. He flashed his pearly whites, trying and failing to sound modest as he said, "Not like me, of course."

 _I'm so going to regret this,_ Kendall thought before asking, "What's that supposed to mean?" If it had anything to do with girls and dating, James was nothing short of a braggart. The last thing he needed was another lecture of what he was doing wrong and what to do right. Still, James commanded attention and him not getting it was even worse. "Rachael left, that Muffy girl tried to kill you last Halloween thinking you were a real vampire, one girl you thought was a mermaid, and every other one practically runs away screaming when they see you."

James merely lifted a dismissive hand as his three best friends all laughed hysterically.

"That's just your jealous talking," James said. He cleared his throat and rested a hand on his chest, tapping his fingers. "I'm going to ask out Lucy Stone." The laughter abruptly stopped while Kendall, Logan, and Carlos stared at James, mouths hanging open in utter disbelief. "Yep, Lucy. She's going to be my girlfriend. Mark my words!"

"I'll mark your padded room first, because you're crazy," Kendall remarked. His eyebrow hitched upwards. "Since when have you liked Lucy?" He thought back to the tour, trying to remember if, amongst the girls that James had flirted with, talked about, or brought backstage if he had mentioned Lucy at all. Not that he needed to think about it; if James had decided to make it his mission to get a girlfriend out of a new girl, he would have mentioned it once, or twice, or a lot.

"Since I realized how much I missed seeing her when we were on tour," James said. He was now busy flipping through his black book of girls. Kendall bristled at the sight of it. He pressed his lips together, bringing his hands up to cover his mouth, resting his elbows on his knees. That book had never really bothered him before, not before Riley's offhand comment about whether or not she'd been in it. Not before she had even said she'd asked him out one and he turned her down.

But that was supposed to be a good thing, right? That James had turned her down. He wasn't interested in her. He wouldn't have to worry about any competition. Still, there was the slight bit of doubt that wiggled in the back of Kendall's mind when Riley called him 'Handsome' and James called her 'Beautiful'.

"Besides," James continued. "he's a rocker, I rock, and we just came back on tour. We have a lot in common."

"Yeah, you're delusional and she thinks you're an idiot," Carlos cracked.

He and Logan burst out into hysterical laughter while Kendall merely smiled. Then his eyes shifted over to James. The news of him liking Lucy had caught him off guard. Not for the fact that James liked Lucy, he could like whomever he wanted; it just confused him that he didn't know about it. He figured that he and James were the closest of the four boys, having come from similar backgrounds with divorced parents, as well as being the first two that met each other.

"What?" James glanced at Kendall out of the corner of his eye.

"Nothing." Kendall shrugged. "Just…" He picked at a loose thread in the couch. Should he go ahead and say what he had to say? If the positions were reversed, he hoped that James would. _Besides,_ Kendall started to smile. _The crazy look on his face is worth it every time._ "Remember that bonfire that we had before we left?" James nodded. "What would you do if I told you that Lucy winked at me that night?"

Kendall had been surprised she had and was confused over what it meant. They'd grown to be pretty good friends once Lucy's antagonism over him and his music had subsided. Her winking at him had quickly been pushed form his mind when they went on tour. He would've completely forgotten about it had James not mentioned her.

"I'd say that you were jealous." James's voice broke into Kendall's thoughts. "Jealous that you can't get another girlfriend after you broke up with Jo. But,"—he held out a hand as if wanting to make a 'truce' on it—"I forgive you."

Kendall rolled his eyes, but shook James's hand anyway. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, really. Or even why he had mentioned it, knowing James so well he could've expected the 'jealous' response. Even when there was nothing to be jealous about.

Letting out a yelp as the bus suddenly shot forward and screeched to a stop, Kendall fell to the floor of the bus, he and his friends landing together in a heap. The sound of screeching tires filled the air, the boys slapped their hands over their ears to block out the offending noise. After a moment, they could feel the bus turn off. They were officially back in the Palm Woods and back home. The boys untangled themselves and gathered their bags, climbing off of the bus. Once outside, the bus driver pulled away and they took in the outside of the place they had called home for, almost, the past two years.

"Home sweet home," Carlos said. He sighed wistfully before they exchanged smiles. Another tour down and they were ready to start the next album an do it all over again. The excitement and relief of being home was palpable as the boys started to joke and laugh with each other, conversing about the first thing they'd do once they finished unpacking.

But a quiet night at the Palm Woods wasn't in the cards. The moment they stepped over the threshold shouting and cheering reached their ears.

 _"Welcome back!"_

 _"Congratulations!"_

Suddenly, they were surrounded by the residents of the Palm Woods from the Jennifers to Guitar Dude, to Tyler, to, surprisingly, Mr. Bitters. A stark difference from the man who tried to kick them out of the building for every slight sound they made. Questions and excited calls were sent their way in a whirlwind of sound, buffeting the boys on all sides like a swirling hurricane. They tried to answer as many questions as possible as well as signing whatever was pushed in front of their faces. Kendall couldn't help the smile that came to their face.

Finally, _finally_ they were getting the recognition as more than a boyband. The recognition they deserved from the beginning. Finally, when things calmed down a little bit, and he stopped posing for pictures, Kendall felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Right, as he'd come off the tour bus he'd taken his phone off airplane mode and all of his missed texts and emails were coming in.

He pulled it from his pocket and started to scroll through. Messages from his mother and sister, some from Gustavo and Kelly, and others from his friends. Some wishing him congratulations and that they were glad he was home. From Gustavo and Kelly, of course, all he got was their schedule for the next week, informing them of when to get right back to work.

Figures.

Kendall bypassed those tweets, making sure to go back to them, and quickly read the rest. His phone suddenly vibrated in his hands once more, nearly jumping to the ground as if trying to escape. Kendall grasped it tighter and smiled when he saw it had come from Riley.

 **Riley: Get your land legs back, yet?**

His smile widened, reading the message out in her voice in his head. Accent and teasing smile—smirk—and all. He suddenly felt nervous, his heart feeling much fuller as it rammed against his ribcage. He continued walking as he moved his thumbs, trying to come up with a good response.

"What? Are you too big of rock stars now to say 'hi' to all of your friends? Or has the time _All Over The World_ made you forget everyone back here?"

Kendall looked up as soon as he heard Lucy's voice. But didn't move fast enough. He walked right into her, knocking the two to the ground. Kendall splayed out his hands to catch his weight against the floor and held his breath, hoping his face didn't crash against hers. Lucy blinked in surprise from her sudden fall to the ground before her dark eyes squinted at the edges, cheeks puffing up as she smirked. Her eyes shifted down—to his lips—then back up, to his eyes, repeatedly.

Her lips parted and she practically purred "I knew one day you'd fall for me."

"Ha ha," Kendall replied.

"So are you going to get off me or what?" Lucy demanded after a few seconds of the two staring at each other. Kendall backed away and got to his feet, sticking out his hand so Lucy could grab onto it and allow herself to get pulled up. Lucy brushed off her black ensemble and said, "I guess I should get used to it, it seems that you're all anyone can talk about." She waved an arm, gesturing towards the 'welcome back' posters that were lining the walls.

James shoved Kendall out of the way and grinned down at Lucy, making her eyebrows rise as she leaned away from him. "All that talk must have made you miss us." His smile widened. "So guess what I spent all tour thinking about?" He didn't give Lucy a chance to answer. "You."

Lucy slowly nodded before her eyes moved over to Kendall once more. They rested on him for a moment before she turned her gaze back to James. "Must've been a boring tour," she remarked.

Carlos snickered, holding a hand up over his mouth. Logan didn't have a reaction; he was too busy looking around the Palm Woods. Lucy noticed his gaze. "If you're looking for your girlfriend, or ex or whatever she is now,"—Lucy rolled her eyes—"Camille's not here. Neither is Stephanie for that matter, they both went to the beach."

Both Carlos's and Logan's shoulders slumped and they pouted.

"Enough about them," James said, stepping in front of Carlos and Logan. He put his arm around her shoulders. "Why don't we talk about us?"

Lucy took a step back and looked over at Kendall. "Why is he talking to me like that?"

Kendall shrugged. "It's the voice he uses when he's trying to be attractive and he pretty much dibsed you so…" He trailed off.

"Dibs?" She asked. Her eyes narrowed. "Do you even know what dibs means?" Kendall shook his head. "Dealer Identification Book. A in farmers would put a chalk mark on the back of cows for sale. Am I a cow to you?"

Kendall grimaced and glanced at James, who was still lovingly looking at Lucy, as if he hadn't heard a word of their conversation at all. "No, you're not a cow," He reassured her. "You're great. And you're an awesome guitar player."

Lucy let out a loud sigh, tilting her head back. She reached over and picked up the guitar she had dropped when Kendall crashed into her. "You guys are as strange as ever," she remarked. "But I can't say that it's not nice to have you back." She slung her guitar case over her shoulder and turned to walk away, shooting a wink over her shoulder as she went.

Kendall's eyebrows raised and he turned to James, who didn't seem to notice the exchange towards Kendall and was finger-waving to Lucy as she left. He sighed. "C'mon, let's get up to the crib and get unpacked." He grabbed Logan's shoulder and shook it. " _Then_ you can have your existential crisis."

Perking up at the acknowledgement, Logan said, "So you _have_ been listening to what I've been saying!"

"Yeah…" Kendall slowly nodded. "When I wasn't too busy being shushed over you reading a stupid book. Don't forget, if it wasn't for _you_ we might not have beaten Nsync's quick change record." He flicked Logan on the nose and turned, hitting him on the side with the hockey stick that was sitting in his bag as well.

Logan shoved Kendall back, making him crash into Carlos, nearly knocking him over. Carlos shoved Kendall back and he struck James, who was broken out of his trance and shoved Kendall as well. The four boys then headed towards the crib, arguing and talking loudly as they went.

* * *

Since Katie had left the _All Over The World_ tour she'd been nothing short of busy. When she'd gotten back, she expected to sit in the apartment with nothing to do; envious of her brother and his friends as they toured. They went to London, Paris, and Germany…all over Europe. And each update from those countries made the green eyed monster in her grow and grow. But there was one bright side to being in LA. She was able to hang out with her best girl friend, Lizzie Zevon.

They did everything together; went to the mall, to the pool, hung out at the Zevon house, hung out at the crib, went to the park, went sunbathing, spied on Lizzie's brother Dak, and his best friend WayneWayne Dooley, worked on pranks to play on the boys, had multiple spa days with Mrs. Knight, messed with Bitters as often as they could, stayed up late, gossiped, had sleepovers, and went shopping.

And shopping and shopping.

Katie couldn't help but roll her eyes at the thought of potentially going shopping again. She liked hanging out with her friend, she hated looking at the things she couldn't afford. No matter how many games of online poker she won—her money went straight into her college fund.

Mu _st be nice to have parents that are loaded,_ Katie thought. She glanced at her mother and smiled as she watched her make lunch. In a gray jacket, a white t-shirt, jeans, and auburn hair pulled up into a messy ponytail, she was comfortable, relaxed, and beautiful. _But I'm glad to have my Mom._

Katie couldn't even think of the many times that she and Lizzie had gone out with Mrs. Knight, having invited Mrs. Zevon along, and have her not show up. Lizzie acted like she hadn't been bothered by it, but Katie knew that she was grateful that Mrs. Knight would give her extra attention like she did with all of her children's' friends. Even Camille, Stephanie, and surprisingly, Lucy had been around much more to hang out with Mrs. Knight while the boys had been 'd been more girls' days than Katie thought was possible to have.

"Here you go, sweetie," Mrs. Knight said, sliding a plate with a sandwich in front of her. "Nice and toasted, just as you like it."

"Thanks, mom." Katie picked it up and inspected the inside, grinning as the melted cheese stretched. Perfect, as always. "Looks great."

"Yeah, you might want to eat it fast," Mrs. Knight reminded her. She flicked her fringe from her eyes and rested against the counter to nurse a mug of coffee. "It's not going to be much longer until the boys get back."

"I think I've got time."

Katie had just opened her mouth to take a bite when the door to the crib opening and Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James all trooped inside. The boys dropped their bags to the ground and Logan, Carlos, and James all converged on Mrs. Knight to give her a hug. Katie dropped her sandwhich and jumped down from her stool.

"Kendall!" Katie ran over to her brother and threw her arms around his waist. Kendall laughed and dropped his bag to the ground, before bending down and lifting his sister up in his arms. He spun her around a few times, making Katie a little dizzy, before hugging her tightly, rocking her back and forth. "Hey, Big Brother!"

"Hey, Baby Sister," Kendall replied. He grinned, hugged her again, and then gave her a noisy kiss on the cheek before dropping her to the ground. "How are you?" He lifted a hand and held it on top of her head. "Did you get taller?"

Katie beamed. "Just a little," she replied before hugging him again, noticing her head resting near his shoulder rather than his chest and stomach. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Kendall replied. He gently grabbed onto her shoulders and pulled her back so he could look down at her face as if seeing it for the first time. He studied her for a long moment and then shook his head, chuckling. "That just means that you're waiting for whatever gifts I brought back for you."

Katie's smile widened. Her brother knew her so well.

"Hey," James complained from the other side of the apartment where the guys had dropped their bags. "Aren't we going to get some love too?" Katie turned to him and saw him standing by the couch, his arms open, and a pout on his face.

"Fine." Katie went over to James and gave him a hug as well, eagerly squeezing him before moving onto Logan and Carlos. All four of them were her brothers, not just Kendall.

"Hey, Mom." Kendall walked over to his mother and gave her a kiss on the cheek and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He rested his chin on her head and started to rock her back and forth. "I missed you, too." He hugged her tighter. "So much."

"You have laundry for me to do don't you?" Mrs. Knight guessed.

"Yyep!" Kendall beamed.

Mrs. Knight laughed, pushing her hair out of her face. Katie noticed the misty look coming to her eyes. She recognized that look, she got it a lot after she and Katie had gotten back to the Palm Woods from Canada. Every time she thought about the success that the boys were having as well as having to let her 'baby boy' go and do things on his own, she would start to get weepy. Now she was ecstatic to have her boys back in the crib with her.

It had been way too quiet with them gone; Katie realized that she had really missed them too. As much as she couldn't stand the trouble they got in that she was brought into, and the stupidity that they brought almost everywhere they went, she missed being able to hang out with them.

But that didn't mean that she was going to get all gloomy and pathetic about it. Now she could go back to making fun of them and making as much money as she pleased off of their clothes, valuables, and autographs. Their stock had gone way up and Katie was going to take advantage of it. She already had a back order of items ready to be shipped out.

"So how were things around here?" Logan settled onto the couch, letting out a long sigh that seemed to originate from the tips of his toes. Bringing an arm up over his face, he settled into the couch, letting one of his feet fall to the floor. "Quiet, I'll bet."

"Very quiet," Mrs. Knight agreed. "With you boys gone, things haven't been as lively. Even Mr. Bitters was starting to say he missed having you guys around."

"Really?" Carlos looked skeptical. He hovered by Katie's plate, alternatively looking from her sandwich to the others.

"Well, when he wasn't planning his own money making scheme off you guys," Katie said. Kendall lifted an eyebrow and she explained, "A guided tour around the Palm Woods. BTR's favorite place to hang out."

"Ah." He turned back to his phone, thumbs flying over the keys projected on the screen. Katie dind't have to look to know who he was talking to and smiled to herself. How obvious.

"So, I just have to get changed and then we can head out," Mrs. Knight said, clasping her hands together. She caught Katie's eye and smiled. "I know you guys wanted to get some rest, but I think you'll enjoy this surprise."

"Surprise?" Logan asked eagerly. "What kind of surprise?"

"Like a 'We're going to meet Wayne Gretzky' kind of surprise?" Kendall asked.

"What about a 'we're going to collab with Nicole Scherzinger' surprise?" James added

Katie snorted. "She said 'surprise' not wish fulfillment," she said dryly. Then she waved her hand. "Take your time, mom, it's not like we're going anywhere." She turned back to her sandwich, finding Carlos already into his third bite. "Carlos!"

Carlos smiled sheepishly around his food.

Katie sighed.

That was the one part she definitely didn't miss.

* * *

Riley wrapped her arms around her stomach as she leaned to the side, side stinging with her hysterical laughter. Sitting beside her, Kendall shook his head, an arm wrapped around his upraised knees, toes dug into the sand. He calmly took a sip from his soda can, waiting for her to laugh.

Finally, as she kept going he said, "It's not _that_ funny."

"That's fucking hysterical, mate," Riley denied, wiping tears away from her eyes. She continued to laugh as Kendall managed a small smile.

"It wasn't funny at the time," he finally said.

"I mean, I know fans can be bloody crazy, but that's even aggro for me." Riley looked at him for a moment, blue eyes shifting back and forth over his face. Trying to find any tells that would prove he was pulling her leg. "She really bit your stomach?"

"Leaned forward and took a big bite," Kendall agreed.

There was a moment of silence between the two before Riley asked, "Can I see?"

"No!"

The two then stated to laugh hysterically at the outburst, leaning against each other as they did so. Every time they started to calm down, they'd look at each other and another spark would fly, making them start laughing all over again. Finally, they relaxed into a comfortable silence. Kendall ran a hand through his hair to shake it out while Riley pulled her legs up to brush sand off her ankles. "So she really just leaned over and took a bite?"

"I don't know how many more times I can explain that to you, Riles."

Her eyes narrowed against the setting sun. "Sorry, Hockey-Head. It's just hard to imagine. I mean, fans can be really aggro and like to pinch and grab and follow and stalk. But to bite? That's the only one I haven't really heard of. Gustavo really needs to work on your guys' security."

"We didn't have security," Kendall said. A sarcastic smile came to his face. "Gustavo and Kelly put so much into the promotion for our tour that he couldn't afford to have Freight Train come along with us."

"Mm. I think that's more that he was too cheap to foot the bill, yeah?"

"You're probably right."

Riley matched his smile, looping her arms around her upraised knees. She listened as the waves below crashed on the shore of the beach, barely covering the shrieks and squeals of their friends as they ran back and forth along the foaming water. It had been a great surprise; a party on the beach to welcome Big Time Rush back from their first big tour…though Carlos did mistake at first that the beach had been bought for them and was now a private beach.

And all the while Riley felt more like herself and unlike herself at the same time. To say she was excited to see her friends again was an understatement. Big Time Rush had grown to be an even bigger part of her life than she anticipated, quickly moving to be some of her best friends. But to be that nervous about seeing Kendall had thrown her for a loop. No matter the time she had to prepare herself, she couldn't stop the butterflies that had crawled out of their cocoons the moment the day came. Fluttering around faster and faster as the hours dragged on.

She thought she'd gotten over her nerves the same day she realized she should've told Kendall how she felt about him before going on tour. Hindsight was always 20/20, you didn't know what you had until it was gone…all those clichés had come to mind, giving more clarity than she ever expected in life.

 _"What's wrong?" Riley jumped when she noticed Patrick rounded the chair to stand next to her. He smiled, seeing her startled. "Sorry, sis. I was just going to tell you it was time for brekkie." He sat down on the arm of the chair. "What's up?"_

 _Riley shook her head. She was silent for a long moment then leaned over to look up at her brother. "Keep a secret?" she asked quietly._

 _Whether or not he could sense the seriousness in her voice, sincerely wanted to help out his big sister, or simply for wanted to know a piece of gossip, Patrick readily replied, "Course."_

 _Riley sighed and ran her hands over her face. "I like Kendall." She said._

 _"I knew it!" Patrick cried, his eyes flashing with amusement. "I mean, everyone knew it. But I knew it." Riley glared at him. "Oh come on, you can't have thought it was a secret. You're a good liar, sis, but I've watched you with all of your other boyfriends. It's really obvious."_

 _"Obvious enough that I couldn't admit it until now. Pathetic, right?"_

 _"No," Patrick said gently. "I'm glad that you finally admitted it to yourself." He crossed his arms over his chest. "You hid it well. If I didn't know you so well, I probably wouldn't have been too sure."_

 _"What?" Riley gave him a strange look._

 _"You gave him so much attention. I mean, we all knew he liked you, especially after he wrote Cover Girl and You're Not Alone about you. Or, if what he says is true, for you. And then there was the stories that he kept telling you each time we saw them, and him always going to you to talk, even when he and Jo were on the verge of breaking up and after that. And him jumping to have you as a partner with just about anything…but then again, knowing you, I wasn't exactly sure-"_

 _"I get it."_

 _"Are you going to tell him?" Patrick asked, tilting his head to the side. He gave her a kind smile as he gave her time to think about it._

 _"No," Riley decided. She looked Patrick in the eye. He frowned. "I don't know." Patrick then raised his eyebrows. "Like you said, bro-bro, I've had a lot of guys I've been interested in and we're not as good friends as we used to be. If he doesn't feel the same way—"_

 _"—I highly doubt that—"_

 _Riley ignored him. "I don't want to risk ruining the friendship. I'd just make things weird if I said something and we tried it, and things didn't work out."_

 _"I getcha." Patrick nodded._

 _"Don't tell anyone, ok?" Riley rolled up the sleeves of her jacket, suddenly feeling very warm. "I don't want this to be a big deal. It's not a big deal."_

 _"If it's no big deal then why don't you say something now?" Patrick asked._

 _"I have my reasons, Pattycakes."_

 _"Whatever." Patrick licked his lips. "But it's not good to keep things bottled up." He playfully flicked her on the nose. "It's not like you, anyway."_

So here she was now, trying to figure out the best way to start the conversation. That was part was very much unlike her. She always had something to say. Simultaneously, she enjoyed just being able to sit with him. That part was very much like her and the part she had been looking forward to the most. When the boys had arrived at the beach, she'd been excited to see each of the boys. But when she saw Kendall, she was excited to know the two had immediately fallen back into their old ways as if nothing had changed between them.

She announced her presence with a witty one-liner that made Kendall laugh before they came together in a hug. His arms wrapped around her shoulders while Riley looped her under his and rested her hands on his shoulders. A hug that lasted maybe a bit longer than usual, but it'd been a few months since they'd seen each other and the rest of their friends. That was normal.

What wasn't quite normal, or at least were things she'd pushed down and far away, was how she felt when he hugged her. Or when they did their 'secret' handshake that wasn't quite a secret but something Kendall had insisted on that she rolled her eyes and called him 'Kendork' for. Or when they exchanged a look that conveyed everything they were thinking and didn't have to say out loud. The exact same way she felt just by sitting there next to him, his arm gently brushing against hers.

Happy.

"What?" Kendall's voice broke her out of her thoughts.

"What?" Riley repeated, turning to look at him, finding him already staring at her, a peaceful smile on his face.

"You just looked like you were in deep in thought," Kendall said.

"I guess I am."

"Penny for them."

"You can't afford it, Hockey-Head."

"Well, either way you look different."

That got her interested. "How so?"

"I don't know."

Riley had an idea she knew what it was. It had to have been how she and her brothers and sister decided that along with announcing the abuse they suffered in the past, they decided to stop hiding their scars behind makeup. And the most obvious one Riley had was the one that went from the side of her jaw up to the apple of her right cheek; a souvenir from having a vase—or a lamp—thrown at her head. She couldn't quite remember.

 _Being hit that hard managed to do that sometimes,_ she thought with a wry smile.

"Happy?" She guessed.

Kendall grinned. "Yeah, that's it. You look happy."

"I am."

"Because we're back, right?"

Riley smirked before she could stop herself. There it was, the perfect moment to say what she wanted to say. To answer the unasked question that continued to flash in Kendall's green eyes that held her still. To, maybe, be able to move forward from the consistent questions about the status of their friendship that interviewers and casual fans asked online. And yet, just as she was sure there was something Kendall had been trying to tell her all day—she recognized the expression when there was something on his mind—Riley was sure it wasn't the right time to say it.

"If I missed you, I'd need better aim," she said teasingly.

Kendall rolled his eyes, but couldn't stop the smile from forming on his face. "I should've seen that one coming."

"Yeah, you should've."

"You're not funny."

"I'm hysterical."

"Hey!" Sydney shouted from down in the water with their friends. "Guys, come on!"

Riley waved back before standing up to brush off the seat of her pants. She watched as Kendall stood up and did the same, almost as if he were stalling for time. Riley continued to smile and folded her arms. "Yeah," she finally said. "I missed you, Hockey-Head."

"I missed you, too, Riles," Kendall said. "But it's good to be back. Things are going to be so much better this year." He looked out towards the water. "No matter what, it's going to be great." It took Riley a second before she realized what he was referring to, the promise they'd made each other.

"Promise," Riley agreed. Then she shook her head and said, "You're one of a kind, Hockey-Head."

Kendall smiled and held out his hand. Riley smiled and formed her hand into a fist. The two fist bumped before keeping their knuckles pressed together and twisted their wrists, turning their hands to give each other a thumbs up. Then, without warning, Kendall grabbed onto Riley and hoisted her onto his back in piggyback style and ran, with Riley screeching with laughter, all the way down the dune and towards the water. Riley grasped his shoulders tightly to keep from falling off as he ran, kicking up sand and water as he went.

Rhuben turned their way and held up her phone to take a picture of the two.

Riley leaned down, wrapped her arms tighter around his shoulders, and pressed her cheek against Kendall's as the two grinned for the picture to be taken.

Now that he was back, they had plenty of time.

* * *

 **A/N:** Wow, took a bit for me to get back to this. Thanks for being so patient, guys.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riley**


	9. Don't Want To Break Your Heart

**.:Chapter Eight:.  
**

* * *

Kendall let out a frustrated grunt as he folded his arms, watching as Logan and Camille rapidly speak to each other, throwing their arms and over-gesticulate as they argued. Again. When was the last time they hadn't argued? And when was the last time their arguments were brought to the studio?

Not that he minded, really. Watching Gustavo get frustrated over their work was funny to him on a good day. Seeing how far he could push Gustavo's buttons was a past time. But he also liked to work on the music their band created. Watching Logan's and Camille's drama unfold once more was not the kind of fun he had in mind. Especially when Gustavo was continuing to deepen the glare towards him as the day went on.

He was stressed and Gustavo and stress did not mix. So much so that he had kicked the boys out of the studio that day after Logan had come back into the recording booth with a brooding glare on his face, ending his call from Gustavo.

"Dogs!" Gustavo barked, making the boys jump. It was a louder yell than usual. "Clearly, we're not going to get any work done today. It's making me stressed, and I'm not supposed to be stressed!"

Kelly then stepped forward to explain further. "He had his blood work done and his doctor said his blood pressure is a bit too high and he needs to be calm. So—"

"So, I need to stay away from you _dogs_ for twenty-four hours!" He clapped his hands for emphasis on the last three words. "So… stay away from me." He turned his fingers into a 'V' and pointed them at his eyes before waving them over the boys, who looked at each other in surprise.

A free day off?

They needed to make Gustavo ticked more often. Not that they didn't enjoy working on their music, it was the best career they could've ever fallen into—but days upon days filled with hours of work became difficult at the best of times and breaks were always welcome.

Now Kendall stood in the Palm Woods lobby, watching Logan and Camille fight. He and Logan were supposed to be doing their homework together—his grades had been slipping a bit lately—and Camille had stopped them to ask where they were going on their date that night. Logan made a offhand comment about how going on a date every night wasn't statistically—or financially—feasible, which Kendall knew was the _worst_ way to let her down—and they'd started off again.

Honestly, he wondered how they always managed to fight so viciously and get back together with as much passion. Passion in a relationship was always great and even romantic, but how many times could someone fight? _Enough to break them up,_ Kendall thought. Though he wasn't just thinking of his own parents but James's too.

Noticing movement out of the corner of his eye, Kendall shifted his gaze and watched as Lucy stalked into the Palm Woods, guitar case in hand. She must've been at an audition for a record company, he realized. She'd been having some good success so far, getting callbacks to nearly everyone. The top contenders were Colossal Records and Hawke Records. He knew she was going to get one soon.

When she got close enough, Kendall greeted her cheerfully, "Hey."

Lucy's eyes swept over him dismissively before she muttered a low, 'hey' in response. Kendall's eyebrows came together. Okay, that was weird. She was never really _happy_ to see him and his friends, but that was just plain rude. She stepped into the elevator, allowing the doors to close on her scowl. Kendall hesitated for a moment before following after her, opting to take the stairs. It'd take too long to wait for another elevator and even then, he could feel Bitters' suspicious gaze on his back.

He reached Lucy's apartment and knocked on the door. It swung open a second later, as if expecting someone to arrive and Kendall glanced at the bespectacled brunette that stood before him. "Oh, uh, sorry," he said quickly. "I was just looking for Lucy, she's not here is she?" Then he got a good look at the glare the brunette was sending his way and his eyes widened. Before he could stop himself he yelped, " _Oh my God!"_ before bursting into hysterical laughter.

Lucy's scowl deepened, almost as if his mere presence was annoying to her. "Get out of here," She hissed, glancing over her shoulder.

"No way," Kendall managed to say once he regained his composure.

Lucy gritted her teeth. "If you don't get out of here, I will rip your—"

"Lucille, who's at the door?" A tinkling voice called behind her, making Lucy's eyes squeeze shut.

Now Kendall grinned. Oh, this was so good. "Lucille?" He repeated.

Lucy's glare deepened as she stepped back, allowing who Kendall quickly realized to be her mother and father to squeeze into the doorway behind her. "Mom, dad, this is my friend Kendall. A friend from the conservatory. He studies classical music. Like me." The last few words were directed towards Kendall, a meaningful look on her face.

Kendall smiled, immediately understanding. He kept the smile on his face as he looked up to Mr. and Mrs. Stone, who smiled at him expectantly. "Yep!" He confirmed. "I play classical guitar."

Lucy nodded subtly then glanced up at her parents. "And he has to study for a test tomorrow and—"

"-would love to come in and chat more with you," Kendall interrupted, taking a step forward. "About _Lucille_ and the rest of our friends at the conservatory." He smirked as Lucy waved her hands behind her parents' back, trying to get him to stop before changing tactics and pulling her hand across her throat.

She was probably going to kill him, but that was worth it.

"Well, that'd be great," Mr. Stone started to say.

"But we've got to get to class," Lucy interrupted. She stepped out of the apartment and turned back to her parents. Reaching up, she grabbed Kendall's arm and painfully squeezed it. "I'll see you when I get back."

"We'll have tp meet up for dinner," Mrs. Stone said cheerfully, not noticing the angry waves radiating from her daughter. "Kendall, would you like to join us?"

"I—"

"—have to go? You're right, we'll be late. I'll see you later, mom and dad." With that, Lucy dragged Kendall down to the pool and forced him into a private cabana with him laughing the whole way. "What do you think you're doing?" She demanded.

"I'm learning more about you," Kendall explained. He stretched out, crossing his legs at the ankle and rested his laced hands on his stomach. "Like…" he pretended to think. "You play a violin and you own a wig and you lie to your parents."

Lucy rolled her eyes. She reached up and pulled off her wig and the glasses she'd put on as well, placing them on the table beside her. She sighed before saying, "Look, my parents are classical musicians." Kendall nodded, urging her to continue. "They think I'm in LA on a violin scholarship and they'll be very disappoint and angry if they found out I dyed my hair black and red and am trying to be a rock guitar goddess."

Kendall shook his HEAD. "But you've been doing great out here," he reminded her. "You're an amazing guitarist and some of the biggest record companies want to work with you." Lucy gave a small smile. "So I don't know why you have to pretend."

"You haven't met my parents," Lucy said with a chuckle. "My brother joined a band as a drummer. They were so disappointed they sent him off to military school."

"Just for joining a band?"

"Well, he'd been getting in some trouble, too. But that was the final straw. They don't really like how rebellious and…awesome rock music can be."

Kendall started to smile. He felt the same way about the genre. "So, what can I do to help?"

Lucy's smile immediately faded. "You can help by staying away from my parents. They're going to invite you to dinner with us, but you shouldn't come. Make any excuse you can. She'll try her hardest to drag you in. No one can beat my mom's midwestern charm."

"Relax." Kendall held up his hand. "No one can beat my LA cool."

Lucy gave him a confused look. "Aren't _you_ from the Midwest?"

"Yeah, that, too."

With a smile, Lucy pulled a hand through her hair and leaned back in her seat. "Not that it matters much, they're probably already planning our wedding. Like they do with all of the…" she trailed off. "Like she does with all of them," she finally said. "Always trying to find a way to control my life, to make me into the perfect everything. They want me to keep up that image. Perfect. The perfect daughter, perfect musician, perfect girlfriend."

"There's no such thing as the perfect girlfriend," Kendall pointed out. "You have to take the good with the bad and work through it. Because no one is perfect, they can just be perfect for each other." Kendall paused, suddenly frowning.

"Wow." Lucy blinked in surprise, impressed. "I knew you were a hopeless romantic, but I didn't think it went that far. You sounded like you really believe that."

"I do." Then something struck him, and he looked at Lucy curiously. "How'd you know I was a hopeless romantic?"

"I read it in some interview." Lucy waved the thought away.

"So…you were _reading_ about me?"

"If you're going to be my date with my parents, and trust me, they're going to talk you into it, then I need to know more about you, Kendall," Lucy said. "And besides, we're friends, right?"

"Right."

Lucy was right, they were friends. So, he was going to help her continue to fool her parents. He just needed to keep her story straight. That'd be easy. But there was something else Lucy was right about. Her mother's Midwestern charm was unable to be beat and the next thing he knew, he was in a blazer and a nice shirt, walking along with Lucy and her parents towards the front of Chez Fancee, with Lucy glaring at him the entire way.

* * *

"Did I have to wear a tie?" Sydney demanded, tugging at the black silk tied around his neck. When it didn't move, he turned to his siblings with a pout. "I don't like ties."

"Join the club, Little Man," Patrick agreed, pushing back the bottom of his jacket to slide his hands into the pockets of his slacks. "At least your toes aren't squished." For emphasis, he wiggled his toes within the black leather dress shoes he was wearing as well.

Noah flicked his head, a habit he'd formed from his long hair hanging in his face. However, it had been gelled back so the movement made it look like he had a tic. "I told you those were my shoes," he said in his quiet voice.

"I was in a rush," Patrick replied. He pressed the tip of one shoe to the heel of the other, sliding his feet out so that he stood in his socks. "Here, switch with me."

"We're in the middle of a fancy restaurant," Rhuben said with a curl of her upper lip, watching her twin brothers exchange shoes. "And you're switching your bloody shoes?"

"No one's paying attention to us anyway," Patrick said, pointing with his chin towards the host and the waiters and waitresses that walked around. "They're walking around with their noses so high in the air I'm surprised they haven't bloody taken off."

"Any bogeys in the cave?" Riley joked, watching as another waiter walked by, barely casting them a glance. She leaned over, feigning trying to see then stood up straight, laughing along with her siblings. "I couldn't tell. It was too dark."

Sydney glanced over to the entrance of the restaurant and watched as Ronan cheerfully shook hands with three men dressed in suits. "Since when do we come to restaurants to schmooze these blokes? Couldn't they have just come to one of our concerts."

"Well, after the last guy didn't listen to us when we said it'd be a good idea to wear earplugs, I can understand why," Riley said. She stood up straight, resting her weight on her right leg to give her left a break from the high-heels she was wearing, she added. "We'll just have to make the best of it, yeah? It can't _actually_ kill us." Though she wasn't quite sure that was true.

"Ronan _did_ say we could order whatever we wanted," Rhuben added.

"Uh-oh." Noah smirked. "He never should've said that."

"I want lobster!" Patrick and Sydney declared in unison then high-fived.

"Ace," Riley said. She lifted a hand and started to tap at her lips. "I think I might go with a prime rib steak."

"Hey, our table is ready," Ronan said as he walked up to his adopted kids and clients. Then he motioned to the men behind him. "These are the A&R guys from the company. They're very excited to be here today."

"What happened to Matt?" Rhuben asked with a light tilt of her head.

Ronan smiled a little. An infamous story of how they had been recognized in the US and brought to Ronan's attention. Matt—or as the Jacksons all called him affectionately, 'Matt the recruiter'—was the one who had been at the mall the first time he'd heard them sing and immediately called Ronan and told him about them. Ronan then had gone to see for himself and nearly signed them on the spot, only becoming more excited when he'd heard they played their own instruments.

"He's down in San Diego doing some work," he explained. "But he says he's sorry he couldn't make it." Ronan gestured towards Riley and Rhuben and said to the three suited men, "He was excited to speak to you about the different opportunities we have for expansion with their mix-gendered audience but I'm sure that can be left for another time. Let's go eat."

He held out his arm and waited for the others to pass by him before falling in last in line. He tugged at the tie around his neck and murmured to Sydney, "How do people stand these things being so tight?" making his youngest son laugh.

Riley hugged her purse to her side as she followed her brothers and sister to their table, only stopping when she heard her name called.

"Riles!"

Riley turned around and saw Kendall standing behind her and grinned. "Hey Hockey-Head," she greeted him, surprised at just how glad she was to see him. "What are you doing here?" She gestured towards his suit. "I know you clean up, nice, I style you guys all the time. But you really did good job on your own. Bonzer, even."

"Thanks." Kendall pulled back the bottom of his coat, as if suddenly nervous. Then he lifted his gaze. "And you look—" he paused, suddenly looking at her closely. He appeared stunned as he said, "Wow. Riles, you look, amazing."

"Thanks." Riley felt herself flush and gestured around the room. "The people we're meeting insisted on coming to this restaurant. Thankfully that means we can order anything we want off the menu without Ronan complaining and I'm pretty sure Pat and Syd both want the lobster." She tilted her head to the side, noticing he was still staring at her. "Uh, are you okay?"

"Huh?" Kendall blinked.

"You're looking pretty aggro, mate. Is everything okay?"

Kendall snapped up and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Kendall." Riley's gaze slid to the side. Her breath caught in her throat and a wave of irritation washed over her when she saw Lucy coming their way, dressed in a floral print dress, a white jacket, a string of pearls around her neck, and a brunette wig. Looking very different than her normal attire of…well…what Riley usually wore. "Come on, my parents are awaiting," She said once she reached Kendall's side. "Let's get this date over with."

Riley winced, hearing the word 'date' but quickly covered it up with an innocent expression when Kendall suddenly came back to life. "Right, uh, yeah," he stammered. "It's, uh, not a date really," he explained to Riley. "Just helping Lucy out with her parents. Who are in town. Eating dinner. With us. You know, kind of like a man to man spread."

"Sounds more like a zone defense," Riley said before her eyes widened with horror. "Oh God, I've been spending too much time with you, Hockey-Head," she teased lightly. Then she nodded towards Lucy. "Well, that explains you being here," She said mildly, clutching her purse in front of her. "Gustavo would never take you guys here without having some sort of a death wish against you lot." Kendall smiled. "And you don't like the snootiness of fancy restaurants, not understanding why you 'have to fit into a certain look to eat'." She used air quotes around the words.

"Right, like you just don't really feel like being very fancy sometimes. Not unless you have to."

"You remembered."

"Yeah." He looked confused. "So…why are you here?"

Riley gave him a 'duh' look. "I told you, boofhead. We're meeting A&R people to talk about our image going forward after our break." Kendall continued to look confused. "I told you last week."

"Wow," Lucy broke in, giving Riley a smile with an impressed nod. "You look hot."

"Cheers," Riley agreed, a little less enthusiasm in her voice. She gestured towards her. "I'll let you get back to your dinner."

"Yeah, you too," Kendall said. "Have fun." He gave her a look, one she recognized to know he was commiserating in her misery and she rolled her eyes in response, making him laugh.

Then she joined her siblings at their table and laughed when she saw Patrick and Noah with their chin in hand, barely listening to what Ronan was saying, leaning towards each other. She caught the glimpse of a white wire running through their hands and whispered, "Who's winning?"

"Giants are up," Patrick whispered back. "Second quarter."

"Cheers, you're a legend."

"You're going to get in trouble," Rhuben sing-songed from across Riley.

Sydney, who sat dutifully next to her, tapping his spoon against the table, said without looking up, "You're the one who's listening to music at the table."

Rhuben grinned, not denying it. "Yeah, but I can use that as an excuse. You can't excuse the sound of a screaming announcer."

For most of dinner, the Jacksons were in professional mode, answering questions that were asked of them and joining conversation of the way they saw their band going once they started working on new music again. Through every course of food, they spoke of their music and what they'd do moving forward, especially in terms of being there to help Big Time Rush. Riley actually didn't pay much mind to Lucy and Kendall being at the restaurant as well—or Logan and Camille who had shown up, obviously having gotten back together from how often they ignored their food to makeout—until the sound of a microphone feedback caught her attention.

The Jacksons, Ronan, and the record company execs looked over to see Kendall and Lucy standing on stage, both holding onto guitars with Mr. and Mrs. Stone standing nearby nodding encouragingly. "Well," Kendall coughed into his microphone, looking uneasy. "I know these aren't violins, but I'm sure you'll enjoy it anyway."

He and Lucy settled back onto their stools and Kendall plucked a few notes on his guitar to determine if it was in the correct pitch. Then he started to play a familiar tune and began to sing, " _I don't know why you always get so insecure. I wish you could see what I see when you're looking in the mirror…"_

Riley rapidly tapped the back of her fork against the table top as she listened to the Big Time Rush song. And watched Kendall and Lucy continue to smile at each other as they performed. She recognized the look.

It was ridiculous, she told herself, to be getting so worked up over it. It was a song. Anyone could play any song they wanted to, when they wanted to. But she felt as if all eyes were on her, wondering how she was reacting to what was unfolding in front of her. As it was, she could see her siblings and Ronan exchange glances with each other while the record company executives were none the wiser of the storm brewing inside her.

She kept her face blank, a skill she learned years ago. If she was able to keep a secret of how much pain she was enduring from Robert, then she could keep anything else a secret. But the storm continued to brew, growing stronger until it was a full-force hurricane and she was a tiny speck stuck in its path.

Finally, Riley pushed back her seat and got to her feet, mumbling out an apology to the record company executives and turned to Ronan. "I'm not feeling to well, I think I'm just going to go home." She knew by looking at him that he knew she was lying. Instead of calling her out on it, as he normally would do, he gave her a sympathetic smile and said, "I hope you feel better."

Patrick started to get up as well. "Ri—"

"—I got it," Rhuben interrupted, placing her hand on Patrick's shoulder to push him back down. "You guys stay here. This is a sister thing." She grabbed her purse and followed Riley out of the dining area, catching up to her in the lobby as she searched her purse for her keys.

"I don't want to talk about it," Riley said as soon as her sister appeared at her side.

"I didn't think you did," Rhuben agreed. "I was going to say that Dak and WayneWayne are going to the Grove and there's a huge party going on." She folded her arms then tilted her head back towards the dining room where the notes of the guitars continued to waft out. "And, it's a party I seriously doubt the boys can talk themselves into, no matter how hard they try."

"And how hard Gustavo tries to keep them from going," Riley added. Then she started to smile. "You had me at party."

Rhuben held out her arm and Riley looped hers through it before the two left the restaurant.

* * *

Kendall ran a hand over his face, trying to tune out the sounds of the bomb explosions and gunfire from one side of the living room and the blender running at a high speed on the other. Since arriving back from the restaurant, Logan, Carlos, James, and Katie immediately went to play the newest version of their favorite video game while his mother had arrived back from the gym and got to work making some sort of a smoothie.

It was a nasty green-brown color and with everything she continued to throw into it, a nauseating smell permeated from the unsealed lid. "What is that thing, anyway?" Kendall asked.

Mrs. Knight smiled as she looked over the recipe. "It's a Strawberry Kale Banana Tofu smoothie," she explained. "Supposed to be filled with vitamins and minerals and I'd add an electrolyte supplement to make sure I replenish those I've lost in sweat." She nodded over to the couch. "Logan told me about it."

Kendall stared at her, aghast. "Do you have a death wish?"

"Honey, tofu is good for you—"

"No, do you have a death wish against _us?_ That stuff reeks!"

Mrs. Knight lifted an eyebrow, bringing the glass up in a toasting position. "Honey, until you do your own laundry and smell the stink that comes from yours and the boys' hockey clothes, you know nothing about stink." She smiled at her own joke and walked over to the table to sit next to her son. "What are you doing over here? Why aren't you playing the game with your friends?"

"I'm not really in the mood," Kendall replied. He nodded towards his computer, noticing Jo's name on screen and quickly looked away. The humor in his situation was starting to lessen as the seconds passed. Mrs. Knight noticed the aversion of his gaze and let out a quiet sigh, placing her hand on Kendall's.

"I know things are hard between you and Jo right now," she said gently. "But you have to believe you two can go back to being friends. You really care about each other and that's not going to change. It may take a little time. All the best things do."

Kendall managed a small smile. His mother was the best person to go to for advice. And it always helped, even if the people in the scenario weren't exactly the same. "It's not Jo," he said. "We still haven't really talked but she's been busy with her movie." He ran a hand through his hair. "It's about Riley." Mrs. Knight nodded as if she expected it. "And Lucy."

Mrs. Knight stopped nodding.

"I might've done something really stupid," he murmured. Then waited. Silence. He looked up and found his mother looking at him expectantly. "Uh, you're supposed to jump in here!" He prompted, waving his hand to prompt her. "To say 'it's not stupid, it's just a misunderstanding' or 'I'm sure everything will be okay'."

He glared over his shoulder when Katie laughed so loud and hard that tears started to come to her eyes. Then Kendall looked back at his mother and saw her trying to hide her smile, making him glare at her as well.

She corrected herself, clearing her throat, then said, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but even you should know by now that you boys have the tendency to make things worse before they get better. Even if you have the right intentions going into it."

He felt his stomach squeeze painfully hearing her words. _You tend to make things worse before they get better._ He'd said that to Riley multiple times when she and her siblings tried to help him, Logan, Carlos, and James with whatever scheme they cooked up.

"That's because it's more fun," she'd always respond though he'd notice the flicker of unease in her eyes with how things turned out.

But this wasn't something he was sure could really be fixed. Kendall had looked up during the performance and saw her and Rhuben leaving the restaurant and asked Ronan and her brothers about it. They'd all said she was sick, but he didn't believe it. He'd seen her sick once and knew she cried when she was sick and only when she was sick, because she felt so horrible.

She wasn't sick. She was hurt.

Something upset her, and he had a feeling he knew what it was. Deciding to play _Cover Girl_ …he was of two minds about it. It was a mistake to play it, knowing that he'd had written it for Riley but at the same time, it wasn't so bad because…he'd felt something when he sang the words to Lucy.

"What happened?" Mrs. Knight asked, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"I'm not sure," Kendall said slowly, lowering his voice to a mumble so the sounds of the video game obscured his admission. "And I don't know what to do."

It wasn't that he didn't want his friends to hear, but knew they would tease him about it. Just as they'd teased him about Jo and how they teased Logan and Camille-when they weren't constantly breaking up and getting back together. _Thank God they're back together now,_ Kendall thought of how they'd reunited their romance at dinner that night. Though he knew it was only a matter of time until some other fight broke them up again. It just seemed to be how their relationship worked and as long as they were happy…

"Because?" Mrs. Knight prompted.

"Because I think I like them and I think they like me…well, I know Lucy does." That night was a good indication of it. "I don't know if Riley feels the same way. I tried to tell her before we left and when we got back but…things didn't work out. And I tried to tell her when we were at the beach. I tried to hold her hand." He shook his head, waving away the depressed feeling that settled in his stomach. "I guess it's just wishful thinking she feels the same way. But now Lucy seems to like me and—"

"—And you don't want to miss out on something that could be good with either of them," Mrs. Knight said with a slow nod of realization. "On one hand, you haven't known Lucy long and she's new and exciting, and a new friend. She may be someone you could be happy getting to know. On the other hand, you and Riley have been through a lot together and are great friends. If you move forward with your feelings and things don't work out, you may lose a great friendship."

"Exactly," Kendall agreed. "So…what do you think I should do?"

"You should talk to them; openly and honestly."

"But what if I have to make a choice?"

Mrs. Knight tightened her grasp on her son's hand. "Only you know the answer to that. You have to listen to your heart and it'll lead you to where you need to go."

"Is that what happened with you and dad?"

The question slipped out before Kendall could stop it. He hadn't meant it to sound as cynical as it did, but he was honestly curious. Kendall saw pain flash through his mother's eyes as it always did when his dad was brought up. It'd been over ten years and the way he treated her still hurt and it hurt Kendall as much to know there was nothing he could do about it. Now that his father was back in his life, he had to interact with him every now and then, especially since he and his mother were trying to figure out their separation. Despite finding a new and happy relationship in Ronan, it was still hard for her.

"Your father and I are complicated," Mrs. Knight finally replied. She nervously brushed her red fringe from her forehead. "And we probably always will be. But we're working things out, because that's what my heart wants. To work things out."

"Do you think you'll ever be friends again?" Kendall asked. He'd heard many stories of how his parents had met and how their friendship—and his hockey's team constant stops at her diner—evolved into them falling in love.

For a long moment, Mrs. Knight was silent. "I don't know," she admitted. "But I'm not opposed to trying. And you shouldn't be either." She then picked up the smoothie she made and took a sip. Kendall watched her with amusement as she made a face, tried to hide it, and swallowed thickly.

"So, how is it?" He asked, now trying to hide his own laughter.

Mrs. Knight set the glass aside. "The most important thing is that I wasn't opposed to trying it."

Kendall laughed and turned his attention back to his computer, accepting the kiss his mother pressed against his head before going to take a shower.

"C'mon," Kendall murmured, resting his chin in his hand. He continued to watch the computer screen, refusing to take his eyes away from the chat log that told him how many people were online. He glanced at Jo's name, seeing she was still online and started to move his mouse to click it.

There he paused. What would _that_ conversation be like? Talking to his ex-girlfriend about two other girls he was interested in. _Yeah, Kendall, that'd go over well,_ he thought with a roll of his eyes. _Just like saying I'd be working with Jordan Sparks would be great._ Jo had grown to understand he and Jordan were only co-workers on that one song, but he understood Jo's worries. They had been stuck in multiple compromising positions…but all the same Jo had reacted quickly before letting him explain what was going on.

They'd argued about a lot. That she was too jealous and didn't trust him. Then the tables were turned on him when Jett came into the picture. It was hard. How was anyone supposed to be okay with their girlfriend kissing someone else? Even if it was for a TV show. It was hard to separate her from her character at the beginning and knowing their agents wanted her and Jett to pretend to be together off-screen made it harder. They fought about that, too.

And Jo's anger—as well as Riley's shorthanded statement that he was an idiot for not trusting her—helped him realize how he was wrong. Just as Jo had realized she was wrong with things with Jordan. Who was wrong in this case? And was there anything that could make things go back to normal?

"Are you sure you don't want to play with us?" Carlos called across the living room from the explosions coming from the TV. He laughed loudly in James's face when his character on screen blew up into a thousand bloody chunks that rained down across the screen and high-fived Katie, who laughed as well.

James howled in dismay before glaring at Carlos with dangerously narrowed eyes. "I know where you sleep," he growled.

"Well, he's the only one who can stand your mess so…" Logan agreed with a bob of his head. "Hey Carlos, here's another mess." He pressed his thumb into a button on the controller and blew him up, this time laughing directly in Carlos's face along with James as Carlos stared at the TV screen, frozen in shock.

Finally, something on screen changed and Kendall saw Riley's name pop up. He took a deep breath and hovered over her name. Then he glanced at his friends and picked up his computer, moving it to his room for some privacy. He closed the door behind him and flopped onto his bed, stuffing his earbuds into his ears. Then he took a deep breath to steady himself as he clicked on Riley's name and started up a video chat. Normally they text-chatted, nearly every night, but every now and then it was good to see each other's face when they talked.

He just hoped she'd answer.

Kendall continued to watch the screen as the loading dots continued to illuminate and fade in succession. Again. And again. And again. And again. Just as he was about to end the call, it was finally picked up and a black box appeared on screen. It took a second for the camera to focus before an image of an empty chair sitting in front of a wall filled with photographs appeared. He saw pictures of the beach and of her family and friends, recognizing a few of them as scenes from tours they'd been on together and random candid shots she took with the girls.

Finally, Riley appeared on screen, practically throwing herself into the chair, holding onto a towel. "Hey," She said breathlessly.

Kendall looked at her for a second before bursting out into laughter. He had noticed the sparkling on her cheeks first, before his eyes roved and noticed it was in her hair and on her collarbones as well. "What happened? You look like a glitter bomb exploded on you."

"I reckon you're not far off, mate," Riley said with a low laugh. She rubbed the towel across her cheek, hoping to remove any of the offending substance. "You would've thought it was bloody New Year's. And this was just the glitter, you missed the confetti."

"Sounds like a good time," Kendall said kindly.

"It was bonzer! A right blowout." She gave up trying to rub off the glitter and rested the towel around her shoulders, finally looking him in the eye. "I have to hand it to Dak, the bloke knows a good party when he sees one."

So that's what happened. "Oh," he said. "You went to a party?"

She hesitated. "Yeah, I went with Rhu, Dak, and WayneWayne."

"Ronan said you were feeling sick." He didn't say it accusingly. But was confused. The feeling was really starting to bug him. He was the confident one, the one who could lead his friends into and through tough situations. He always had an answer for everything. Always had a plan. And now he was stumped. It wasn't a fun feeling.

"I was," she said shortly and didn't explain any further.

Honestly, he hadn't expected her to. Kendall shifted his gaze and opened another window to pull up Scuttlebutter. It didn't take long to find picture of the night she'd spent with her sister and friends. Numerous candid shots of the four of them squeezed together for a picture, some with their tongues sticking out, others with bright smiles, and videos of the four shouting along to whatever music that was being played—it was so loud Kendall couldn't tell what it was—while dancing madly.

He smiled a little, before feeling a pang of envy and jealousy simultaneously. Quickly, he changed the subject. "How are things going with Dak and Rhu, anyway?" It hadn't truly surprised him when Rhuben finally agreed to go out with Dak, it was obvious Dak liked her. And, if he were being honest, it was obvious to him she liked him, too. He'd talked to Rhuben about it before, giving his two-cents in saying it was worse to not experience things due to uncertainty.

The irony wasn't lost on him.

"Pretty good from what I can tell," Riley said after a second of thinking about it.

"You don't think he's around too much?" He teased.

"It's not any different than before and you have no place to talk, mate. I'm sure the others say the same about you. I know it for a fact."

"Yeah, but I'm not dating you."

Riley didn't respond, almost as if she was unsure of what to say. It was the first time he'd seen her speechless in a calm manner, other than being speechless by anger. The words had just slipped out. He didn't know what he meant by it and didn't even know how to keep the conversation going. That was even more foreign. They _always_ had something to talk about. Even if it were nothing.

"So, how was the rest of your night?" She asked instead.

Kendall paused. "It was fine," he said. "Pretty good actually. Lucy's parents still don't know about her trying to be a rock star so that's a win in my book."

"Finally, one of your fucking plans went right, Hockey-Head."

"It's bound to happen." Feeling a dull pain in his lower back, Kendall sat up and shuffled back against his mountain of pillows, stretching his legs in front of him and placed his laptop on his lap. "I'm waiting for something to go wrong. I don't know what it is, but I keep having the feeling I'm forgetting something."

"No matter what manages to go right, something's _always_ going to go wrong, yeah?" Riley said. She lifted a hand to run it through her hair, a smirk pulling at her lips. "You hope your plans go perfectly and there's always something a little off. You can't chase perfection, because you'll never reach it, you'll just keep running."

Kendall laughed, running his hands over his face. "Okay. I know you're smart, Riles, but you really need to lay off the whole sounding like a fortune cookie thing."

She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "If anything, I sound more like Mr. Feeny."

"Sure, if you want to be old and gray."

"If you've been around my brothers long enough, you'll start to spout some gray hair, too."

"Try being around Katie." He pretended to have suddenly noticed something. "Is that why you dye your hair so much?"

She feigned a gasp of shocked surprise, bringing up a hand to cover her mouth. "How'd you know?" The two laughed then Riley said, "I'm glad you had a good night. Looked like Lucy really needed some help."

"Yeah. It was cool to help her out, I got to know her a little bit more." He watched as Riley nodded and shifted her gaze just to the size, as if she had noticed something or someone had come into the room. But she didn't lift her eyebrows or lift her head to acknowledge another person. Just stayed silent. A thought suddenly struck him. "You don't like her."

"I never said that," She quickly defended herself.

"But you don't."

"I don't even know her. You can't dislike someone you don't know. I know my reputation and my image doesn't help much, but I don't hate people for no reason, yeah?"

But Kendall wasn't about to let the conversation end. He needed to know. "Why don't you like her? She's a fan of yours and you guys. And really looks up to your music for inspiration. And she's really good at the guitar and writing songs. You have a lot in common."

"Coming from the guy who mistook her for me?"

Oh yeah. That. He cringed at the thought. Honestly, it was silly now that he had managed to mistake them. But he hadn't known many people with a similar hair style and clothing style in a short amount of time. Riley and Rhuben did have similar looks—being twins aside—but their own personalities made their personal styles differ. And, he wasn't the only one who had confused the two, he'd heard it around the Palm Woods. And the look on Riley's face when they met meant she'd seen it as well.

Then there was the fact that James was after her, too— _No,_ Kendall reprimanded himself. _Don't think about that._ "That was a…well, we had plans that day, so I was thinking you got out early and…" Riley continued to look at him with raised eyebrows and a tilted head, waiting for him to dig himself out of the hole he made. "I was just—"

"—thinking about me?" She teased.

"Yes!" Kendall blurted. He pointed at her. "That." He suddenly realized she looked startled, and mentally went back in his head, wondering what he'd said. He quickly fell into it and cringed. _I was thinking about you._ He may as well said he was in love with her, hat would've been less of a blow.

"I don't blame you, I'm hard to forget."

"You're right."

The two shared a warm smile. Then Riley looked away again, this time picking up her phone as it started to buzz. He wondered who it was that had texted her. "Hey, I've got to go, Hockey-Head. I'll talk to you later."

"Wait!" Kendall cried, desperately. She couldn't go yet, not when things weren't right between them. Weren't back to normal. He could feel it. Riley paused and looked at him. "You only just got on."

"I've got some things to do that I've been putting off. I mean," Riley added, looking at him seriously. "Unless you have something to tell me."

Kendall held his breath.

It was the best time to say it, to say everything he was feeling. How confused he was. Confused for his feelings for her and what was going on with Lucy. Riley was great, and was his best friend, and someone he loved to spend time with. She was there for his successes and failures and encouraged him every step of the way. But…it didn't seem to be happening. And Lucy was cool, new, and seemed to be enjoying his company as much as hers, now that she'd gotten over all the weird things that happened around him and his friends. Ad, if he wasn't going crazy, they seemed to have had a moment that night at dinner.

She'd held his hand and hadn't pulled his hand away in disgust. And it was nice. Better than nice. He felt sparks and his heart race in the way that made him excited for what could possibly happen between them. And the way she looked at him while they were performing with grateful smiles and her parent's blessing and…

Fuck, he was confused.

And nothing was better for confusion than talking it out with someone you trusted.

But what happened if you couldn't say it because you may ruin what you had with the person you trusted? Her friendship was important to him and he wanted to keep it more than anything. That day at the beach, when they'd returned from their tour, he tried to hold her hand. Wanted to see if there was anything that'd changed between them while they were gone, wanted to get everything out in the open. But she'd only did their handshake. He pushed away the disappointment he felt and tried to make peace with it.

They were friends, best friends, and they always would be. They promised.

So, with a heavy heart, Kendall took a deep breath and looked Riley in the eye—computer eye—and said, "No, I don't have anything to tell you."

Riley's eyebrows rose and while she didn't say anything, she gave him a look that said, "You're lying," and he gave her one that said, "I know," in response. Riley flashed him the peace sign—he returned the gesture before turning off the computer.

He'd made up his mind.

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry it took so long to get back to this update. But we're nearing the end. Just a note that for future chapters and things that go on with Dak, we created the personality and his interactions with Rhuben (and by some extension, her family) before what's current in our social climate. So what you'll see of him here is before the changes we have and are currently making to him and I hope no one's offended. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

 **Cheers,**

 **Riley**


	10. Want To Give Your Heart A Break

**.:Chapter Nine:.**

* * *

Okay, he was going to do it.

Today was the day.

He'd ask Lucy out and things would go perfectly…things would go great…there was a big chance things would go catastrophically wrong. How many times had he tried already? Four or five and each time had been ruined by his so-called-best-friends who did nothing more than taunt and tease him each chance he got? It wasn't like he was innocent, really. Kendall had done the same thin, many times in fact, just to piss off James a little.

Then again, James was the one who could get girls as soon as he locked eyes with them. Was it such a big deal when he'd ruin one or two? Maybe. At the time James would declare he'd never speak to Kendall again and each time Kendall would wait with a smirk and a pair of folded arms, mentally ticking the clock away before James would come around. He usually only lasted a few minutes at most.

That was before LA. That was before the pressures of being everything they never thought they'd be. Kendall loved the band, but there was something about Minnesota he missed, how he could be himself without having to worry if it was for his 'image'. Lucy made him feel that he was moving closer to the person he used to be. The only thing he hadn't anticipated was how off-kilter she'd make him.

All his previous attempts to ask her out; with flowers in the Palm Woods Park—he ended up getting nailed in the head with a football that Carlos had thrown towards James, who Kendall didn't know was running towards him. While in the lobby of the Palm Woods—where Logan and Carlos had ruined it when they practically tackled him to the ground because of something that Logan did to Carlos. Kendall still wasn't sure and his ears still rang from their loud yelling and screeching. His third attempt had been while they were hanging out at the Palm Woods pool.

It was the perfect recipe for romance, if he were being honest. The sun was shining brightly, casting a golden glow over the entire pool deck. Bright enough that he wore sunglasses to add an air of mystery to their conversation, while simultaneously keeping her form seeing how he nervously shifted his eyes aside. Warm enough that they were able to wear shorts and brighter colors but not so much that it'd bring attention to the beads of sweat on his forehead. Kendall ran his hands along the legs of his swim trunks, a perfect excuse to get away—wanting to take a dip in the pool—if she were to say 'no' or do anything adverse to his question, and licked his lips, steadying himself.

"So," he started. "I was wondering…"

Lucy turned to him and lifted her eyebrows, an expectant expression on her face. He saw that look, that small smile every time he was seconds away from finally pulling the proverbial trigger. She would say 'yes' he knew she would. She'd been giving him that soft, excited smile whenever she saw him, ever since their double date with her parents when she held his hand. Since then they'd held hands a few times, always of her initiation. If he tried to hold hers, she'd pull her hand away as if nothing was happening then flash him a wink or a knowing smile that'd make his worries ease and a smile come back to his face.

She made him nervous, worried, confused, and excited all in one. Much different form Minnesota-Kendall. But this was LA-Kendall and things were different. He had his own confidence in a new way; confident in knowing he was in a band that performed for someone nearly every night, confident that she liked him, too, confident that they would make a good match.

If only he could just get the fucking words out.

"If you're not doing anything," Kendall continued as Lucy continued to wait expectantly. "There's this party that—"

An arm slammed down around his neck and Kendall flinched in surprise and irritation when the rest of James's body landed on the pool chair beside him with Carlos flopping on his other side and Logan landing on the end of the pool chair Lucy was stretched out on. Lucy's eyes widened in surprise, she and Kendall exchanged a look before turning back to James, Logan, and Carlos.

"Hey, what's going on?" James asked with a grin so large Kendall knew it was a plan of revenge for the times he'd messed up things for him.

"Are you aaasking Lucy ooout?" Carlos teased, stretching out the words as embarrassingly as possible.

Lucy's lips pulled back into a smile and she looked at Kendall again, who seemed stuck in stunned silence. His jaw hung open, no matter how loudly he screamed at himself to 'close your mouth, stupid!'. Then Logan drove the final nail in the coffin when he said in a falsetto, complete with throwing a hand over his chest, "Oh Kendall, I'd _love_ to!" which prompted James, Logan, and Carlos all to start making kiss sounds.

Kendall could only mutter an 'I'm sorry', to Lucy before cringing so hard he wished he'd black out. How he managed to get out of that situation, he wasn't quite sure. But the next thing he knew, his feet had taken him back to the Palm Woods where he focused his attention on the guitar. He'd managed to write some semblance of a song out of it, before casting his guitar aside.

But he wasn't sulking anymore. No, he was going to do it. So, as he walked out of his bedroom, dressed in a nice shirt and jacket, Kendall tried to ignore his friends as they…what were they doing? Kendall turned on his heel and looked at his three best friends as they rapidly spun around the floor with their heads pressed to the ends of baseball bats.

"What…?" He started to ask, then watched as they collapsed to the ground.

"Oh, hey Kendall!" Carlos cried as he sat on the ground, legs splayed in front of him with a dizzy smile on his face. "Where are you three going?" His eyes rolled in his head. "Aren't you going to practice with us?"

Right. Practice for the Rocque Records annual picnic. He'd completely forgotten about that. Honestly, he hadn't even known it was a thing until Gustavo screamed at them that they needed to make an appearance. As far as Kelly knew, it was an 'annual tradition' that had ended after a 'unfortunate croquet incident' between Gutsavo and Griffin that had landed them in the hospital.

"Maybe later, I have stuff to do," Kendall said.

"Wait!" James held up his hand, recovering from his dizziness faster than the others. Kendall cringed, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep himself hidden from James for too long. The boy had a nose like a bloodhound when it came to looking good. No one could look better than him. With a bit of effort, James got to his feet and went to Kendall's side.

Kendall folded his arms, watching James as he walked around him in a circle, obviously looking him up and down. "Yes, James?"

"Hmm." James rubbed his chin. "Your jeans are clean, you're wearing nice shoes, you're wearing your favorite shirt—"

"—This isn't my favorite shirt," Kendall denied. He grabbed at the fabric to prove it, then looked at it closer. A simple white t-shirt with blue stripes all along the front. Oh yeah. It _was_ one he wore a lot. If he remembered correctly, Riley had given it to him on his last birthd— _Okay, don't think about that,_ Kendall reminded himself, a surge of confusion and…he wasn't' quite sure what else, longing wasn't the word, ran through him.

Since that dinner thing had gone back to normal between the two of them. Or what a semblance of normal was. It had stuck with him, that she knew he was lying about what he was going to tell her and ultimately didn't. Not so surprising as she knew him well enough—and had been around him enough—to know (and proven to know) the subtle differences in his expressions and the way he carried himself indicating if something was wrong or if he was excited.

"It's not my favorite shirt," he repeated with almost a defensive edge to his voice.

James gave him a look that clearly read, _yeah, right_ and Logan and Carlos, who got up from the floor to join James's side, exchanged looked as well. Kendall pressed his lips together and stayed silent as he waited for James's final assessment. "You're wearing that jacket that you only wear when you're trying to look nicer. And you're wearing cologne." He stopped and pointed Kendall in the face. "You're getting ready to go on a date."

"I don't have a date," Kendall said with an air of smugness to his voice. He was technically telling the truth, he didn't have a date. _Yet._ He just needed Lucy to say 'yes', first.

"But you're going to have one."

Kendall started to protest, but Logan cut him off. "So, you're finally going to ask Lucy out. What made you decide to do it?"

"I don't know, Logan, I was thinking this time I wouldn't have so many _complications_." Now his words dripped with pointed sarcasm that made James, Carlos, and Logan all wince.

"Okay, so we know we ruined everything for you with Lucy last time," Carlos said, clasping his hands together. "But we'll do better this time. We'll make sure that you get that date with her. Right?" He looked to James and Logan, the latter nodding. James, on the other hand, narrowed his eyes towards his best friend.

Kendall noticed and rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you still have a thing for her," he said. "You can't call 'dibs' on someone, James."

"I know that," James said seriously. Probably the most serious Kendall had ever heard him. "Just…I hope you know what you're doing."

At that, Kendall's eyebrows came together. What was that supposed to mean? He knew exactly what he was doing. He was going to ask a girl out and spend as much time with her as possible in their new…arrangement. He wasn't sure if Lucy even 'did relationships' now that he thought about it. It wasn't something they talked about since their double date with her parents. And they'd talked a lot since then. About his music, her music, guitars, rock gods and goddesses…everything pertaining to music and their lives in LA. She refused to talk much about her time back home and gently mocked him when he talked about his. Still, there was something special about her and when they were together, Kendall couldn't focus on much else.

Almost like when he was chasing after Jo; the biggest difference being his and Jo's interests seemed to be few and far between. Who didn't like hockey anyway? Jo never did and while she did watch him practice once or twice, she never had fun joining in, muttering under her breath how much she hated it.

 _You did sit through a lot of ballet and classical piano recitals,_ Kendall reminded himself, having optioned to compromise on the things Jo disliked. His own barely concealed contempt at the activities was enough to make Jo happy as it was for her to deal with his own interests.

"I know what I'm doing," Kendall insisted. Then his eyes widened in surprise when James' demeanor almost instantly changed and he slapped Kendall hard on the shoulder—was that to punish him for something?—and pushed him towards the door, nearly knocking him over. "Whoa!"

"Then let's get you that date! We'll make sure nothing gets in the way of it this time!"

With that, James grabbed onto Kendall's shoulders and steered him out the door and down to the Palm Woods lobby. Kendall's feet barely kept up with him as he was manhandled to the elevator, complete with Carlos grabbing flowers from a nearby decorated vase to plop into his hands, and Logan shoving people out of their way as they went. Nevertheless, Kendall couldn't help but smile.

His best friends were for him as they always were and would be. That's why they worked so well as friends and as a band. They could do a lot to each other but do as much for each other when the time came to it. It filled him with more confidence than he'd felt in the last couple of days and with a deep breath, Kendall steadied himself, clutching the stems of the roses tighter in hand. They rode the elevator down to the lobby, stepping out as soon as the doors open.

Kendall's gaze swept around the lobby before landing on Lucy. He expected her to be there or at the pool, it was the first place he went to look for her as the days went on, plucking away at the strings of her guitar as she worked hard to come up with a new song. Not this time.

His feet came to a grinding halt seconds before his brain could register what was happening.

He was looking at Lucy. But she wasn't alone. Instead, she was standing in front of a teenage boy—a _good looking_ teenage boy—who had his hands on her shoulders and was smiling down at her with the carefree confidence that James wished he had. Kendall tilted his head in confusion as the watched the two, trying to figure out what their relationship was.

"Maybe he's her brother," Logan suggested, voice trembling with nerves. "Julius acts the same way with the Jacksons." Kendall felt himself cringe. That wasn't the example he'd have preferred Logan use, remembering how much the boys had embarrassed themselves, thinking Riley and Rhuben were going out with the same touchy-feely guy who turned out to be their eldest brother visiting them. "Maybe it's the same thing."

"Do _you_ act like that with your sister?" James asked him.

"I don't have a sister."

"Don't let Katie hear you say that," Kendall murmured, still eyeing the two.

Carlos licked his lips as he folded his arms. "Okay, well, maybe it's her cousin. Kissing cousins are a thing, right?"

That time, James and Logan cringed along with Kendall. Sometimes, Kendall didn't know how Carlos managed to go through life being so naïve all the time. Logan was the one to break it gently to him that they weren't speaking of the same things with a simple, "No, Carlos. No."

Taking in a deep breath to steady himself, Kendall said, "Everybody calm down. We'll just introduce ourselves and get an idea of who this guy is and…how Lucy knows him."

"And if she's dating him," James added.

Kendall nodded and the four went over to the group, Kendall clearing his throat when they came close enough to break Lucy and the guy out of their own world.

"Oh! guys," Lucy said in surprise. She blinked rapidly, looking back and forth from the boy to Kendall before stepping away from the other boy, making his hands drop to his side. "Th-this is Beau. He, uh, he's from Georgia. Like I am." She took a step away from Beau, twisting her fingers together. It was the first time Kendall had seen her so insecure, so vulnerable, so…guilty. "He came to see me. He's uh, my, uh, he's my…ex-boyfriend."

"Oh." Kendall said. He didn't remember her ever mentioning Beau before. Nothing other than having a boyfriend she broke up with before moving to LA. A relationship that had lasted for….oh. This was _that_ Beau.

"Yeah, we dated for three years," Beau said conversationally. His green eyes shifted over the Big Time Rush boys with slight interest before he smiled at Lucy once more. Almost as if he didn't notice the tension around them. Or, if he did, was playing it off nicely.

"Weren't you the one that broke her heart?' Carlos blurted. He flinched as James, Logan, Lucy, and Kendall all turned to glare at him. "Uh, I mean…"

"Yeah, well, I made some mistakes before," Beau said with a small shrug. "And…I was hoping that I could talk to Lucy about them."

"Right." Kendall looked to Lucy whose gaze lowered, noticing the flowers still clutched in his hand. "Oh, yeah, these are… _not_ for you." He quickly threw them over his shoulder, not noticing when it festooned like confetti all over Mr. Bitters, who stood at his desk glaring at them. "They were for my mom but…I forgot…she was allergic."

Lucy's eyebrows came together in confusion before she shook her head. "Beau, can you give me a second?" She asked. Beau nodded casually, and Lucy grabbed Kendall's hand, dragging him to the furthest corner of the lobby that would give them privacy. Once they arrived, Lucy sighed heavily. "Look, Beau caught me totally by surprise, but, we have a long history together. You know?"

"I get it," Kendall said. If his ex-girlfriend from Minnesota came to visit him, he'd struggle with it a bit, too. Especially considering he didn't know if she was still mad at him for not breaking up before he left. And if it were Jo…Kendall shook the thought from his head. "But…you said he cheated on you."

"Yeah, and he just spend the last hour telling me it was the biggest mistake of his life," Lucy said. She lowered her gaze and Kendall could see how completely torn she was over the situation she was suddenly thrust in. Gone was the 'rock goddess' who shredded on the guitar as easily as she talked Carlos and James to help her move into her apartment and in its place, was a real, confused girl.

"Are you…going to get back together?" The words left Kendall's lips before he realized he'd said them. But now that they were out in the open…he waited patiently for Lucy's response.

"Oh, no!" She said quickly. Then her eyebrows scrunched even more, and she said softly, "I don't know. It's complicated…especially with you here…and…" her eyes shifted behind him and Kendall followed her gaze to look at Beau who talked with his friends. Kendall couldn't help but smile a little when he saw them all glaring suspiciously at him. "Beau being here and…I don't know."

Kendall looked down at their intertwined hands, noticing she hadn't let him go since she pulled him over, and lifted his gaze to smile at her. It took a few seconds for her to smile back at him, brown eyes sparkling. "Take the time you need," he said. "To figure things out. Just…come find me when you do, okay? Either way…I'll still be here for you."

"Thanks, Kendall." She squeezed his hand and the two walked back to Beau. She started to open her mouth to say something, but Beau cut her off, holding a hand up in front of her. Lucy waited patiently as he fished through his pockets to produce a velvety box the color of a robin's egg and opened it for her to see a dazzling necklace sitting inside.

Everyone's wyes widened at the ostentatious piece of jewelry.

"This is to show you how much I want my Lucy back," Beau said. He took the necklace out of the box and started to wrap it around Lucy's neck, ignoring her quiet, "I don't know what to say." He brushed her hair from her face and said, "Say it worked."

"I, uh," Lucy stammered. She took a deep breath and stepped away from the group, holding up her hands. "I need some time to think. I'm sorry, I just… I need to go." She turned on her heel and left the lobby.

Beau watched her for a moment before turning to Kendall, looking him up and down. "Well, I guess you're not my competition any longer."

Kendall looked him in the eye and forced a smile as he said, "I guess not." Beau blinked in surprised, looking Kendall up and down as if he couldn't believe the words that came from Kendall's mouth. "Hey, I hope you have a good time out here in LA."

"Uh…" Beau's eyes shifted back and forth. "Thanks." He turned on his heel and left the lobby, casting Kendall a look over his shoulder as he went.

The moment Beau was out of sight, Kendall's smile faded. He looked pensively in the direction that Beau and Lucy had gone. _Okay,_ he told himself. _Now you have to live with your decision. You did the right thing, letting them figure things out on their own._

James, clearly didn't feel the same as he grabbed Kendall's arm and pulled him around to glare at him in stunned surprise. "What did you do that for?" He demanded.

"You're not going to fight for her?" Logan asked.

"It's like one of those stupid moments from the romance movies you pretend not to like," Carlos added. "You have to fight for her, for her _love_." He dramatically grabbed onto Kendall's arm and fell to his knees, starting to fake-sob while Kendall, James, and Logan ignored him.

"Guys, all I'm doing is putting myself in her shoes," Kendall said calmly, despite his knees starting to shake and his insides twisting up. "Her _ex-boyfriend_ came back; don't you think you'd be worried if _your_ exes came back?"

"They don't have any," James pointed out before Carlos and Logan could respond. He pressed his hand to his chest and said, "But if it were me…I could understand. All of my exes—"

"—Ran away screaming?" Carlos cracked, making Logan laugh.

Kendall smiled as he folded his arms. "Look, all I'm saying is if Jo came back…I'd be confused, too. And besides, Lucy's not my girlfriend." He gritted his teeth through the admission. "If she's going to give Beau another shot, then we should, too." He looked at his friends, silently telling them that there were no 'ifs and or buts' about it. As much as he hated to feel like he told them what to do, they looked up to him as their leader and took his lead. After a few seconds, they started to begrudgingly murmur their agreement.

"Guys!" The four boys turned at Camille's cry. She hurried around the corner from the hallway that led to the stairwell and elevators, pigtails flowing behind her as she went. She hurried over to them, coming to a stop as she grabbed Logan's arm to steady herself. "Finally, I found you."

"Hey Camille," Kendall greeted her. He took a look at her outfit, a red and white plaid shirt tied above her navel and a pair of jean shorts with black boots and raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying out to be a part of Old Macdonald's farm?"

Camille lifted her head and stuck out her lower lip in a pout. "No! This was an audition for The Walking Dead!"

"As a ghost farmer?" Carlos asked excitedly.

Camille rolled her eyes before she turned serious once more. "Have you met Lucy's boyfriend, Beau?" She asked, chewing her lower lip, nervously wringing her hands as she waited for their response. She squirmed in her boots, almost as if she had to pee.

Kendall felt himself grit his teeth once more. Didn't everyone at the Palm Woods have something better to talk about? " _Yes_ ," Kendall growled. " _We met her boyfriend, Beau!"_

"He's her ex, actually," James reminded them, holding up his finger as if the point needed to be made. "And I'm so much better looking than him, by the way."

Logan looked at his girlfriend curiously then frowned when he noticed she didn't appear as bubbly and eccentric as usual. "Wait, Camille." He grabbed her arm and looked at her seriously, eyes searching hers for an answer. "What's wrong? Why do you look so upset?"

"Because," Camille started. She trailed off, turning her gaze to the ceiling as if unable to utter the words. Then she took a deep breath and admitted, "Beau hit on me," to the boys' surprise and Carlos's loud gasp. "And he tried to kiss me." At that, Logan and Carlos both gasped, moving their hands to cover their mouths. "I think he's cheating on Lucy."

"Okay," Kendall said after a second of silence. In the split second of hearing Camille's news, he'd made up his mind. "Let's get rid of him."

"What's your plan?" Camille asked.

"You don't need a plan," Logan reminded them. "All you have to do is tell Lucy that Beau hit on you and is cheating on her." He put his arm protectively around Camille's shoulders as he faked a laugh before abruptly cutting it off and saying, "Then I'll kill him."

"You can't tell her," Kendall said. "It's crush her. He cheated on her before and just came to make up with her…knowing he's cheating against…it's break her heart."

"So, what do you expect us to do when she finds out?" Carlos asked quietly.

"Because she's _going_ to find out," James added. "and then she'll be mad at _us_ and won't want to date _me_ even though I 'dibsed' her first."

"You 'dibsed' her?" Camille asked, eyes growing wide with disgust. "Do you even know what 'dibs' means?"

"It comes from the system that farmers used in the identification of their cows for trade," Logan recited. Kendall glared. "Not that that helps at all."

"Anyway, as for a plan, we just need to catch Beau cheating on Lucy," Kendall said as if it were simple.

James gave him a 'duh' look, "How many hot girls do you know at the Palm Woods that would go along with this stupid plan?" He asked.

Kendall thought for a moment, the answer coming to him in less than a second. He'd always known. "Just one," he said, slowly starting to smile.

* * *

Riley reached above Sydney's head to push on the door that led the way from the office to the street. Sydney gave her a funny look as he walked in front of her. "You know I can get it myself, yeah?" He asked, dimples carving into his cheeks as he smiled at her.

"Sorry, Little Man, I keep forgetting you don't need so much help anymore," Riley apologized. She turned to him, her gaze slightly flickering above his head as she took him in. "Especially considering you're getting so much taller."

Sydney folded his arms. "You're just mad, because you and Rhu-Rhu are going to be the shortest ones in the family, soon."

"What gave it away?" Riley grinned at him, making his smile widen. She folded her arms, regarding her baby brother curiously. "How was your session? It lasted a little longer than usual."

"That's because Dr. Angelo has absolutely no idea what he's doing when he's playing chess," Sydney said so matter-of-fact it made Riley burst out laughing. "We kept getting into a lot of stalemates even though I'd tell him the best moves to make to win. Or the moves that would make me win quicker."

"Has anyone ever told you 'winning isn't everything'?"

"He said the same thing. I know the lesson in that, but he apparently has never met people as competitive as us before. I told him about the Candy Land incident and he said he didn't believe it."

"I reckon he hasn't seen Noah's scar."

"Or the slight twitch in Patrick's eye." Sydney's gaze shifted and his eyes lit up as he lifted his chin in a greeting nod. "Hey, Kendall. How ya going?" Riley turned, her eyebrows lifting when she saw Kendall walking their way. She didn't remember making any plans to hang out with him that day.

 _Not that they wouldn't have been bloody cancelled anyway,_ Riley thought bitterly. There were only so many times she'd allow herself to be taken advantage of until enough was enough. Still, she regarded Kendall with a head tilt as she asked, "How'd you know we were here?"

"It's Thursday," Kendall said as if it were obvious. "You come to therapy sessions every Thursday." He then started to ramble. "I knew you weren't at Rocque Records because Gustavo would've demanded we go in to get some work done and he was emphatic about keeping us away from there."

"Griffin visiting?" Riley guessed.

"Yep."

"Gotcha."

"And I knew you weren't at the beach because there was nothing in the surf report for around here. I called Pat and he said there was no surf anywhere along the coast, so you wouldn't have chased it. And I knew you weren't working at the restaurant because you and Rhu are both scheduled off today." Kendall shrugged. "And, like I said, it's Thursday."

Riley made a face and leaned over to Sydney to pretend whisper, "You know how I've always said that Dak was a stalker?" Sydney laughed at her joke. "Speak of the devil," she added, seeing an extravagant car pull up to the curb. The horn honked loudly before Lizzie Zevon leaned out, waving her hand wildly with Katie in the passenger seat and Patrick and Noah sitting in the back, all looking partially embarrassed and scared. "Yoo-hoo! Over here!"

"I have to go or I'll be late for practice," Sydney said. He gave a quick wave to Kendall as he trotted towards the curb. "Bye Kendall, see you later, Ri-Ri."

Riley waved back and made a hand motion to tell Lizzie 'thanks' which she returned with an enthusiastic blast of the car horn before peeling back out into traffic. "You know, when Lizzie started driving I was always afraid she or Katie would end up hurt," Kendall mused. "But lately, I've been afraid Katie would come back to the Palm Woods with a new car I could only dream to have."

"Like the Big Time Rush mobile?" Riley teased.

"That was a gift," Kendall said quickly. "And it's a cool car."

"Now if only you had another one, Hockey-Head."

"Well, they always say 'two is better than one'."

"Huh, that's funny. Rhu and I hear that all the time. Usually, I feel it's a complement, but after hearing that, now I'm not too sure." She ran a hand through her hair. "Thanks for that, boofhead." Kendall smiled a little. "Actually, I'm glad you're here. There's something I wanted to talk to you about." She took a breath, steadying herself for her forthcoming confession.

She'd wanted to say it since the night at Chez Fancee. Wanted to stop him before he logged off and have the conversation then. They were best friends for fucks sake, even if things didn't turn out the way she hoped, they'd still be friends. She knew it deep in her heart. It was important. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. She saw the way he was looking at Lucy while they sang to each other. He was happy with her.

And if he was happy…

Riley looked at Kendall closely, noticing his shoulders rounded forward, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "What is it?" He looked at her curiously. "What's wrong? Something's bothering you." She started to walk down the street with Kendall falling in step with her.

"It has to do with Lucy," Kendall started.

Riley felt the sudden urge to turn around without another word and walk away. To get on the bus that was coming in exactly five minutes and take her to the parking lot where her car was. To stop talking to him and faze him out, like she told herself she would, being as professional as possible of course. An irritated scowl came to her face, of which Kendall didn't notice as he continued to explain everything that had gone on at the Palm Woods before going to see her.

A moment of silence hung between them—where Riley was mentally going through her grocery list—that she realized Kendall had stopped talking and was waiting for her response. Lifting her chin, Riley kept her gaze straight ahead as she recapped, "Okay, so Beau is Lucy's ex-boyfriend and he drove all the way here from Georgia to LA to get back together with her. But he isn't getting back together with her because she's together with you?"

"We're not together," Kendall said quickly.

Riley quirked an eyebrow upwards, focusing on the crowd in front of her. "Really?"

"Well, I mean, uh," Kendall stumbled over his words, trying to explain himself. "Not really, I guess, I don't…I mean, because we,"—that made Riley look at him, surprised to find him looking earnestly back at her—"I mean, because, you and I…" He licked his lips and turned away.

Riley took another breath and started to say, "Look, Kendall, I _really_ need to talk to you about something—"

"—And I know it's not really any of my business, but I just want to be sure she's okay," Kendall continued.

Riley stopped walking, staring straight ahead.

 _"I just want to be sure you're okay."_

" _I wanted to make you feel better."_

Kendall came to a stop a few steps later and turned back to her.

"Riles?" He walked back to her side and waved a hand in front of her face as she looked to be in a trance. "Riles? Hey, are you okay?"

"What?" Riley blinked and looked away from the crowd gathered on the corner in front of her. She sucked in a sharp breath, hunching up her shoulders before plastering a easygoing smile to her face. "Yeah. I'm fine. Uh, about this Beau guy."

"Yeah," Kendall said. "What do you think?"

Riley lifted an eyebrow. "I reckon he's a boofhead to drive across the bloody country instead of flying. The bloke would've been out a couple of hundred bucks but at least he wouldn't have to drive _back_ , yeah?"

Kendall made a face. "You're not helping."

"Does 'I hope he bites it' help?"

"You're not funny."

Riley merely smiled back at him before frowning, bringing up her hand to scratch at her forehead, hiding the exasperation coming to her face. She really wanted to go home. "Yeah, I reckon that was a little aggro. But what do you want me to do about it, Hockey-Head?"

"Well, I don't know if I should tell her," Kendall said slowly. "About Beau's hitting on Camille. About his cheating on her. He's done it before so it's not so hard to think he'd do it again. How do you tell someone their boyfriend is cheating on them?"

"Easy. 'Your boyfriend is fucking cheating on you'," Riley said flatly, voice void of any warmth or humor. "Put 'fuck' wherever you want in that sentence and it'll still get the point across. Are we done? I have a lot of work I need to do." She glanced at Kendall's face and sighed knowing it was far from done. "What do you want me to do?" she asked with resignation.

He looked surprised. "You're going to help Lucy?"

"What do you think?"

"That you didn't like her?"

"Who said I didn't like her?'

"You did."

"I said I don't _know_ her, boofhead?" Riley quickly corrected him. "There's a bloody difference. I don't hate people I don't know." She paused. "Other than Mel Gibson. And Justin Bieber. And the Kardashians. And a lot of other people in the entertainment industry." She waved a hand. "But let's not commit to that subject right now, yeah?"

"Thanks," Kendall said with a grin. It was the first time she saw him really smile since he first arrived. Riley hated that she noticed that. "Well, this is what I was thinking…"

A bus ride, a drive down the busy parkway, and forty minutes later, Riley was walking down the hallway from 2J, looking to see if she'd run into Beau. Cursing to herself the entire way. _I should've listened to them,_ Riley thought, thinking of the phone call she'd had with her siblings, explaining what was going on. They all said she was crazy to wanting to help but also had to admit they could understand why she wanted to help him.

Riley had made up her mind to leave the Palm Woods and just go back home when she heard footsteps coming her way. She knew it was Beau without him even having to say his name. He looked like a Beau and walked like a Beau. With a confident swagger of someone who hadn't heard the word 'no' very often. She'd dated someone like that before and certainly didn't have the patience for it now.

 _How the fuck did he talk me into this?_ Riley thought as Beau approached her with a charming smile.

"There you are, Lucy, I've been looing for you," he said. Then his gaze shifted to her neck and his smile faltered a little. "Where's the necklace I gave you?"

"Oh, I put it away," Riley said, effortlessly switching to her American accent. It always made people react with stunned surprise when she and her siblings were prompted, in interviews and passing conversations, to say words with an American accent, how easy it was, and how real it sounded. It came in handy with acting ventures and was a good way to be marketable in America, Robert made sure of that. "I didn't want to damage it or make it dirty or anything."

"Well, that's fine," Beau said. "But the only thing I need to know is whether or not you want to come back to Georgia with me." Abruptly, brought up his hand to rest on her cheek and Riley flinched away. "And away from all of the losers here."

"My friends aren't losers," Riley said sharply.

"Really?" Beau snorted. "That James guy needs to look at a book instead of in the mirror. Carlos is just…Carlos." Riley would've said the same when describing her friend, but with more affection in her words. "Logan's a know-nothing know-it all and…well, Camille's hot. But that's really all there is to her."

Riley's eyes narrowed.

"And everyone else is forgettable." Beau rolled his eyes. "And, of course, that Kendall guy. I don't know what's so great about him, honestly. He just keeps getting in the way. But let's stop talking about that." The moment his voice dropped at the end, Riley knew he was going to try to kiss her.

Just as she thought, Beau lowered his head and moved his face closer to hers, bringing his hand up to cup her chin. The moment Beau's hand landed on Riley's chin she pushed it away, brought her fist back and punched him in the stomach. Beau doubled over, in desperation to catch his breath and Riley clasped her hands to both sides of his head, forcing him to look at her.

"Touch me again, and die," She growled before dropping him. Riley folded her arms and lifted her gaze towards Kendall, eyes stormy. "Is that all you needed?"

"That's perfect, Riles, thanks," Kendall said with a grateful smile of which he didn't notice she didn't return.

Beau chuckled to himself, rubbing his hand over his stomach as Kendall approached from down the hallway. "So, what's all this?" He asked. "Do you really think she's going to believe the words you say? To get her to break up with me? To get her to tell me to leave?"

"No, I think she'd be really hurt if I told her," Kendall said honestly. "And maybe even think I was jealous." He pointed over his shoulder where James, Carlos, Logan, Camille, and Stephanie came out of their hiding places. "But I think she'd believe all of us when we I say we have witnesses. I'm just trying to protect her and it's hard not to believe video evidence."

Stephanie grinned as she stepped forward, video camera in hand. "Say 'hi' to the camera," she teased, wiggling it back and forth. Beau scowled and stepped towards her, ready to knock the camera to the ground, but Carlos moved in front of his girlfriend and glared back at Beau, who stepped back.

"She's not going to believe you," Beau said with a haughty smile.

"Actually, I do," Lucy announced her presence, coming around the corner of the hallway. Her arms were folded tightly over her chest, eyes narrowed into a glare at Beau. "Because I heard everything. I was going to say you should stay in LA for a while, but how about you go away instead?"

"Oh, come on, they set me up." Beau gestured towards Riley. "This girl looks exactly like you." He tried to plead to Lucy, whose eyebrows rose in offense. Riley couldn't help but smirk, glad to see she was as annoyed of the comparison as she was. Sensing his mistake, Beau lowered his hand and pleaded to Lucy, "I…I drove out here to be with you. I don't even have any money to get home."

"Then use this." Lucy grabbed he necklace from around her neck and threw it back to Beau. Beau scowled at the group, knowing he'd lost. "Whatever," he said. "You guys are all crazy anyway." He turned on his heel and stormed away from the group.

"Well, he's right about one thing," Lucy said with a low chuckle. "You guys are nuts. And…" She looked towards Kendall with a smile. "amazing," she added quietly. Kendall smiled back. "So, uh…" She took a few steps back towards he elevator. "Are you guys up for…something?"

"Yeah," Kendall said quickly. "Something, anything, uh, yeah. That sounds cool." He turned back to his friends, who suddenly appeared uncomfortable. "Do any of you guys want to come?" Silence was the only response he got. "Okay, then we'll see you later." He stepped into the elevator with Lucy, the two sneaking glances and smiles at each other as the elevator doors closed.

Riley took a deep breath through her nose once the doors closed, bringing all eyes her way. "Don't look at me like that," she said without looking at her friends. "I have to go." She started to walk away.

"Hey." Riley turned back to find James looking at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry."

Riley smiled a small smile. "So'm I, Handsome." Riley stuck her hands into the back pockets of her jeans, leaning her weight onto one leg, jutting out her hip. "Hey, I've got a lot of stuff to do so I need to get back. But let me know if there's anything you need."

"Same here," James said. He reached out and gave her a hug, which she gratefully took and hugged him back. "I mean it."

"I know. I see you later, yeah?" Riley disengaged from the hug.

"Why'd you do it?" James asked.

Riley was silent for a moment then looked him in the eye, "Because he asked," she said simply and went to the stairwell, taking the steps down two at a time to the ground floor. The second she pushed open the door, she let out a curse and pulled it back, nearly smacking the blonde teen that had suddenly appeared in the face. "Oh! Bollocks, I'm sorry!"

"Riles!" Jo Taylor grinned at her friend, dark brown eyes lighting up.

"Jo!" Riley replied, surprised to find her voice holding as much enthusiasm to see her friend. At the same time the two threw their arms around each other, rocking back and forth in excitement. "Wow, I can't believe…what are you doing here?"

"I'm back for good," Jo replied. She hooked her purse up her shoulder and smiled at her friend. "I tried calling…didn't you get any of my messages?" Riley grimaced, thinking of all the calls from her she'd been ignoring the past few weeks. "I guess international calling is a little more difficult than I thought," she added kindly.

"I guess so," Riley agreed. She ran a hand through her hair and briefly closed her eyes before saying, "You're back for good?"

Jo rolled her eyes. "It's a long story," she said. "A lot having to do with budget, test audiences, and a protest. It…it all got to be really messy." She took in a deep breath and looked around the Palm Woods. "But it's so good to be back. I didn't think I'd miss things around here so much."

"Absence makes the heart grown fonder," Riley replied with a knowing smile. "Why do you think we're always so excited to go back home when we get the chance? I don't know if you've noticed, but LA beaches are nothing compared to Sydney beaches, yeah?"

"I didn't get up to 'the main land' a lot," Jo said, making Riley laugh at the colloquialism Jo had picked up from her time abroad. "I was working on all of the movies. But I do get it. Some places LA movies and shows can never replace, just as some places can never replace LA." She smiled warmly. "Or the people."

Riley smiled back, her eyes flashing. "You've got that right. Honestly, I don't know if you can handle how crazy things have been while you were gone."

"Then I'll have a good time catching up. Us girls should get together once I get settled in again."

"Wouldn't your dad mind the sound?"

"My dad didn't come with me," Jo said to Riley's surprise. Her CIA father seemed to be wherever Jo was. Last she remembered, he was strict enough to forbid Jo from going to the prom for missing a curfew. Would the same man really give her so much leeway to moving back to the Palm Woods? "Now that I'm 18 he says I'm mature enough to live on my own."

"Meaning you have to call in every few days, right?"

"Right."

"The bloke's going to go crazy without you, Jo. My advice? Let him sometimes, it'll make him feel better."

"And about you guys with Ronan?'

"He's crazy _with_ us around. I think the final nail in the coffin would be the silence." Jo laughed along with Riley at her joke. The dinging of the elevator—muffled enough to indicate it stopping one floor above them—caught Riley's attention and her stomach clenched. "Hey, I've got to go. But we'll catch up later, okay?"

"Okay."

"Does anyone else know you're here?"

"No, it's a surprise. I was hoping to get back here without anyone seeing me and surprising you all later."

 _And what a surprise it is,_ Riley thought. "Well, I'm sorry to have ruined it for you." She tried to make her voice sound lighthearted and joking but couldn't muster it so far. If Jo noticed, she didn't say anything. Instead, she wrapped her arms around Riley in a departing hug, which Riley quickly returned.

The elevator dinged.

The sounds of the door opening grabbed both of their attention.

Riley stared at Kendall and Lucy.

Kissing.

Riley moved her hand to her stomach, feeling as if she'd suddenly gotten punched. She looked around to make sure no one was beating feet away from her having succeeded in sucker punching her. No. She hadn't been hurt at all. That was a lie.

She was hurting.

Riley looked at Jo, who gaped at Kendall and Lucy for a second. Then she blinked rapidly and, finding her voice, managed to squeak out, "Kendall?"

The second his name was called, Kendall's head whipped towards Jo's. His eyes landed on her, the expression on his face traveling from content to confusion to embarrassment to horror all within a few seconds. His jaw dropped as he stared at his ex-girlfriend, who gaped back at him with an identical expression.

"Jo?" Silence stretched between them, all the while Kendall and Jo stared at each other. Then Jo's gaze slid to Lucy and Kendall's did the same. "Uh?"

And suddenly, Riley realized that no one was looking at her. It was as if she wasn't even there. Just the way she'd felt for a long while before her life got better. A feeling she hadn't felt since meeting Kendall and the others. A feeling she'd never hoped to feel again.

But there it was, staring her in the face. She was invisible, and no one noticed her. The realization struck her hard enough that she didn't notice the tear dripping down her cheek until it reached her chin, tickling her as it grew bulbous before dropping to the carpet.

Once more, Riley looked from Jo, to the stunned faces of Kendall and Lucy, then dropped he gaze to the floor. Where she belonged. Robert was right.

Riley took a step back, turned on her heel and ran.

* * *

 **A/N:** As you can see, some of the things the show had for these episodes are teh same, but written in a more realistic sense rather than the children's show lens that we had before. I hope you guys enjoyed it.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riles**


	11. I Know You're Scared It's Wrong

**.:Chapter Ten:.**

* * *

Nothing.

All that time trying to forge a friendship with Lucy, to get her to see him as something more than a boybander or 'the sane one with the crazy friends'. All that time getting to know her as a person, being her friend, helping her fool her parents, and all of the other things that made him think they were growing closer. All the feelings he felt for her and the time he was able to finally, ask her out, to finally kiss her….

And he felt nothing.

Kendall gently grasped Lucy's shoulders, his fingers pressing into her warm skin, thumbs gently sliding over her silky hair, taking in the spicy scent of the perfume she preferred. Her lips moved eagerly over his, a happy sigh escaping her when they parted before diving in once more. He could feel her excitement, happiness that things were finally happening between them.

And he. Felt. Nothing.

 _Why_ did he feel nothing? Lucy was amazing and mysterious and tricky and fun and—

"Kendall?"

The second he heard his name called, Kendall felt his blood run cold. Turn to ice in his veins that crackled as it moved through his body. He froze and flinched simultaneously, an otherwise humorous sight combined with the wide-eyed stare and gaping mouth that turned toward his ex-girlfriend. Jo stared back at him with eyes just as wide, lips slightly parted.

"Uh…" A sound trailed from Jo's lips before she closed it, eyebrows coming together at the same time. Her hand tightened around the handle of the suitcase that sat next to her; knuckles turning white, fingers shaking.

And Kendall continued to gape at her. A million thoughts raced through his head, sprinted, yet none of them pulled head as a clear winner. Jo was back in LA. Why was she back in LA? Why was she here? Did she try to contact him? Should he have contacted her? Had something happened? Was something wrong? Did she see him and Lucy? Of course she did, she wouldn't be standing there like that if she hadn't seen him. Them. Lucy was there, too. She saw him kissing Lucy. Lucy knew Jo was his ex. And now here she was.

And…

And…

"J-Jo?" Kendall finally managed to squeak out. How articulate. He stared at her as she stared back at him. Then her eyes shifted towards Lucy, causing Kendall to do the same. Lucy stared back at him, one of her softest expressions; vulnerability and confusion. "Uh?" Finally, he found his voice. "You're supposed to be in New Zealand, filming a movie!" He cringed, hearing the panic-laced words come from his mouth. "Three, actually."

"It's a long story," Jo said with a frown and a disappointed sigh. She dropped her gaze to her feet. "The studio tested the first film and the test audiences hated it," She said. "Then there was some sort of a riot from fans that were disappointed with the way the movie turned out compared to the book. The writers went on a strike and there was some sort of a fire…?" She shook he head. "The studio cancelled the sequels, so I came back here."

Silence. They continued to stare. Kendall wasn't sure if he was even blinking by that point. He was in such a state of shock. Lucy decided to take matters in her own hands and stepped towards Jo, throwing out her hand with gust. "Jo, hi!" Jo blinked out of her stare and turned to Lucy with question in her eyes. "I'm Lucy, I've heard so much about you," Lucy said.

"Hi," Jo replied slowly. She shook Lucy's hand, hers a little limp against Lucy's strong grasp. She wasn't about to say she heard nothing about Lucy because…well…because it'd make Kendall look like a jerk. "So." She swallowed hard. "Are you guys dating now…? Or…?"

"Oh!" Lucy's eyebrows rose. "Well, uh, I guess…uh…" she scratched at the back of her neck before pressing her fingers together. "Kendall?"

Jo and Lucy both turned to Kendall, who gaped at them. His hands hung loosely at his sides, jaw hanging just as much. He knew he looked ridiculous. Felt it, really. Was aware that he needed to move, needed to say something, needed to explain. But the words wouldn't come. He could come up with songs on the spot, had a talent with getting emotions out in his work. But he couldn't find the words to say to fix everything.

For once, he didn't have the answer.

 _Bing!_

His hand moved on its own. Kendall slapped his fingers against the button that would take the elevator back up to his floor. Shame filtered through him, making him close his eyes when the doors closed. Closed on the confused and pissed off expressions of his ex-girlfriend and his current…something.

Sighing, Kendall placed his hands over his face, leaning back against the wall of the elevator behind him. It was the only thing holding him up. A few hours. How had everything in his life managed to go from bad to great to okay and back to bad in only a few hours? Did he do something in another life that he was getting cosmic karma for?

Once the elevator doors dinged open, Kendall ran back into the crib, slamming the door shut behind him. He pressed his back against it, chest heaving as he tried to figure out what to do. It didn't help that as soon as he entered the apartment, James turned his way, from where he was 'just casually' sitting at the nearby counter, looking at his phone.

James didn't look up or even try to disguise the envy in his voice as he asked, "So, did you get that date with Lucy?"

Instead of replying, Kendall raced into his room and ducked into the closet. How funny, the first place he went to hide was the same place he went when he was a child. There had been many times he'd heard his parents' fighting late at night and he'd crawl into the closet to put an extra barrier between himself and the low rumblings. He'd read comics and books by flashlight while waiting for it to stop. Spent man a time when he was bummed and didn't want to talk about what was bothering him in there. It was always a safe space for him.

Now it was a place of comfort, a fortress from the confusion and hurt that followed him.

"Kendall?"

Kendall heard Logan's voice coming from the direction of his desk. How had he not noticed Logan sitting there in his mad dash for sanctuary? "I'm not here," Kendall called back desperately.

"The who am I talking to?" Logan replied. Kendall could hear him coming closer to the closet and willed him to go away. It wasn't until there was a knock at the door of the crib that Logan paused. From the crack in the door, Kendall could see Logan crane his neck to peer out into the main area of the crib. "James who is it?"

Kendall knew exactly who it'd be and squeezed his eyes shut.

He was prepared when he heard the door open and James's startled cry of, "Jo?!" that caused Logan's head to whip around before he went to see for himself. Once Logan was gone, Kendall pushed the door open wider to hear what was being said.

"Jo!" He could hear Carlos's excited cry and imagined him grabbing her in a bear-hug, while Logan replied quieter, "Jo?"

"Hey guys," Jo greeted, her voice strained by Carlos's hug. "I'm, back. But, I guess you can see that." There was a pause and a small shuffle sound. Carlos must've put her down. Kendall strained harder to hear. "I'm, uh, looking for Kendall."

"He's not here," Logan said quickly.

"Haven't seen him," Carlos said. At least _he_ was telling the truth.

"I don't know where he is," James added.

"Oh, okay." Even from where he hid, Kendall could hear the disappointment in Jo's voice. He lowered his forehead to his knees. "Well if you see him, telling him I'm looking for him. And that I need to talk to him about something. Okay?"

The boys promised they would before closing the door on her. Kendall knew his friends were coming closer to him and didn't have to look up when he heard the door quietly slide open over the carpet. He took in a deep breath, let it out, and mumbled, "I've got problems."

"Yeah, Kendall, I think we can see that," Logan said. Kendall looked up at him and felt his heart drop when he saw Logan tilt his head to the side. It was the universal 'we need to talk' looks. He noticed, suspiciously, that it was very similar to his mother's look. "What happened?"

"I—"

Kendall didn't get the chance to respond when there was another knock on the door. His heart sank even further. He knew who _that_ was, too. And it took only a few moments for Logan to answer the door, converse with the person on the other side, then come back to report it was Lucy who had been at the door. "She says she needs to talk to you," he reported.

"I know," Kendall groaned.

"What happened?" Logan repeated.

And Kendall explained everything that happened after he had left his friends. They all listened with rapt attention as he spoke, explain why Jo was back, what happened with him and Lucy and how he had run. Now that he had caught his breath, Kendall realized the pain throbbing in his calf muscles. He must've pulled a muscle from running so fast.

"You know, you can't run from your problems," Logan said calmly.

"Yes, I can," Kendall insisted. He ran his hands through his hair, brushing his bangs off his forehead. "I'm so confused. I just need some time to think."

"What _I'm_ confused about is how none of them want to date me," James interrupted. He jumped when all eyes turned to him in a glare. He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a little bit." He cleared his throat and said, "Besides, there's one thing that you forgot about."

"What?" Kendall asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Have I dated a Jennifer and completely forgotten about it? Oh, what about Miss. Collins? She's been looking real good lately."

"No," James said flatly. Then he exchanged smiles with Carlos and Logan who clearly agreed with him as he said, "Though you're not joking about Miss. Collins." He rapidly raised and lowered his eyebrows then his face became serious once more. "No, man. I mean, does Jo even want to get back together with you?"

"And more importantly, do you want to get back together with Jo?" Carlos added. His voice went soft. "You and Jo have been apart for a long time. And…you've been moving on with Lucy. Or, I thought you were."

Kendall twisted his mouth to the side. "I haven't thought about it," he said honestly. "I really didn't _want_ to think if I still had feelings for her." He thought for a moment, of how he felt while she'd been gone. Awkward, mostly. Not sure if she should contact her 'just to say hi'. Or to say anything if they were tagged in the same scutbut on scuttlebutter. No, he didn't _think_ he still had feelings for her. Friendly feelings, maybe. Caring feelings, yes. But romantic ones…?

"Well?" James asked after a moment.

Looking each of his friends in the eye, Kendall did his best not to become frustrated. The best friends he'd ever had. The ones who stuck with him through thick and thin and seen him at his worst and his best, supporting him through everything he'd been through. They were there when his father left, there when he had to take on a job at thirteen, so his family didn't become too poor and lose the house. There when he had surgery on his knee from damaging it in a hockey game. There for him when Beau showed his true colors of how much of a jerk he could be.

Just as he was for them.

Now, he didn't know what to say to them. Their opinions were as important to him as anything. He didn't want to let them down.

"Guys, I really appreciate this," he said. "But I don't want to talk about it right now." His mind was swirling with too many worries. Thoughts of god outcomes that turned into nightmares where he ended up alone and with no friends in the end. Where he hurt too many people. That was the last thing he wanted to do, to hurt someone. And yet it seemed that he had no choice but to come up with _something._

Jo and Lucy both wanted to talk to him and he wanted…for everything to go away.

"We understand," Carlos said. He gave Kendall a sympathetic look that only he could muster; one that made him equally feel terrific and terrible. James, Logan, and Carlos left Kendall alone in the room allowing him the grace to grasp the door to the closet and close it once more.

Once he heard the door to the bedroom close as well, Kendall clenched his hands into fists. Dug his fingers into his palms, trying to hurt himself as hard as he could. Maybe, he'd be able to atone for the pain Jo felt when seeing them. He saw it in her eyes. The pain Lucy felt when he closed the door on them. He saw it in _her_ eyes.

There was only one person he wanted to talk to, who would understand and give him some help.

Kendall pulled out his cell phone and used his thumbs to start a text.

* * *

 _I look up to the sky and now the world is mine. I've known it all my life, I made it, I made it! I used to dream about, the life I'm living now. I know that there's no doubt, I made it, I made it!_

Riley danced alongside her siblings, working hard to make sure her movements were in sync with each sharp hit they were to make. Arms and legs hitting hard as if they struck a brick wall, throwing herself to the ground in a low sweeping move before popping back up once more. She studied her reflection in the mirror, not to watch to make sure her movements were right—no, she and her siblings were always so in sync with each other she didn't have to think about it—but to study her own face.

She could see the unhappy glimmer in her eye and knew the others could see it too. Working on choreography whether it was for a show or for their own enjoyment, their number one priority was to have fun when they were doing it.

 _"If you're having fun, the audience is having fun,"_ was one of their own mantras they used. Something they reminded Big Time Rush about whenever they were working hard but not seeing the results. " _Just remember to have fun."_

With a frustrated sigh, barely audible under the thumping and throbbing music that poured through the room, Riley warned herself to focus. She threw herself to her knees—a transition they used through a lot of their shows; falling to the knees to slide forward a few feet before flipping onto their hands and propel themselves forward in a series of forward hand springs to get to their position on the other side of the stage.

This time she stumbled and had to throw herself to the side in a cartwheel, not only to navigate herself away from colliding with Noah, but also to get herself back to her feet to complete the handsprings. She moved back to her space on the line and continued through the movements until the song ended.

Then, gasping for breath, she grabbed her nearby towel and draped it over her head before joining her siblings on the ground as Patrick led them in a round of stretching. She'd hoped no one would ask about what was going on but knew it wasn't to be. Not just because they were family, but also because they were a band, co-workers with each other. And Ronan, who had recently moved into a managerial position with them along with his role as their music producer was not about to let anything slide.

"Great job with the choreography today, Rhu," he said, making her nod her thanks. She sat up straight, brushing her hair back from her face and listened with rapt attention as he continued with, "The increase in difficulty was seen. I think once it's perfected it'll go over well."

"Ace," she replied, running a hand through her hair. "I was hoping we could perform it at our show at the fair," she explained. "It's more of a relaxed atmosphere, I reckon we don't need to worry so much about the more emotive songs we have."

"Let alone having to drag all of our instruments to the stage," Patrick agreed. He smiled his lopsided smile and said, "I don't fancy being electrocuted again, yeah?"

"That was on a photoshoot," Noah corrected him. He scratched the back of his neck. "For AMP, I think. With the light that fell into the tub?" He smiled as his siblings all started to laugh at the memory. It had been a strange photoshoot if they were being honest. What did taking pictures with your feet in a filled bathtub have anything to do with the song they were releasing?

Absolutely nothing.

But it was fun. All until a small light that had been mounted to the shower rod fell into the water. It had given them a small jolt, the same tingling you'd receive if you kept your fingers too close to the pronged end of a plug when putting it in or pulling it out of a socket. Pins and needles. But it had been enough to make them scream in surprise before flailing out of the tub, laughing hysterically.

It was that resulting shot that had ended up in the magazine and in online publications. One of their favorites, really. Sort of scary when they thought of it now, but still funny.

Riley's smile faded after a second and Ronan noticed. He folded his arms and looked at her curiously, "You didn't keep up with your usual enthusiasm today, Riles," he pointed out.

"I know," she said honestly. "I have a lot on my mind." Like the image of her best friend kissing someone else. The image of one of her best girlfriends upset that he was kissing someone else. Too many things to think about, really. Her mind was already a funnel cloud of insecurities, home responsibilities, work responsibilities, and everything in-between. The last thing she needed to worry about was any sort of girl drama.

"Care to share?"

Sydney, who was unusually quiet the entire practice since Riley had arrived from returning from the Palm Woods, leaned towards her and asked, "Does it have anything to do with Kendall?" Riley gave him a critical look and he shrugged saying, "Just a guess, sis. Lately it seems like you're about to chuck a spaz."

"Well, he _did_ sing a song he wrote for her to another girl," Noah murmured. He bobbed his head back and forth. "I'd be pretty pissed about that, too, yeah?" Patrick nodded in agreement while Rhuben leveled her gaze at her twin.

Riley twisted her mouth to the side and brought her hand up to scratch her forehead. She'd never try to keep it from her siblings—they'd noticed the way she frantically wiped at her eyes when she left the locker room and met them in the dance studio. But she didn't want to talk about it so soon, not when she could feel tears starting to come to her eyes once more.

"Ah, well, you guys would figure this out soon anyway," she mumbled. With a humorless laugh, she brought up a hand to scratch her forehead, using the movement to wipe away the budding, stinging tears that stuck to her eyelashes. "Uh, I saw Kendall kissing Lucy." At the same time, Rhuben Patrick, Noah, and Sydney all sucked in a sharp breath at the same time, making Riley truly laugh that time. Ronan, on the other hand, continued to watch her quietly. "Of course, which is after I fucking helped him get rid of her ex-boyfriend. Cheers."

"That Beau guy?" Rhuben asked, wrinkling her nose. "'Mille and Steph told me about him. Sounds like a real piece of work."

"And you're pissed off because?" Ronan pressed.

Riley shot him an annoyed look. "Because Kendall's pissing me off, beyond usual. The one time I'm trying to really tell him something and he can't pay attention for more than five seconds." She shook her head. "I'm bloody tired of him treating me like all I'm good for is to help him out of his stupid girl drama."

Ronan let out a heavy sigh, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans before shifting into his natural stance; holding his hands clasped together behind him. A military resting stance, despite having never served. "I hate to break it ya, "Well, I hate to break it to ya, Ripcurl, but you put yourself in that position." He thought for a moment. "Why did you go to help him today?"

"Because he asked," Riley said flatly.

"If I asked you to jump off a cliff would you do it?" Patrick asked.

Riley smiled at him. "Only because I'd take you with me," she said.

"Good, it'd keep us from having to hear his dumb comments all the time, loser," Rhuben teased, reaching over to ruffle his hair.

He batted her hands away. "Thanks, jerk face, now they know who to look for first if I ever die suddenly."

Riley laughed.

"But _why_ did you do it?" Ronna pressed, grabbing his eldest daughter's attention once more. "You said he asked for your help. I'm sure he told you what the situation was."

Riley pursed her lips, trying not to pout. She crossed her arms, resting them on her upraised knees. How did this turn into a pseudo-counseling session? "If he wanted to be with Lucy, then…as long as he's happy, yeah?" She shrugged, suddenly very uncomfortable.

Ronan nodded. "You helped him through his break up with Jo, because you wanted him to be happy, you helped him get with Lucy because you wanted him to be happy. You want him to be happy, I get it. But I don't get why at the risk of your own happiness."

That made Riley angry. "Just because _you_ think you're perfect for someone does not mean you deserve them, Ronan," she pointed out. "I hate to break it to you, but life doesn't work that way, yeah?" That doesn't mean the person they _are_ with is evil or bad for them. And if they are, it's none of your business because it's their feelings for each other that matter. If you try to do something about it then you're a real shitty person." She lifted her finger and pressed it to her temple. "And yes, I just unraveled everything that Taylor Swift has taught young girls for the last five years. You're welcome." She made the motion of shooting herself in the head, making her siblings and even Ronan laugh.

Nevertheless, he reached over and placed his hand on her head, gently ruffling her hair. "But you never told him how you felt about him. Never told him that his feeling for Lucy was bothering you. Never told him that his singing that song bothered you. If you never told him, he'd never know it."

That certainly was true. How many times had she had tried to let him know she was interested? Enough that he hadn't noticed. Yes, she had a way of saying things that held double meanings, but there were many times she'd been straight forward with it and he still hadn't gotten it. Or maybe she hadn't been direct enough.

"So I'm wrong to be pissed?" Riley demanded.

"No, he's not treating you fairly," Ronan agreed with her. "I just think that you shouldn't put all of the blame on Kendall when, to be completely honest, part of it should be on you too. You realized that you liked him over the summer and you never told him, so…"

"I know." Now Riley finally pouted, unable to stave off her sadness any longer. She could feel it pulling at her gut. "Why do you think I'm so mad?" Rhuben started to say something and Riley quickly shut her up with a glare that said 'Don't even.'. Rhuben raised her eyebrows in response, 'you don't know what I was going to say'. Riley lowered hers to say, 'yes I do'. And teh girls smiled at each other.

Thinking for a moment, mulling over the options they had Rhuben then asked, "The usual?"

In that moment, Riley felt nothing but overwhelming love and support for and from her sister who knew just the right thing to say at the exact right time. She didn't feel like dwelling or talking about it anymore, knowing it would upset her enough to start crying. She didn't want to cry. Didn't want to be so vulnerable. Hated she allowed it to bottle up so much, but it was true to form. There were many things she could say as soon as the thought came to mind; coming out in a blunt attack. But others she didn't allow herself to say, hadn't been allowed to say when Robert was around. It was a tricky situation to move through that she still struggled with.

But 'the usual', being a night on the town, was certainly what she needed.

"Ace," Riley replied, already feeling her spirits soar. Nothing made her feel better than the chance to just have fun, with no pressure around and not having to be 'Rage'. Not having to put on some sort of a show or be a role model to whomever was a fan. It was exhausting. "Absolutely." She reached out her hands and Noah grabbed onto them, helping her to her feet. "Your car or mine?"

"Mm," Rhuben gave a half smile before saying teasingly, "Given the circumstances, who would be more likely to get a speeding ticket?" Then she thought for a moment before bobbing her head. "I reckon, considering the fact that Kendall hurt my sister, I'd say that there's an equal chance."

"We can take yours," Riley finally decided, conceding that now that her siblings knew what happened, Kendall wouldn't be too popular with them. Even Sydney was already starting to frown intensely, something that hardly ever graced his more innocent features. "Besides, I'm sure that Dak would like some time alone with you, even if it's in the comfort of the front seat."

"I didn't need to hear that," Patrick mumbled, earning a flick to the ear from Noah, who threw his arm around his neck in a headlock after.

Riley thought to say something about his burgeoning romance with Katie but decided against it. He already blushed a storm whenever it was mentioned, he didn't need the torture of it either. Not when she was already feeling so cruddy. _I wonder if Katie knows what he did?_ The thought came to her mind before she could stop it, making her feel a flash of irritation once more.

"Just because we're dating now doesn't mean you can still make fun of him," Rhuben said with a laugh. She then motioned to herself, lifting her chin. "That's my job."

"An easy one, I bet," Riley commented. Then she held up her hands and stood a step back from her sister, flashing a charming smile. "It's the last one, I promise." Well, she wasn't quite sure about that, sometimes it was just too much fun to pass up.

She heard her cell phone ringing in her bag by the door. Or maybe she sensed it, as it appeared no one else had noticed. She knew Kendall was calling her and with a burning flare of anger, didn't move to answer it. No, instead, she grabbed her bag, slung it over her shoulder, and tuned it out as it went to silence. Then she walked to Rhuben and slung her arm over her twin's shoulder.

"Let's go."

* * *

Kendall stretched his legs out in front of him, watching as a bug crawled over the tip of his shoe. He heaved another sigh. He'd been doing it a lot that day. How long had he been sitting outside? Long enough that the sun that rose high over the sky was slowly starting to sink. Reds, pinks, oranges, and yellows splashed the sky like a painting.

Normally he could enjoy it, enjoy its romantic properties with a picnic or a stroll through the park with his girlfriend. But which one? The ex who just returned, or the one he'd only been dating for half a day? Or which most was him avoiding her. He'd decided to hide out in Palm Woods Park after her latest admission. He'd still been hiding in the closet, trying to get in contact with Riley. She wasn't responding to any of his calls or texts. He knew she was busy, held a schedule that was filled more than he could ever imagine. But it couldn't be hard to spare one minute to send something back could it?

Send back. Go back. Leave.

Ugh.

It only reminded him of what he'd heard Lucy and Jo say. They were both thinking of leaving the Palm Woods. He'd heard Lucy say it herself _, "I understand if he wants to get back together with Jo. I just don't want to be around it. So, I'll save myself a broken heart and leave the Palm Woods if I don't hear from him soon."_

And Jo had said the same thing.

 _"I really just want to talk to him. But I don't want things to be too awkward, we have a lot to talk about. I'll understand, but if I don't hear from him soon, then I'll know where we stand."_

Camille and Stephanie had tried to help, "Just choose who you like better and go knock on her door."

But it wasn't that easy. He didn't know what door to knock on. Jo was amazing but an actress and would always be leaving for roles. And Lucy was amazing too…but they hadn't been dating that long. And he was tired of sitting in a closet. He needed some fresh air. So he went to Palm Woods park and just…sat. It wasn't working.

"Okay." Kendall looked up when he heard Riley's voice next to him and found her standing beside him, her arms folded over her chest. "What was so important that my phone battery had to die because you kept calling?"

"I'm glad you're here," he said honestly, surprised at how true it really was. He motioned for her to sit next to him but she stayed standing, continuing to stare at him. Kendall shrank back under her gaze. That was weird. Normally she was happy to see him. "Is everything okay?"

"What do you want, Kendall?" she asked.

He frowned. She called him by his actual name. Not Hockey-Head, Kendork, Kendoll, Kendoi, Kenduh, Eyebrows, K-Dawg, Dimples, Forehead, or anything else she could come up with. (Which, admittedly, he was impressed by). Just Kendall.

That wasn't good.

"Okay." Kendall licked his lips.

He knew something was wrong, he could sense it, but had no idea how to address it. So, instead, he started to talk about his problems instead of avoiding them. All of them. It came out like a rushing waterfall, bubbling up over his lips then spilled down around his feet. A basin that continued to widen as the seconds passed. He continued to talk and talk until everything was out in the open and he was heaving for breath, not having stopped.

"And now they're both threatening to leave the Palm Woods if I don't choose one of them by a certain time and I don't know what to do," he finally said. He looked up at Riley, waiting for her response. Riley continued to stare back at him, almost as if she hadn't heard a word he said. Silence stretched between them like a chasm, or maybe he was starting to notice how much they'd drifted. Kendall lifted a hand and waved it in front of her face. She didn't blink. "Yoo-hoo. Riles, are you still there…?"

Riley rolled her eyes, clenched her hands into fists, and took a deep breath. Her cheeks slowly started to flush. Kendall frowned, knowing what that meant. She was more than angry, she was pissed. And it only got worse when he ventured to ask, "What should I do?"

She gritted her teeth before saying flatly, "How should I know?" She raised and lowered her right arm in a shrug. "It's none of my business, yeah?"

That floored him. She always had something to say, a way to help him. "I just have no idea how to go about this."

Riley's eyes flashed and when she started to speak, her words started out in a hiss before it crescendoed. "I came here because you said you wanted to talk about something. And, like a dill I decided to see what it was you needed. Thinking, maybe, you were in a lot of trouble. But, now I know for sure all I'm good for is to give you advice when you have a problem." She sneered at him. "And it's always so fucking stupid. Something with the band isn't going your way? You whinge and make things worse to get your way. In the music industry, you start out as a canvas that people—"

"—Paint their pop on?" Kendall asked dryly, remembering the words Gustavo had said about him and his friends when they first started out. He expected Riley to laugh, she didn't even smile. She continued to glare at him.

Riley quickly changed the subject. "Everything is always about you, Kendall. Like no one else's feelings and hard work matter. You go on and on about how you didn't want fame to change you lot. It has. You used to not care so much about girls! It's like you can't function without a girl having to have your attention. Jo made you so fucking whipped it was beyond pathetic. Now you're going out with a girl that's a fucking poser, your ex comes back, and you're whinging about both of them wanting to date you? You want to know what I have to say about it? I'm done."

Kendall blinked in surprise, slowly stood up, looked at her pleadingly. How was this happening to him? What else could he have done to mess up so badly? "What do you mean?" He asked.

"I'm _done_." She said it so vehemently that he flinched. "I'm fucking sick and tired of you treating me like I don't matter."

Kendall's jaw dropped. "What the hell? Riles, you know you matter to me. I care about you."

"Really?" She scoffed. "When was the last time we had a _real_ conversation? When was the last time you asked what was going on with me? Or talked to me without the conversation steering back to you? When as the last time we hung out like friends. You're supposed to be my best friend."

"I _am_ your best friend!"

"When, in the last few days, have you been my best friend?" She spat. Kendall paused, trying to think. "In the last few weeks? Few months?" Frustrated, he looked away from her. Her eyebrows rose in mock surprise. "You don't have an answer? There's a bloody shock. I've been more of a friend to you than you fucking deserve. And you have nothing but girl drama you need me to help you with." Her face screwed up. "And I can't _believe_ that James 'dibsed' Lucy when you guys got back or that you lot dibs people at all. Do you even know what dibs means?"

Kendall immediately flashed back to what Logan had to say about it, but Riley spoke up before he could respond.

"It means Dealer Identification Book, where farmers put chalk marks on the asses of cows that were marked for sale. Did you guys dibs me and Rhu, too? Is that how we're all friends? Do I look like a fucking cow to you?"

"No!" Kendall protested. He gritted his teeth in frustration. Things weren't supposed to be going this way. They were supposed to talk, laugh, have a good time, end up going to an ice cream shop or the guitar store and have time fly by as they hung out. _Wow, it really has been a long time,_ he thought. "C'mon Riles, you know it's not like that."

"I might have before, but I'm not so sure now." Shaking her head, Riley took a step back from Kendall. "I'm done. I'm sick and tired of you, the way you treat me, your girl drama and you bringing me into it. Go fuck a cow, Kendall! And leave me the fuck alone."

With that she turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Kendall calling after her until the words died on her lips and he let her go. With the heaviest of sighs, Kendall dropped back onto the bench and rested his face in his hands, groaning.

He hadn't been hit, shoved, punched, kicked, or slapped but it truly did feel like he had.

* * *

A week.

Kendall hadn't talked to Riley in a little over a week and for two people who spoke nearly every second of every day, it was killing him. Every time he tried to apologize, he was ignored. Every time he tried to call, it went straight to voicemail. He stayed up late to see if she'd come online. Looking for **RiledAndCrazy11** to appear on his chat list. It never did. He knew he was blocked, she was online all the time. If her social media accounts weren't being used, she was online listening to music or watching videos while she worked on her art; traditional or digital, answering emails, recording videos, writing, or reading.

In that time frame, things became awkward with everyone. His friends tried not to mention Riley around him, which became difficult when they were working together. When she had to style them for something, even if it were as simple as a television appearance, she'd get his done first, when she typically left him for last, so they could talk. She'd hardly smile and explain everything in a professional tone while she'd joke and laugh along with James, Logan, and Carlos.

Jo slowly integrated herself back into their friend group. Soon, it was like nothing had changed, and yet there was the dark cloud overhead that couldn't be ignored. Lucy avoided them all, only giving small smiles and nods as she passed them. Sometimes it looked like she was going over to talk to Kendall, but then she'd stop and turn away, disappearing as quickly as she'd arrive. As mysterious as ever.

But what hurt worse was knowing that the Jacksons weren't very happy with him either. They'd look at him, but not speak so much whenever Riley and Kendall were in the same room. Sydney hardly looked at him, Noah, who was always very quiet, became straight up mute around him, Patrick shot him a dirty look every now and then—of which he wasn't entirely undeserving, and Rhuben would simply and smoothly alter conversations around the elephant in the room.

It was torture.

And they were all starting to suffer from it.

After the week of it, of missing his friend, missing his best girl friend (Kendall had to be sure to differentiate or else James would glare at him until he corrected himself) he couldn't take it anymore. Kendall tossed his phone aside and asked the room, "Could one of you call Riles for me? She won't answer if I do."

James exchanged a look with Carlos and Logan, who both sucked in sharp breaths between their teeth. "I don't think she'll answer us if she's not answering you," he said slowly.

Kendall frowned. That was bullshit and he knew it. They talked all the time. He was the only one being left out and ignored. If everyone was so tired of not having things back to normal, why was he the only one who was trying to make it work? It didn't help that their fans were starting to notice it, too. Had noticed it since Lucy arrived. Apparently, the way they interacted on social media had changed and their fans (of their band and of their friendship) had started to voice their opinions.

Logan sat up straight, turning his gaze from the math textbook he'd been reading, and said, "You have to admit, you have been taking your guys' friendship for granted. She blocked you on chat and won't answer your calls. She's more than pissed. Trust me, I know what it's like to have her pissed at you."

Kendall felt bad for Logan. He and Riley had stopped being friends, close friends shortly after they reconnected in LA. Riley had said Logan wasn't her friend and despite having known each other since they were eight, that she never truly thought they were friends. Logan had to agree, knowing their friendship was based more on convenience rather than being real, compared to Rhuben's which was based on mutual respect and attraction to each other. Logan was hurt, as hurt as Riley was but understood why that friendship ended.

Carlos then piped up with, "No offense to Jo, she's one of my good friends, but with her, after a while, you didn't seem as happy as you did when you first started dating. And you were the one that seemed to be working the hardest to keep the relationship going. Then with Lucy…well, you know what we all think about that." He'd said a few times he thought Lucy was a little too much like Riley, but Kendall had refused to believe it. "And…well, we know how you feel about Riles too. You can't think she'd be happy with all this."

Kendall scowled.

Since he had expressed an interest in Lucy, the others had constantly told him that he was projecting his feelings for Riley onto her. Even his fans were wondering what was going on and he constantly got ScuttButts about it. He ignored it the best that he could, but he always wondered if they were being a bit truthful about what was going on. He did like Riley; everyone had known that since she had helped him get over his break-up with Jo, so it didn't help that she was there trying to help him with Lucy too. To him, it was a slap in the face, a way of her telling him that she wasn't interested in him the same way. He got that message loud and clear when he tried to hold her hand.

"Plus, you are always asking her what to do, not actually asking for advice," Logan said.

"Well, you have to admit," Carlos spoke up. "She never really gives him advice; she lets him figure out what to do on his own." He snapped his fingers and turned to Kendall. "Maybe that's what you're supposed to do now. Try to figure out what you really want. Do you want Jo or Lucy and potentially ruin your friendship with Riles? Or do you want to lose two great girls but keep a best friend?"

Kendall's scowl deepened. His face was starting to hurt from how often he was frowning. And he as getting tired of James saying he would get premature wrinkles if he continued to do it. He was tire dof everything. "I don't know," Kendall snapped. "I don't want to hurt anyone."

"It's too late for that," James commented, pulling at the fringe that fell over his forehead with his fingertips. His jaw clenched as he listened to the conversation around him. Kendall could feel him tense against the couch cushions and looked at his best friend curiously.

"Well, if she was so mad about all of my 'girl drama' then how come she hadn't said anything before?".

"Because she wants you to be happy," Logan said.

"Because she cares about other people's feelings before hers," Carlos said.

"Because she's totally into you, dude," James concluded. Carlos and Logan glared at James while Kendall stared. What? Had he heard right? James's noncommittal shrug seemed to prove it true. "It was going to come out eventually, and he needs to know. It's too pathetic that he doesn't notice."

"She doesn't like me," Kendall denied, ignoring the rapid beating of his heart. "There's no way, because she only sees me as a _friend_." He rolled his eyes, unable to keep the contempt and frustration out of his voice. "Which she has implied many times if you haven't noticed. I realized that when she stared to push the whole Lucy thing on me."

"Dude!" James ran his hands over his face before turning to Kendall with what was close to a glare. Kendall knew James was a bit protective of Riley, as a matter of fact was jealous about it. He was suddenly reminded of Riley's secret, when she told him that she'd asked him out and he turned her down. They flirted all the time, what was keeping James from doing something about it. _He flirts with Rhu, too,_ Kendall reminded himself. _Don't freak out._ "Listen to me. She acted like she was fine with Lucy but in actuality, it's been killing her. She's liked you since we left on the tour and they went home to start their break, maybe even before that. The rest of us could see it. And you've done nothing but stomp all over her heart because you keep asking her what she should do about _your_ girl problems."

Kendall fell silent.

Thought about everything James had told him. He was in nothing _but_ girl drama. There was one girl that he had been in love with that broke his heart when she had to leave and a girl that he tried so hard to get to become his girlfriend, even driving her ex-boyfriend away. Then he was caught kissing the second girl when the first girl game back. But through all of that there had been only one person that had been there the whole time to help him with whatever he needed. She had been there right from the very beginning of his band and…he _had_ taken their friendship for granted.

Kendall bit his lower lip as he looked back at his friends. "I need some air," he murmured, shakingly standing up. He hadn't felt so discombobulated since the first time he stepped on the ice in his toddler hockey skates. "Don't wait up. If Mom asks…tell her that I had a big decision to make."

And so he wandered around, trying to find a place that would be free of anyone he knew or any confrontation. He only made it as far as Rocque Records before dropping onto a bench outside the building and rested his chin in his hands.

He didn't know how long he had been there until he heard a sweet, "Hey, Big Brother," and looked up to see his sister walking towards him. She held onto the straps of her backpack, practically bouncing as she came over.

"Hey, Baby Sister," Kendall replied with a smile. His little sister always managed to make him smile, even when he was having one of the worst days of his life. Or, in his case, the last few weeks. "What are you doing here? Torturing Gustavo a little?"

"A little," Katie replied. She nodded back towards the record company. "I was running Rocque Records."

"Right." Kendall nodded. Now he remembered. She was doing work-study with Rocque Records, an assignment from the Palm Woods school. He remembered Miss. Collins saying something to him about it, making sure she got the work done.

She hadn't been doing a lot of her school work lately, making their mother frustrated with her. From what he overheard of their conversation when their mother confronted her, she may have been spending a little _too_ much time with Patrick when she should've been doing her work. (Though Kendall was never sure what that meant, hand-holding, kissing, or anything else. It worried him either way).

"As long as you don't run it into the ground, I still need a job," he teased her.

Katie laughed. "Don't worry about that, I think Gustavo doesn't want me around there anymore. Griffin either." She took off her backpack and sat next to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm running from three girls who are amazing," Kendall replied honestly. Finally saying it out loud, he could feel some pressure releasing form his shoulders. "And I don't know what to do."

Katie shook her head. "Yeah, I think I got that by now," she said.

"You don't have an opinion about it?" Kendall asked.

Again, Katie shook her head. "You know I don't try to get into your business about your girlfriends. If I didn't, you wouldn't have had some of the ones you had." Kendall gave her a look, making her laugh. "Kendall, you know some of the girlfriends you've had were terrible for you and I always saw it coming."

"Then why didn't you say anything?"

"It wasn't my business." She said it so calmly that Kendall felt it reverberate in him. All the girlfriends that he'd had, the ones that met her in some way, she never had an opinion about one way or another or so he thought. There were enough people she hadn't liked, but none of them had brought any harm to him. She was wary about the fans that vied to be his girlfriend now, knowing there were many of them that wanted him for his fame and money. Still, who he chose to spend his time with wasn't her business. "But your friends…that's my business." She looked at him sharply. "How could you not see what you were doing? Even when you're mad at the guys you treat them a lot better."

Kendall rubbed at his eyes. "Katie, don't start, I already feel like shit about this."

"What are you doing to change it then?" Katie demanded, grabbing her brother's arm. He looked at her. "You can't run from your problems, you can't ignore them. You have to do something to make things work out."

"I've tried talking to her," Kendall cried, emotion filling his voice making it crack. He was on the verge of completely cracking, he knew it. "I've tried to apologize. I tried to fix things." He clenched his fingers together so tightly that he felt his knuckles all pop at once.

"Don't _try_ just _do_." Katie slapped her hands to her lap in exasperation. "Talk to Lucy, talk to Jo, make Riley talk to you. Make a decision. Just stop sulking. What have you done to try to change things?"

"I'm not sure _what_ to do."

"Then walk."

"What do you mean, walk?"

"It clears your heard," Katie insisted. She leaned forward, resting her chin on her brother's shoulder. "I mean I know you skate to do that, but it doesn't seem like it's been working lately. So…just walk."

Kendall looked like he was mulling it over. In actuality, he was trying to figure out the best ending to every scenario that wasn't going to end up with him feeling lower than he already did. "But what if my head won't tell me what to do."

"Of course not." Katie rolled her eyes and gently punched her brother on the arm. She stood up and gathered her backpack in her arms. "But your heart will tell you where to go." She smiled warmly at him. "It always does."

Kendall slowly smiled at her. He let out a chuckle and stood up, opening his arms to give her a hug. Katie hugged him back and Kendall bent down, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "You know what, Baby Sister? You're really smart."

"About time you notice it," Katie said. She heard a honking sound and looked over to see their mother parked at the curb, waving to them. Katie waved back. "That's mom I've got to go." She eyed him closely. "Do you want a ride?"

"No." Kendall took a step back. "I think I'll walk."

"Okay." Katie walked to the car with Kendall along with her. He opened the passenger door for her and Katie slipped inside, tossing her backpack behind her. She buckled her seat and looked at Kendall for a long moment before saying, "Think of this…you just had your wildest dream come true. Who do you want standing next to you?"

Kendall looked away, taking in her words. Then he shook his head. She was much too smart. Kendall blew a kiss to her and his mother before stepping back so they could drive away. Then he started to walk. Down every street he found, around every corner. And everywhere he went, he found something that reminded him of his plight.

The first thing he came across was a restaurant called Lucy's Diner. He and Jo had eaten there once before. But soon found themselves enjoying having picnics in the park more often. They were always so romantic, and what also led to them getting in trouble when it came to him keeping her out too late. Which, in turn, made going to the prom a pickle. He loved being able to spend that time with Jo, lying out on a picnic blanket and watching the sunset and the stars, holding hands as they laid against each other.

Sometimes falling asleep in each other's arms.

Then he thought of one of the best times he'd had at a restaurant.

 _"I feel really underdressed," Riley murmured as she and Kendall were led through the dining room to their table. She tugged at the bottom of her jacket, hoping to cover the Lycra shorts she was wearing, having just come from a workout Patrick had made the two bands work through._

 _Kendall chuckled. He wasn't much better in a tank top and basketball shorts. Nevertheless, he followed the host, who looked at them with disdain, to their table. He didn't respond until they were seated and had their menus. "I thought you didn't care what people thought about you?" He teased._

 _"I don't," Riley replied. "But there's a bloody difference between having my ass hanging out and being underdressed, yeah? This is just plain disrespectful."_

 _Kendall shrugged. "You said you wanted to eat here and I was driving, so here we are."_

 _"It's just a bit too fancy for me, mate."_

 _Kendall waved his hand. "So what? I don't see why you need to have a dress code just to go somewhere to eat. We have the money and we're giving them business, we can't kick them out." He sniffed flipping up his menu. "And, besides I used Gustavo's name. I don't think they'd be happy if he yelled at them so…they had to take us."_

 _Riley laughed, folding her arms as she settled back in her seat. "And I thought you were too much of a goodie-goodie for things like that, Hockey-Head." Then she shook her head. "What am I talking about? This is the bloke who managed to get a good picture for Pop Tiger magazine despite the absolute crook it was."_

 _With a proud smile, Kendall pretended to bow. "And that was only when we got started." Riley laughed and all throughout lunch the conversation flowed from topic to topic as they ate, even splitting a dessert. By the end, their waiter, who also wasn't as happy with their attire as the host, glowered as he hovered, giving them signals that it was time for them to go. "I guess we should get going."_

 _"Too right," Riley agreed. They got up from the table and quickly left the restaurant under the glare of their waiter. They laughed on the way outside. "I seriously thought the bloke was going to blow a gasket."_

 _"I don't think anyone there gets paid enough to clean that up," Kendall replied as they kept walking to the Big Time Rush mobile. "What did you end up tipping him?"_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _Confusion filled Kendall as he turned to look at Riley, who looked back at him. "His attitude was pretty bad, but he did give good service. What did you tip him?"_

 _"I thought you tipped him," Riley replied. Her eyebrows rose. "How much was our food?"_

 _Kendall shrugged. "I don't know, I thought you…" his words died on his lips as realization struck him. They hadn't paid. Neither of them had paid for their meal. Kendall looked at Riley, whose own eyes were wide with horror._

 _She reached out and grabbed onto his arm. "We just fucking dined and dashed," she said. "Mate, that's fucking terrible. I'm a waitress, I know how bad that is!"_

 _Kendall gave her a funny look. "I don't believe that you've never dined and dashed before."_

 _Riley hesitated, making Kendall smile. He knew it. "Well, in Oz, I have. But we get paid a living wage there, not here." She had a point. His mother had mentioned it a few times, wishing she could have paid her staff more with all the good work they did in the diner back in Minnesota. "Did you?"_

 _Now Kendall hesitated. "I didn't want to," he finally admitted. "It's was an initiation for becoming hockey captain." What his teammates didn't know was that he went back the next day and left the tip and extra money for the waitress they had stiffed. His conscience was that guilty._

 _"Your mum's the manager of a bloody diner."_

 _"Just make things worse, Riles, okay?" Kendall ran a hand through his hair. "Okay, we'll just have to go back in and explain what happened."_

 _Riley dutifully walked along with him. "You know that means we're going to end up washing dishes, right?"_

 _"Yep."_

 _And they did, but it was the most fun he'd had in a long time._

Kendall quickly turned away from the diner. He pumped his legs as fast as they could take him. He had to get away. Had to keep walking, had to keep thinking. But then he came across an ad in the window of a hair salon advertising red hair dye. Kendall chuckled to himself.

 _Riley's stomach muscles trembled as Kendall leaned over her, anxiety reading across his face like a spotlight. Steadily, his face loomed closer to hers. The air around them crackled with giddiness and the excitement that they were about to do something wrong._

 _He dug his fingers into her hair, the silky strands slipping through his fingers. "We're going to be in so much trouble if somebody catches us, Riles," he murmured._

 _Riley rolled her eyes. "It's a bathroom, Hockey-Head; I don't think a bloody SWAT team is going to come after us."_

 _Kendall gave a half smile then nervously checked over his shoulder. "No, it's just…it's my mom's bathroom. It's the only place in the entire crib that's hers. The rest of us share the other one. Why don't we just use that?"_

 _"Because it's not big enough to dye my hair in and you did say you'd help me." Riley reached up and scratched her shoulder, pushing aside the strap of her bra. The plastic bag on her left hand crinkled when she moved it through her hair, inspecting it closely. Red dye stained the front of the glove, resembling blood. "So just take the dye and spread it over the parts that are already red, yeah?"_

 _"What's that other bottle for?" Kendall flicked his head towards the counter, eyes focused on her hair as he carefully applied the dye. It splattered to the bottom of the tub on the first attempt, before he managed to get it directly onto her strands of hair._

 _"That's bleach. My hair is too dark for it to show up normally, so I have to bleach it before dyeing it." Riley closed an eye as a splatter of dye hit her face. She wiped it away, leaving a small stain. "Piece of advice, don't get it in your eyebrows."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"It burns if you don't get it off quick enough." Kendall chuckled. "What's so funny?"_

 _"Imagining you with blonde hair."_

 _"I did it for an audition, it wasn't too bad."_

 _Kendall leaned back, tilting his head to the side as he held his hands up, surgeon's hands. The dye dripped like blood off his fingertips. "I think that's it," he said._

 _Riley carefully reached up and patted the section off portions of her hair that were to get the dye. Her lower back ached, stomach started to burn. She was starting to feel the bridge position she was in, leaning on the side of the bathtub, using only her shoulders and leg muscles to keep herself up. "It's fine," she managed to grind out. "Okay, so it needs to sit for a few minutes and then you turn on the water to rinse out the excess—"_

 _Kendall reached up and turned on the shower. Water cascaded out of the shower head, directly into Riley's face, and she let to a scream of surprise. "Not yet!" She sputtered. "Not yet! Turn it off!"_

 _Leaping forward, Kendall frantically turned off the water, banging his shin into the side of the tub with a loud bang. He cried out in pain, grasping his reddening shin as he bounced up and down. Riley continued to sputter, her eyes closed as she leaned back. "What'd you do that for?"_

 _"You said to turn on the water!"_

 _"I said to do it after the dye fucking sits!"_

 _"Well!" Kendall threw his hands into the air. "I don't know how to do girl hair. Did you see Katie when I tried to do a ponytail?"_

 _"Just help me up, boofhead. I can't see."_

 _Kendall reached out and grasped onto her slippery hands, pulling hard. A little too hard. Riley sat up fast, her water-logged hair arching upwards and smacked Kendall in the face and chest, splattering the hair dye on him as she did so. For a moment, the two stood there, stunned then got a good look at each other. Riley, resembling a drowned rat with her disheveled, wet hair shellacked to her face, cheeks streaked with red. Kendall's face was splattered with dye and he blinked rapidly, trying to keep it from running into his eyes._

 _Then they started to laugh hysterically, their tears mixing with the dye on their cheeks. Until there was a sound that immediately caught their attention. An almost primal, anguished cry that made them turn to the bathroom door to find Mrs. Knight's eyes wide with horror._

 _The formerly pristine white bathroom with navy blue accents now had droplets of water and red hair dye running down the walls and counters, puddling on the floor._

 _Mrs. Knight's hand, resembling a claw, rested on her chest, the other firmly grasping the handle to the door. She sucked in a deep breath, clearly trying to compose herself. "I'm not going to ask," she said, deadly calm. "Just clean it up and come talk to me."_

 _"Mom—"_

 _Mrs. Knight held up her hand and left the bathroom._

 _Kendall turned to Riley, who smiled sheepishly, pressing her index fingers together. "Oops," she said, blushing._

His mom had been pissed but they'd apologized repeatedly and cleaned up the bathroom as best they could before Mrs. Knight would talk to them again. And even she said it was the best the bathroom had ever looked but they 'better now do it again'. Of course, they did do it again, but only as a way for them to prank her into thinking one of them were bleeding badly after an 'unfortunate knife accident'. She still hadn't forgiven them for that one. The only time he and Jo had talked about hair dye had been when Jo was about to go on an audition that her agent wanted her to dye her hair for.

But not just any color, they wanted her to dye it red. Not a regular red, an orange-red. A bright carrot red. Kendall had laughed at the idea of it, giving way for Jo to pummel him, as she cringed at the idea. Still, it was a good laugh for the two of them as they tried to think of other colors on their heads.

And Kendall continued to walk, coming across a convertible stopped at a red light with the license reading 'I Love Lucy'. Kendall shook his head as he smiled at it. He and tried to teach Jo how to drive a stick shift but it had ended up turning into a massive argument. They apologized later but it was bad enough they didn't speak for a day.

But first arriving in LA, he didn't have his license or a permit. Only Logan had his learner's permit, the one to drive them to James's initial audition. But if they were to share a car, they were all going to need to drive. Kendall wanted to learn how, not just for their band car, but for ease his mother's having to drive them and Katie everywhere. Riley quickly offered to teach him and brought along the vans that carter her and her siblings around to do it.

Her only stipulation, _"This is the only car we have, so if you crash it, I'll fucking kill you."_

And she did well enough, a very calm teacher despite flinching when he came close to hitting another car, he passed on his first attempt of the test, getting his license shortly after. She'd been one of the first ones he told when he got it and she'd been very excited for him.

The light turned green and the car drove away. That was it, he knew what he was going to do.

Kendall made his way back to the Palm Woods, walking with purpose. He wasn't going to turn back down. Kendall walked all the way to the Palm Woods and took the stairs to his destination. He went to 4J and knocked on the door, wiping his hands off on the sides of his jeans.

Finally, the door opened. Jo smiled at him.

Kendall smiled back. "Hey" he greeted her in a hoarse whisper.

"Hey," Jo replied just as quietly.

"We need to talk," Kendall said.

Jo nodded. She held her arm, opening the door wider to reveal Lucy standing next to her, "Yeah, I think we do."

* * *

Riley hung a pair of jeans on a hangar and placed them on a rack before pushing it aside to make room for more. Once she was finished with that, she grabbed a handful of belts and started to make separate piles of them. Big ones, small ones, fat ones, skinny ones, studded ones, bright ones, dark ones, all went into its own place. Typically, she had it all figured out, but with her avoidance of Rocque Records as of late, it was getting harder to find time to organize the costume closet before Gustavo demanded she do it.

Of course, she talked him into paying her more for it, but it was her job and it needed to be tended to. So when she was sitting in the middle of the crowded floor and heard a knock on the closed door of the closet, she froze. It wasn't her siblings, they knew where she was and would've called. It had to have been someone else. And only one person had been looking for her as of late. Before Riley could call out, there was another knock and Jo poked her head in. "Hello?" She asked.

"Hey, Jo-Jo," Riley replied with a warm smile. Jo was her friend, was stuck in the same predicament as her, she couldn't be too mad at her. And Jo didn't seem to be upset either as she entered the room and sat down with her. "What brings you here?"

"Did I get fired form m job already?" Jo teased.

"Nah, mate, you're one of the best assistants I've had," Riley replied. She let out a quiet laugh then noticed that Jo smile, only she wasn't laughing as well. A sigh escaped Riley's lips as she rolled up a belt. She hated herself but had to asked again, "Why are you here, Jo?"

"I can't come see my friend?"

"We're still friends?"

"Did we stop?"

Riley twisted her mouth to the side. Jo had asked the question so innocently, so sincerely, Riley wondered if she'd even noticed. "Well, I figured since I didn't return your calls…" she trailed off, shifting her gaze away, not sure what to say.

Jo smiled back. "Yeah, Kendall has that effect on people." Riley stiffened but didn't respond. "Riles, I asked you to look out for him when I left. I did that for a reason. You're a great friend to him, I know that you could take care of him while I was gone."

Closing her eyes, Riley shook her head. "Jo, don't," she mumbled. She opened her eyes when she felt Jo reach out and take her hand. Jo smiled kindly at her, making her feel worse.

"We need to talk about this," Jo said. "I know why you've been avoiding me. Or at least I have an idea." She dropped Riley's hand. "I've known for a while that you've liked Kendall. I don't know, maybe even you love him." Riley winced. "I've known for a while and, honestly, for a little bit, I sort of resented you for it. I wanted to be a good girlfriend to Kendall, but we fought a lot. And every time we fought, I waited for him to come talk to me, but he'd go to talk to you about it. Then he'd come back, we'd talk, and things would get better."

"I never wanted to get in the middle of it," Riley defended herself.

"I know." Jo reached over and picked up a belt, rolling it as well. "I know that. But I guess it was inevitable. Just like how, now, I've gotten in the middle of things. I don't want to be in the middle. That's what I told Kendall when he came to talk to me today."

Riley lifted her gaze and looked at Jo curiously. Jo looked back at her, brown eyes filled with truth. She was being sincere. Telling the truth. She wasn't saying anything that Riley wanted to hear. And there was no ill will in her words when she said it.

"He talked to you?" Riley finally asked. Then she felt annoyed, having no idea why. _She_ was the one who had been ignoring him for so long, couldn't even look at a mention of his name without seeing red. And when she saw red…it was game over.

"Mhm." Jo leaned back, resting her hands on the floor behind her. "Me, Kendall, and Lucy all talked today." She chuckled. "It was awkward, but we had to do it." She smoothed her hair from her face and looked Riley in the eye. "He really misses you."

"That's his problem," Riley said stubbornly.

"And you miss him, too, I know you do. I did, when I was gone. But…it took me a bit to know it was because I missed him as a person, not that I missed him as my boyfriend. Since we started dating we became this big thing, Kendall and Jo, or Jendall I think is what our fans called us. And there was a lot of pressure. I liked him, he liked me, but we didn't have a lot of things in common to keep us together. We tried…but it was starting to fall apart. You have more in common with him than I could ever imagine."

"I'm sure Lucy could say the same thing," Riley couldn't help but let the bitter words to come out of her mouth. Then she let out a bitter laugh, tilting her head back to run her hands over her face. "Oh God, I'm such a bitch."

"A bitch? No. You just really like him," Jo said. She smiled. "I'm glad you finally admitted it to me."

"I don't want you to hate me, Jo."

"I don't hate you, Riles. You're one of my best friends."

"So are you, Joey." Riley shook her head. "You're too nice for your own good. Anyone else would probably hate me for stealing their bloody boyfriend." She lifted an eyebrow, a smirk coming to her face. "I said I'd never make that mistake again, yeah?" Jo gave her a funny look and Riley lowered her head, sighing. "It's a long story just know I felt like shit afterwards. I should feel like shit now."

Jo shook her head. "Don't. I don't think I could take it." The girls looked at each other and laughed. "No do you want to hear about my trip and what happened with the movie or not?"

"Yeah, please," Riley said, feeling relief at the subject change. "I'm sure Pat would love to hear—"

Jo tossed a t-shirt to her. "Shut up!"

And so the two continued with lighter conversation topics as they finished cleaning and organizing the room until everything was in its place. Then Riley drove Jo back to the Palm Woods, dropping her off out front. She was seconds away from pulling away from the curb when she heard a knock at the window and looked over to see Mrs. Knight resting her knuckles against the glass.

Riley thought about driving away then decided against it. There was no need to be rude. She lowered the window and said quietly, with a small smile, "Hi, Mama Knight. How you going?"

"I'm doing fine, Riley," Mrs. Knight replied. Riley sucked in a sharp breath, she hated the way she wasn't angry, but comforting, understanding. "How are you?" Riley didn't respond. "Not very well, I'm guessing."

"I've been better."

"Do you want to come in?"

"I don't have the time."

"Kendall's not there."

"I don't have the time," Riley repeated. This time with less conviction and more fatigue. She was tired of having this conversation and, honestly, was seriously thinking of going back to Australia to get away from it for a little while. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Then how about I talk and you listen?" Her voice was still calming, but Riley knew she was serious. Without looking at her, Riley reached out and flipped the lock on the doors, allowing Mrs. Knight to open it and slide into the passenger seat. "I know you don't want to talk about Kendall but I'm not going to talk about him. I'm going to talk about you."

Riley's eyebrows twitched.

"Riley, I've known you for a few years now and I know you're someone who gets as upset as other people, but you can't show it. Or don't want to, or maybe had it beaten out of you, I don't know. But as I've seen, when you bottle things up, they tend to get worse and you say things you don't mean."

"I meant everything I said, Mama Knight," Riley murmured, shifting in her seat. She suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Not that she didn't like talking to Mrs. Knight, she liked having the time sometimes. She just hadn't had it in a long time, enough so it felt foreign to her. Ronan had managed to breach the wall of becoming her adoptive father with some work, but Mama Knight wasn't her mother and wouldn't be.

"And how's that working out for you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're walking around like you've lost your best friend and he's still around, fighting to be there. But you won't let him."

"Because he constantly takes advantage of my friendship, Mama Knight. I give second chances but I don't give third and fourths."

Mrs. Knight managed a small smile. "You'd lost a lot of people in your life if you continue to follow that thought." Riley snored. "But I see you've already lost a lot of people in your life. Now you just push them away before you can get hurt."

"I've already been hurt, yeah?"

"And he's hurting, too. But I can see it's hurting you even more. You found someone that really cared about you and now you're torturing yourself to keep from getting hurt again. While you do that, you still hurt.? I know he did something that hurt your feelings and your trust in him, but I think it's hurting your own trust with yourself, your vulnerabilities. So I have to ask…how's that working out for you"

In the seconds that followed, Riley felt her resolve breaking down until she felt the hard lump in her throat, cutting off her airways. She opened her mouth to breathe, to get air, and felt her breath, her entire body quivering. It was too late now.

Riley closed her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks. Mrs. Knight opened her arms, allowing Riley to leaned over and rest her head in her lap. The mother's touch that she hadn't had in years.

* * *

Kendall pulled on the hood of his sweatshirt as a chill moved through the thin fabric. He retrieved his phone out of the front pocket, looked at the time, then returned it before vigorously rubbing his arms. He couldn't think of how much time he'd been out there. Long enough that Ronan had asked him to come inside twice already since he first arrived.

Both times Kendall had said he was fine and wanted to wait longer. Now Kendall felt the cold seep in through the seat of his pants, freeze the tips of his ears and nose. It wasn't Minnesota cold, but it was still cold. Kendall pressed the sides of his hood over his ears before pulling his beanie down over his forehead. He blew into his hands and rubbed them together to warm them up, teeth starting to chatter.

He didn't look up when he heard the door to the house open again. "Kendall, come inside," Ronan said.

"No, I'm fine." Kendall shook his head. "I don't mind waiting."

"It wasn't a question."

Kendall heard the tone of Ronan's voice deepen and found himself standing up. He turned around to find the older man standing in black t-shirt, a pair of camouflage cargo shorts, and flip flops, rubbing his arms. Despite the cold, he looked at Kendall with so much ferocity that Kendall could only nod. Ronan nodded back and led Kendall into the warm house.

Closing the door behind him, Kendall backed away as Sydney ran by, holding onto a handheld game device as he went. He looked at Kendall with a small smile and greeted him with a quiet, 'hi', as he went. Kendall lifted his hand in response but didn't speak. He followed Ronan into the kitchen where Patrick and Noah sat across from each other, working on their homework.

They looked up when the two entered and Ronan jerked his thumb over his shoulder, silently motioning for them to leave. They did as they were told, packing up their things before leaving, muttering a 'hey' and 'what's up' as they went. It was the warmest response Kendall'd gotten from them in a long time.

Pushing up the sleeves of his sweatshirt, Kendall sat down at the dining table while Ronan made two cups of tea, placing one in front of Kendall in seconds. He had to been brewing it and leaving it to warm each time he went out to speak to the younger teen.

"So, I guess you want to talk," Kendall said slowly.

Ronan lifted his eyebrows, leaning back against the counter. "I never said that." He lifted his mug to his lips and took a long sip. "At this point, I think the last thing you need to do is talk. Well talk to me, anyway." Kendall smiled. "Besides, I think, by now, you have heard everything you need to hear. I don't have any advice for you."

Kendall lowered his heat, feeling his heart sink. He didn't know what he was waiting for, exactly. Advice, probably. He was able to give it as well as he was able to receive it. And he could take as much as he could get by that point.

"The one thing I will say, though," Ronan said, grabbing his attention once more. "Is that I've known Riley since she was about nine years old, so for almost ten years now. And the one thing I know about her for sure is that she tends to protect her heart as much as she does her family, with large walls. But those walls have a habit of coming down fairly easily around the right person."

Kendall gave him a look. As if he hadn't already known that.

"And that they can't be put back together again once broken."

"I'm not a bloody egg, Ronan," Riley said, walking into the kitchen with Rhuben behind her. Rhuben immediately locked eyes with Kendall over her shoulder, then backed away, moving at a quick pace. Riley looked at Kendall with a raised eyebrow.

"No shoot," Ronan replied, making Riley smile at his refusal to curse. Then she looked at Kendall with disdain and asked, "What do you want?"

"To talk, obviously," Ronan said. He went to his daughter and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "It's what you do best. It was good to see you, Kendall. We missed having you around."

"Thanks," Kendall replied. Ronan had said he wouldn't give advice, but in his own way, he had. He was a good friend. Kendall had expected Ronan to be upset or blame him for what happened and yet he continued to treat him normally. Kendall stood up from the table, pushing his tea aside and looked Riley in the eye. "Can we talk?" His heart sank. It was weird to hear himself ask in such a submissive, quiet way. He used to be able to say those words and immediately launch into a story or whatever plan he had come up with without a moment's hesitation. "We have a lot to talk about."

Riley twisted her mouth to the side but didn't otherwise respond.

"Ok, _I_ have a lot to talk about."

Finally, Riley nodded and motioned behind her. "We can go outside—"

"—If it's all the same to you, I just came from outside," Kendall said quickly. "And I'm still kind of cold."

The faintest of smirks tugged at Riley's lips as she tilted her head. "I thought you could handle it," she said. "Being from Minnesota and all."

"Usually I can," Kendall said easily. "But that's when I'm moving around. I've been sitting there waiting for you."

Riley blinked in surprised. Her eyebrows twitched upwards. Then she turned on her heel, motioning for him to follow her. "We're going to my room," she said to Ronan, passing him in the living room.

Ronan nodded in response.

Kendall followed Riley to her room and sat down in her desk chair as she kicked off her shoes and dropped onto the foot of her bed, crossing her legs. She rested her chin in her hands and fixed Kendall with a pointed stare that immediately made him spill his guts.

He'd gone over everything in his head enough he knew exactly what he was going to say. "First, I don't want you to think that I only have you as a friend just so I can get advice from you," he murmured. He licked his lips cleared his throat, and kept going, finding strength in his voice. "You're my friend, my best friend because—" he cut himself off. "You're more than my best friend, actually. Much more than that. You're really great at giving advice, even when I don't want it, but that's not the only reason you're my friend." Riley's eyebrows rose but her expression didn't change. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way. And you're right;"—her eyes rose even higher—"I've been really self-centered and selfish. I've only been talking about me and my problems. I haven't asked you how things are going with you. I didn't know you and your brothers and sister were getting an award for your volunteer work. I haven't asked how your summer was or how your break was going or how things were now that you've announced…"

He trailed off, seeing the flash of pain and fear in her eyes. Bringing up their abuse to their fans, to the public had been one thing. But having to repeatedly speak about it, to have it in the open enough so it was easier to speak about would take longer. Kendall cleared his throat. "I didn't ask how therapy was going, I didn't ask if you've been having any nightmares or if there was anything _you_ wanted to talk about. I didn't even think to ask if hanging out with Lucy so much, ditching you so much, was hurting you. And for that I'm so, _so_ sorry."

He thought of what else to apologize for but couldn't come up with it. Didn't know how to start, didn't know how deep everything ran. He didn't want to scare her?

"Are you done?" Riley asked. Kendall paused. She waved her hand, moving to get off her bed. "Good night, Kendall."

"Wait!" Kendall held out his hands. The desperation in his voice was palpable, making Riley slowly sit back down again. "I wanted to let you know that choosing between Jo and Lucy was the hardest decision I had to make." Riley snorted. "At first." Her eyes narrowed in confusion. "When I thought about it, _really_ thought about it, it wasn't hard. At all. I already knew what my choice was. From the very beginning, I knew what my choice was. I didn't choose Jo or Lucy because I knew that they weren't always going to be there for me. You were. No matter what stupid thing I did, or even if I just needed to vent, I knew that you were always going to be there to help me; I couldn't guarantee that with them. I can tell that you and your brothers and sister are my best friends and you're the kind of people that are going to be my friends for the rest of my life and I don't want to lose that. I didn't choose either of them. I couldn't." He looked her in the eye. "I chose you."

Riley sat up straight, folded her arms across her chest, rubbed her arm. "I'm sorry?"

"I chose you," Kendall repeated.

There was a moment of silence where Riley gently shook her head, hair swinging around her face. She ran a hand through her hair, moving her hair over her shoulders, fixing her dark blue eyes on his. "I wasn't a choice, Kendall."

"You were to me. You _are_ to me."

Kendall moved the chair closer to her, but kept his distance in case she was to start swinging. Just in case she managed to get her hands on something heavy. Or else maybe a set of keys would go flying towards his head. Nevertheless, he had his hands ready in case he needed to defend himself. Then immediately felt bad. She'd told him about her frustration with that before, how people only focused on how angry she got. How she hated things people said like, 'don't let Riley hear you say that' or 'better you than her' or 'you better sleep with one eye open' in reference to her anger. He knew it made her cry nearly every time though she hid it well.

So he moved closer.

"I wasn't a bloody choice because I removed myself from the bloody situation, boofhead," Riley clarified. She bobbed her head back and forth. "I knew where it was going to go, I took a step back, and I don't appreciate you bringing me back into it."

"Well, that's too bad, Riles, because this has to do with you. And me. And how much I'm going to fight for this."

"Getting some inspiration are you?" She asked with a wry smile. "Getting some inspiration to write a song about it?"

Kendall felt his temper flare. He knew where he messed up there. "It's a song, Riles. Yes, I wrote it for you, _about_ you." He threw his hands into the air. "I wrote _Cover Girl_ and _You're Not Alone_ about you, to make you feel better, to make you know that I'm always there for you. That I…" he cut himself off. "That I care about you. Yes, I sang it to someone else. I'm going to sing it to someone else, it's going on our album, it's going to happen."

Riley's eyes flashed. "I have no fucking problem with you singing it to someone else. I know you have to, it's part of being a fucking band. The thing I couldn't stand," her voice cracked, "Was the way you _looked_ at her when you sang it, you jackass." Kendall pressed his lips together. "Like you wrote it for her."

Oh God, he was tired of this. Tired of arguing, just wanted to get things back to normal. Wanted to get his point across. But she needed to admit her fault in it as well. "This isn't all my fault," he said. "And this is partially your fault. You never told me how you felt about me. We can talk about literally _anything_ and you never told me; I had to have James tell me."

Now Riley looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Her lower jaw moved to the side and she crossed her arms, eyes narrowing. "How attached are you to James? Because I'm getting the feeling that he's going to die soon."

"Riles."

"Fine." Riley slapped her thigh. "You're right. I know you're right. This is partially my fault because I couldn't say it out loud." She leaned toward him, swinging her legs to the ground. "You want to know why I didn't fucking say anything? Because of Jo, yeah? Because I couldn't stand the thought of the look on her face if she ever said that she wanted to get back together with you and you were taken by one of her best friends, who never mentioned anything to _her_. And because of Lucy. I saw the way you were looking at her…" Her face started to turn red. "And how you kept blowing me off. You keep saying that we're best friend and we can talk about anything and you couldn't even talk to me about her. Instead, the only time you've talked to me recently was to ask _me_ to help _you_ get together with her, to get rid of her stupid ex-boyfriend."

Riley reached up her hand to scratch her forehead. "You telling me this isn't going to make everything magically better!" She started to yell, unable to keep calm. "You'd be surprised how fast the real world will screw you over if you allow yourself to believe that everything will be okay once you apologize." She shook her head. "Why am I not surprised? This is Kendall Knight I'm talking about, the guy whose blind optimism can get him through everything. God, I'm so freaking pissed at you it's not even funny!"

Finally, he was getting a response. "I know, I know. And…I don't think you'd ever forgive me, honestly. I know that it's going to take time for things to go back to the way they were—"

"Do you _really_ think it can?" Riley asked, voice soft. "Do you really think that this can go back to the way it was before?"

Kendall thought for a moment. "Everything just happened so fast and when—"

"—When opportunities like that come you have to take it?" Riley interrupted. "Yeah, that's what Jo told me."

"You talked to Jo?"

"I didn't want to. But she already planned to help me clean out the costume closet and she said she wouldn't speak to me again if I didn't talk to her." She raised her hand to smooth her hair off her forehead. "I don't know if you noticed, but my biggest fear is not being liked. It's already hard enough for me to keep friends and I could think about losing Jo, too. But she and I talked. About you."

"And?" Kendall pressed.

Riley raised and lowered her right shoulder. "And what? I'm talking to you, aren't I?" She sniffed loudly. "The thought of you not liking me—"

"I _do_ like you, Riles," Kendall said, putting as much passion into the word as he could. He knew it wasn't what she meant. Not completely. Knew she meant him having no feelings for her whatsoever, romantic of friendship. But he did. And he looked her in the eye, hoping that she could see the truth in his eyes. "I like you a lot. And I think…I _know_ you like me, too."

Riley forced her eyes away from his. "I can't believe you almost threw this away." Kendall saw something glittering on her cheek and, surprised, Riley brought her hand up to her cheek and realized she was crying.

Kendall hesitated before sitting next to her, moving his arm around her shoulders. His heat swelled when she didn't move away. They sat in silence for a long time until Kendall couldn't stand it any longer. "I believe your words were to me were 'go fuck a cow'," He said with a laugh.

"Yeah." Riley grimaced. "That might've been a bit harsh, yeah?" She managed to smirk, though tears were still in her eyes. "I-I'm not calling _Lucy_ a cow, I meant—"

"—don't worry, I know what you meant," Kendall reassured her. He truly did. That's where their troubles began as it was. When he had tried to prove to James that Lucy had winked at him during their Palm Woods show before their world tour and it had ended up in a convoluted dibsing war.

She sniffed again and Kendall reached out and wiped some of them away, causing Riley to briefly close her eyes. More tears spilled out.

"I didn't think that I'd ever see you cry," He remarked. Not because of him, he meant. He'd seen her cry before. Not very often, she hated to open herself that way.

"I didn't think so either," Riley managed to laugh, using the sides of her hands to wipe her face. "God, what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing. You just care more than you originally thought."

"I guess so," Riley agreed. She then frowned, looking at him seriously. "I hope you don't think that just because you apologized I'm going to automatically going to completely trust you again. I'm so angry at you, Kendall."

"I know. You haven't called me Hockey-Head once."

"This whole thing…you were right, I should've said something." Kendall nodded. "But I'm still so…" she shook her head then took a deep breath. "You're not going to like what I have to say."

"As long as you're not saying that you want me out of your life," he ventured quietly.

Riley took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "Us…this…" she motioned between the two of them. "I'm not sure where it's going or where it could go but… right now…I think you need some time to yourself. You've changed since you started to go out with either of them, you put so much more emphasis on dating than on your career…your friends…" She cleared her throat. "But I'm still here to talk. I mean, I might not be always willing to talk about it when you want, but I'd still try to help somehow."

Kendall gave a half smile. He understood. "How long do I have to wait?"

"Until you think that I wouldn't hit you in the face," Riley replied so deadpan that Kendall couldn't help but laugh.

"Deal."

Kendall smiled and wrapped his arms around his best friend, giving her a hug. And the two sat there for a long time; using the silence as a buffer between the start of their new, strange friendship. Kendall was so focused on the sounds of the suspicious quiet house that it was a moment before he realized that Riley was snickering.

Snickering? What? Kendal leaned down to look into her face realizing she was starting to laugh. "What?" He asked incredulously.

"Nothing," she replied quickly. When Kendall continued to watch her she made herself stop, regaining her composure. "Nothing," she repeated. "It's just…" She squeezed an eye shut. "From what I've seen…you're kind of a bad kisser."

Kendall's eyes widened. He yelped. "What?!"

"You're a bad kisser."

"I'm _not_ a bad kisser!"

"Please. I've seen you kiss Jo and I've seen you kiss Lucy. Both times you've kissed them you don't have a lot of passion; it's like you're a dead fish. There's lip to lip contact but not much else to it." She rubbed her arm. "I mean, geez, you think for someone who gets a lot of girls they'd know how to kiss."

"Are you saying you do?"

"I haven't had any complaints." Her smile widened and she looked like she was about to start laughing again. "As for you liking me, boofhed, you were not subtle about that at all. I knew you liked me before you knew, _everyone_ knew before you knew."

"So why didn't you say anything?"

Riley shrugged. "Like I said, I couldn't do that to Jo."

"And now?"

Riley grinned. "What do you think?" Kendall smiled back. Things were starting to feel right between them again. He heard a low shuffling sound and a light rumble from the closed door that connected her room to her sister's. Riley looked over and said, completely unconcerned. "Oh, they're just eavesdropping," obviously referring to her brothers and sister. "Guess I don't have to tell them now."

"I bet they would've been the first one you told," Kendall said. "That we're friends again. That we're…" He tried to find the right word for it. "Us, again." That was perfect, he could feel it in his bones.

"Of course, I tell them everything." Riley bit her lower lip as she smiled. "But outside of my family, the first person I would've told is sitting right next to me."

* * *

 **A/N:** This part of their friendship/relationship (though I obviously love it as a whole) has always been one of my favorite parts to write/plan out (and *cough cough* re-write over and over). When I first came up with the idea (Which I'm sure is still a one-shot somewhere on this profile), everything was Kendall's fault, then I realized that it wouldn't make much sense if it were. He can take the bulk of the blame, but not all of it. Then on another attempt I tried to show how Riley had a good hand in what happened but didn't pull it off as well. So, third time's a charm.

Most of the scenario is the same, but I'm sure you'll find other parts that are changed/switched around that you'd enjoy as well.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riley**


	12. Like You Might Make a Mistake

**.:Chapter Eleven:.**

* * *

He was stressed, and he made a mistake. There was only so much one could handle when they had to watch a rock star—assigned by Gustavo and Kelly—and a stupid egg—assigned from Miss. Collins. Well, Kendall was the only one who didn't find taking care of an egg to be stupid.

How easy could it have been? He'd taken care of Katie as long as he could remember, and an egg didn't move, walk, or talk. It just sat there and all you had to do was take it with you everywhere you went. But watching the rock star—Babylace, was the one that made it hard for him. The fifty-year-old had done enough headbangers to receive enough concussions to make his mind…mush.

Taking care of the man was hard enough. What made things more difficult was that he was still trying to fix his friendship, relationship—he _still_ wasn't quite sure what it was—with Riley and things were weird. They hung out together like they used to, were able to talk again. He wanted more than that. But respected her decision that she felt he needed some time to himself. Still, it sucked that he could be so close yet so far.

It was torture watching her smile—or smirk—at him like that and not being able to do anything about it. How was anyone able to move on after having a deep and meaningful conversation that was _supposed_ to move them out of being friends and into a couple (like the movies) and it didn't work out? He was a hopeless romantic, but even that was a bitter pill to swallow.

 _Well, at least we're going to the Hall of Rock Awards tonight,_ Kendall reminded himself. It was the entire reason for the boys to babysit Babylace. Then he frowned, spinning the egg in his hands as he and Logan walked Babylace out to PalmWoods park for some fresh air. _Well, not together but at least we'll both be there._

The three walked out to the Palm Woods Park. "Don't you think it's a bit dangerous to be throwing your baby around like that?" Logan asked, eyeing Kendall throw the egg up and down, catching it gently in his palms.

"Did your dad not toss you around like that?" Kendall asked.

"No, my mom wouldn't let him," Logan replied. Then he gently elbowed Kendall in the side. "But I think that'd explain what happened to Carlos. At least he can't be broken as easily as an egg."

"And that explains the helmet."

The two laughed. Kendall caught the egg in his hand once more and looked over when he noticed Stephanie and Riley walking through the park, arm in arm. Then she bid Stephanie goodbye before noticing the boys. A bright smile came to her face, making Kendall's insides warm. "Hey," he greeted her.

"Hey Hockey-Head," she replied. "Hey Logan," she greeted him with a little less enthusiasm. Then her eyes landed on Babylace and she lifted her chin in a nod, "What's up, Babylace?"

"Doing alright, love," Babylace replied.

"You know Babylace?" Logan asked.

Riley waved her hand. "I met him through some of my friends in the UK. They worked together at the Brit Awards. I think we're presenting the category his award is in tonight, yeah?" Her eyes narrowed. "What are you guys doing with him?" Then she pointed towards Kendall. "And why are you holding an egg?"

"Oh, it's my baby," Kendall replied. At the confused expression on her face he explained, "Miss. Collins said we each needed to take care of an egg for a project. So for today it's my baby. James and Carlos are watching the others in the apartment."

"You got James and _Carlos_ to watch your eggs?"

"And you can see why I have mine with me." Kendall smiled. He held it out to her and she took it, moving it around in her hand. "And it's a baby."

"It's a bloody egg, Hockey-Head. But do with it what you want. I've seen you lot do much worse things, this hasn't thrown me." She flashed a smirk his way and Kendall's smile widened. He let out a sigh of relief and asked, "So, what are you doing right now?"

"Why?" Riley's eyebrows rose as she folded her arms. Her eyes flickered over the park, taking in those that were eating at nearby picnic tables and couples sitting on blankets. "Did you plan one of your girlie picnics or something?"

He noticed the suspicious edge to her tone and winced. Right. Picnics were his thing with Jo. Just like a goodbye kiss was. Just like he and Riley had a special hug and their handshake, and playing thumb war when talking and…yeah, he shouldn't have done that.

"No, no, it's not that Lucy—" Kendall immediately broke off when he noticed the stormy that came to Riley's face. "Riley! I meant Riley! I'm so sorry." He laughed nervously, noticing how high-pitched it was, scratching behind his ear. "Wow, that was horrible. Awkward, right?"

"Awkward would be if you called me Rhu, mate," She said flatly. "Considering we're twins it's bound to happen. But let's try this. I see you kiss a girl that may as well have been me, and then your ex-girlfriend comes back, who sees you bloody kissing that girl, too. And instead of trying to work out your problems you try to get _me_ to do it for you, and then spend almost a week trying to figure out whether you still wanted me around. That's awkward." She gave a humorless laugh and smashed his egg against his chest, making shell an egg yolk splatter everywhere. "And I mean awkward for you."

She stepped around him and stormed out of the Palm Woods, leaving Kendall to suck his lips into his mouth, knowing he screwed up and that he deserved it.

* * *

 **A/N:** Mmm, yeah, Riley was kind of a jerk for smashing that egg. It didn't do anything to her. Lol, but I hope you guys enjoyed it.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riley**


	13. There's Just One Life To Live

**.:Chapter Twelve:.**

* * *

If she were being completely honest, Riley knew something was going to happen.

Whether good or bad, she wasn't quite sure, but she knew something was going to happen. The bad, the bad were the things she could see clearly. She saw it for weeks, months, if she were being honest. But had bene able to play it off for others, despite the warm wave of fear that plagued her. Each box, each symptom was being ticked every time it came up. She could see the tidal wave coming but instead of getting out of the way, she continued to paddle towards it and ride it to shore to do it all again.

She could see she was getting angry at every little thing (it was the part that she hated the _MOST._ That was the part everyone relentlessly made fun of her of; saying she'd get mad at the sky if it were too blue, or the wind blowing too hard while simultaneously calling her crazy and psychotic). She could see herself with the energy to run marathons and get everything she'd put off finished. The energy to write and demo as many songs that came to her. Staying up at all hours of the night to get them done with very little exhaustion to hit her the next day, her energy racking higher and higher. Stay up all hours of the night in the darkness, just watching, waiting for something to happen. Would slip out of her bed, out of the house, and go walking around the neighborhood in that same darkness that enveloped her as it equally scared her.

The same darkness that influenced a lot of her work. It was no secret that of her siblings, a lot of her musical interests and influencers were of darker, heavier, angry sounds. Not that she didn't like and couldn't write happier, lighter, softer songs. She could do both easily, it followed her mood along with everything else. But when she got to that dark place, it was when the voices would come, she'd see shadows out of the corner of her eye, could see her own writing and art work was getting darker and darker as the time passed, a

She could see the way people looked at her when she talked, words slurring together with the speed she rushed through them, jumping from topic to topic and circling back around to the original one so fast it'd make their heads spin. Then there were the days she didn't feel like doing anything, where she wanted nothing more than to sit in bed and do…nothing. Days off were few and far between, but for someone who had the time, she typically filled it with things she enjoyed. Then there was the apathy. Most people wouldn't notice it, there were times where she downplayed a lot of things that would annoy anyone or herself, but even she noticed times where her indifference was worse.

She lost weight she didn't need to lose, was more impulsive in her ways of hanging out, in making purchases, in living a devil-may-care attitude, casually mentioning, "I never thought I'd make it to eighteen anyway," and ramped up her usual personality, with sprinklings of her onstage persona, to eleven. Almost overnight.

Those were all the bad things, all the parts she didn't like. All the parts she noticed moved in a cycle and could pinpoint _every fucking time_ the cycle started. She had her lows when she first met Big Time Rush, the abuse was bad, she was stressed from having to keep it a secret, stressed from taking care of her brothers and sister and being sure they had everything they needed, stressed from all the work they were doing. She had her highs when Robert was found out and sent to jail, when Ronan announced he wanted to adopt them, when the adoption proceedings went through, when she and her siblings really, truly, became friends with Big Time Rush and Jo and Camille and Stephanie, when she started to cultivate special friendships with each of them, when she saw her siblings thriving in their own personal friendships and relationships, when their band was taking off. Then the lows again, breaking up her friendship with Logan, seeing what happened when Logan and Rhuben broke up and the chaos that created with them and Camille, when it was revealed Robert wouldn't be getting any jail time, and…and all that had happened recently.

But the other part. The other part she liked. The other part was the good part.

The good, the extremely good would be…well, it was called hypersexuality but that was the part Riley didn't quite identify with. Not in the way most would. She wasn't one for casual sex—though if Chris Evans gave her a call, she may change her mind, let alone would just _anyone_ get that close to touch her. Did she consider herself a shameless flirt? Yes. Did she think kissing and making out was fun? Hell yes. That was as far as she's take it. But that excess energy had to go somewhere.

This time around, it went into her best friend and the guy she not so secretly had feelings for. She was the one who told Kendall he should spend some time on his own. He'd agreed. And yet, she was the one who felt it was more torturous than when they were fighting. How in the world could she spend so much time with someone who made her feel so special and not be able to do anything about it? They'd grown closer; that was for sure. The time they spent talking to each other was doubled down, they leaned against each other a lot, shared knowing looks, inside jokes, special smiles, and hugs and even held hands when the time called for it.

Still, she wanted more and sooner or later she got what she got her way. Nevertheless, she _loved_ that part. The butterflies in the stomach, the bright smiles passing over each of their faces the moment their eyes met, the light teasing and flirting that could go anywhere.

That's why, when the boys asked for her and her siblings help to convince Gustavo to let them go camping, she jumped at the chance. It'd give her the opportunity to stop. To just stop. To stop worrying about the worrying things that were starting to become more frequent as the days passed. To stop waiting and wondering what was happening with her and Kendall.

She teased him about it, time and time again, of his quoted saying, "Opportunities like this come once in a lifetime."

Now, it was time to see if it was true.


	14. And There's No Time To Wait To Waste

**.:Chapter Thirteen:.**

* * *

Kendall knew something was going to happen the moment he greeted Riley the morning of their camping trip. It was sort of a gut feeling when he'd woken up that early and looked through the text conversation they'd had the night before. And it wasn't confirmed until he, bogged down with camping gear, walked—practically skipped to her—and greeted her with a cheerful 'hey'.

Riley didn't respond. She continued to lean against the mini-van the Jacksons used to cart themselves around, arms folded and stared in front of her, eyebrows lowered in an intense look. Kendall watched her for a moment then waved his hand in front of her face. She didn't blink or lose focus on what it was she was looking at. Making a face, Kendall leaned over, trying to get a glimpse of what caught her attention, but found nothing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing more than cars whizzing by as they all packed their cars filled with their camping gear in Rocque Record's parking lot.

"I still say this is a bad idea," Gustavo stated loudly, standing off to the side as he folded his arms and pouted.

"Wait, Gustavo," James said slowly. He glanced at his friends, smiling to himself. "Are you saying you're going to be worried about us?"

"Worried?!" Gustavo barked in response. Beside him, Kelly rolled her eyes. How many times did he have to put on a front with the boys? Even as he barked, there was a quiver in his tone that was noticeable by every ten that stood around him. If he didn't notice Kelly's smirk, he did his best to ignore all the others directed his way.

Even Kendall couldn't help it. Gustavo had gotten on his nerves from the very beginning. From being kicked down verbally—he couldn't forget the many times the music producer had screamed an inch away from his face or ear—and ridiculed with his plans and schemes to righty any wrongs that came their way in the business—he would never get over how hideous that Red, White, and Boy outfit was. Or the Puppy-loving-Matador-in-Space looks they had for the very first photoshoot that'd show the world what kind of band they were. And over the years Gustavo had managed to nearly blow out his eardrums with eve slight inconvenience that came his way, but even Kendall knew Gustavo had started to see them as more than his 'dogs' or 'monkey-dogs'.

"Yeah, you know, worried about our well-being," Logan added, elbowing James in the side. James grinned back at him, eyes shining with mischief. "We are going to be going out in the big, bad wilderness with nothing more than the clothes on our backs and our wits."

"And the GPS that you insisted I bring," Camille called, waving the device over her head. She smirked when Logan's smile immediately faded, his smug façade melting like a candle. "Just in case we get lost."

"Don't forget the massive First Aid Kit," Stephanie added, nodding towards Jo, who struggled hefting a massive white box into the back of the Big Time Rush mobile. Patrick noticed and reached over, easily shoving it into the only space left open, earning a beaming smile from her in response. Standing nearby, Katie frowned and kicked at a rock, turning away to study the bags that were still on the ground.

"Dogs, I am worried," Gustavo declared. Kendall lifted his eyebrows, exchanging a glance with Carlos. All eyes turned to Gustavo, including Kelly's, as they turned to Gustavo in surprise. He'd never been one to admit his feelings like that. "I'm worried that you'll get yourselves killed and I'd be out of a band!"

"For a tick, I thought he was going to say he liked you lot," Noah commented, tilting his head.

"It'd probably kill him to do so," Sydney said. He leaned out the driver's side window of the van, an impatient expression twisted on his normally happy face. "Can we go now? I want to get there before it's dark!"

At that, Rhuben's eyes narrowed. She turned and tossed a set of keys over to Patrick, who shot up his hand and grabbed them out the air. "Because of that, he's riding with you. I don't want to hear him whinge the whole way up."

Patrick shrugged. "Better than with Riles, I can't imagine how much air you'd get flying over rocks and logs with how fast she drives." Then he frowned, put out. "Actually, that sounds like fun," he muttered.

"Don't even think about it," Ronan declared. He folded his arms and stood by Gustavo. With a jerk of his head towards the angry music producer he explained, "What Gustavo isn't saying is that we have insurance on you guys. And the only reason it took some time for us to let you go is because of the risks it would instigate."

"Like?" Carlos asked.

"For example, Carlos, you constantly wear your helmet for a reason. Apart from it being a comfort item you've managed to have things fall on your head or _you_ fall on your head enough for us to worry. There's a lot that can happen when camping."

"So what you're actually saying is that you don't trust us," Kendall said slowly. He then smiled when his mother stepped up and gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, "If that were the case, I wouldn't let you handle all your problems on your own." She shrugged. "It would cause a lot less damage, that's for sure."

"Oh, come on, it's not going to be like last time, mom!"

"You mean where you all managed to come back with broken legs?" Katie piped up. Kendall shot her a 'that's not helping' glare, making her smirk and shrug in response.

Lizzie coughed out a laugh. "How'd _that_ happen?"

"How does anything happen to them? They do something stupid and next thing you know, they're all in the hospital. Just like at my eighth birthday party, at their junior prom, when Kendall was trying to be a figure skater—"

"Hey, he was helping me!" Camille protested.

"And getting beaten up by Dak's fans—"

"—I'm innocent of that one," Dak said, raising his hand. "You all should know by now you don't get between fans and the people they idol."

"Too bad no one idols you anymore," Lizzie said with a grin towards her brother. Dak glared back and her while Kendall and Katie laughed.

"Don't worry about us," Kendall said once he finally managed to calm down long enough to speak. He looked each of the adult in the eye. "We're all going to be together, we won't stray from any of the trails, and we'll call you if anything goes wrong. Promise." He held up his hands. "You have nothing to worry about."

"Why don't those words sound comforting?" Kelly asked.

The corners of Ronan's lips turned up. "Probably because it's them."

"What could go wrong?" Carlos asked, and was immediately harshly and loudly shushed by all of his friends, prompting him to slap his hands over his mouth and back away, as if wounded. James and Logan both glared at him so fiercely he ducked behind Stephanie for protection.

"Famous last words," Katie muttered.

It was the third time that morning Kendall glared at her. "Don't help," he said. Then he stepped forward and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek and a tight hug. "There's nothing to worry about. We'll all be fine." He wrapped his arms around her in a hug. Still hugging his mother, he turned his gaze to Gustavo and said, "You have to let go of the leash some time."

"And let you dogs run around like a pack of wild dogs? I don't think so." Gustavo held up his finger. "But…I guess I…do…have to trust you at some point…" he struggled to get the words out. "This is a bone!"

"I thought you said you'd never give us another—" Logan flinched and jerked backwards when Gustavo thrust his palm in front of Logan's face then wagged his finger, as if telling him 'no'. "But what do I know?"

"Just be careful, that's all he's saying," Kelly said.

"That and he's glad the lot aren't going to be around to destroy Rocque Records as they do on a daily basis," Rhuben said. She reached out her hand and slapped the side of the van. "Let's go!" She called. "We're burning daylight." Then she took Dak's outstretched hand and followed him to his car with James and Jo following them.

Excitement burst through Kendall's chest. Finally, they were going camping. Finally, they were going to have some fun. Away from the stress of making music and touring and being role models and song writing, and…everything. They could sit back and have some fun pitching tents, making a campsite, making fires, having s'mores, looking up at the stars…everything that meant romance and more.

It was going to be perfect.

Kendall started to climb into the van and bumped into Riley who continued to stare straight ahead of her. Kendall frowned. A hit like that, short of a body check, would've knocked her over. But she sat still, hardly reacting to his bump. She hadn't reacted to Gustavo either, and busting on him was one of her favorite things to do when the opportunity presented itself and he lobbed many opportunities on goal for it.

"Riles? Helloooo?" Instead of waving a hand in front of her face, he rapped his knuckles on the side of her head. Riley blinked and within seconds, her face screwed up in an expression of fury. She knocked Kendall's hand away from her head.

"What?" She snapped.

"Are you okay? You…seem kind of out of it," Kendall said. When Riley arched an eyebrow he said, "Gustavo gave you plenty of time to make fun of him and you didn't even give a snide comment. That's, like, your favorite thing."

"I'm fine," Riley said quickly. She waved him off, jiggling her keys in her hand. Without a backwards glance, she unlocked the door, allowing Carlos to immediately clamber into the passenger seat. "I think I should be asking you if you're okay."

"Why?" Kendall asked.

"I reckon because you and the boys try to kill each other to get shotgun."

Kendall smiled. "Yeah, but we've also noticed that, lately, Carlos tends to get car sick in the back," he said.

"I thought he got car sick in the front?" Riley corrected him.

"He does. But he's much less annoying up there than in the back." Kendall patted her shoulder then held his hand there. "So, good luck having to deal with him the whole way up." The last thing he needed was to deal with Carlos's constant bouncing, questions, non-stop talking, and questions, questions, questions.

"Mmm." Riley folded her arms and twisted her body to face him. She rested her shoulder against the car and tapped her fingertips against her lips. "You know you're giving me free reign to kill him, right? I'm not saying it's going to happen, just that if the police come after me then I'd mark you as an accomplice since you warned me but let it happen, hey?"

"By now, I think they know us well enough to know we're harmless," Kendall said. Their first run in had been when they accidentally set off the alarms when housesitting for Gustavo, then there was Hawk kidnapping them, then there was them trying to steal back their demos from Hawk. Not to mention getting arrested when assaulting Gustavo during James's initial audition. Now that he thought about it, all his arrests started since meeting Gustavo. Maybe he was the one they should've avoided. "Well, as harmless as we can be."

"Knowing my luck, I'd be the one thrown in jail, I'm sure some of my past crimes are bound to catch up to me," Riley said. Kendall watched her for a moment, the expression on her face proved she was joking, but the flat way she said it made him unsure. She changed the subject, as if able to read his mind, "Now, the part I'm scared about is whether or not you can live up to your flannel." She tugged at the bottom of his shirt. "I mean, doesn't everyone in flannel have some affinity for being a mountain man?"

"Well, I have been known to do some hunting in my day."

"So you play hockey and you like to dwell in the forest and you liked to build birdhouses." Her eyes flashed with mischief, making Kendall smile. She was starting to act like her old self. The one he'd hoped would show up. He couldn't help but notice her shift in her moods the last few weeks, but continued to act as things were normal, no matter how confused it made him. "Are you sure you're not a caveman in disguise?"

Kendall started to respond then stopped when he heard a loud screech. Jumping, he dropped his hand from Riley's shoulder—trying his bets not to notice the sudden lack of warmth—and turned to see Carlos standing on the runner of the car, hands grasping the bars of the cargo load on the top. He shook the car back and forth yelling, "Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!"

Riley's eyes flickered. "Do you think anyone would be upset if I 'accidentally' ran him over in the parking lot?"

"No," Kendall said. "In fact, I'll help you hide the body."

"Deal."

The two did their handshake and Riley smiled at Kendall before turning to get into the driver's seat. Then she stopped and pointed at him. "So…how did you manage to break your leg at the junior prom? Better question, how do you keep breaking your legs?"

"It wasn't always my leg," Kendall said.

"Huh. Now I know why they call you 'Killer'." Sticking her tongue between her teeth, Riley smiled once more and climbed into the driver's seat. Kendall pulled open the side door and got into his own seat, and climbed inside, throwing the door shut. He buckled and leaned out of the way of Logan's excessive gesticulations as he went through the proper procedure of car safety and keeping it clean on their trip.

"Hey, 'Mille, would you miss Logan much if he suddenly went away?" Riley asked as she started the car.

Camille giggled as Logan continued to go through his spiel. She tucked some hair behind her ear. "Maybe a little, why?"

"Because if I'm going to kill 'Los, may as well cement my spot in jail and kill him as well."

Kendall laughed and turned towards the window, ready to completely ignore Logan's spiel until they were far enough away from Rocque Records to kill him, himself. He lifted his gaze and met Riley's in the rearview mirror. She winked back at him before pulling away from the curb.

Kendall's smile widened.

He should've paid more attention in that moment. From the way her mood changed from before leaving Rocque Records to when they were on the road. He'd thought it was impatience to go camping, she and her siblings had been emphatic about how much they loved to go—they leapt at the chance to convince Gustavo to go, including making a power point presentation to bring to Rocque Records. He should've noticed it all so that later, when things took a sharp turn, he would've been prepared.

Would've been prepared to sprint after her as she took off through the woods after screaming at her friends. He wasn't sure what it was, things had been going fine, and next thing he knew, she snapped.

* * *

Blinded by darkness, Kendall ran as fast as he could. The frantic sounds of his friend's voices back at the campsite faded as he continued to follow Riley. She moved faster than he thought for someone who couldn't see where they were going. Yet, Kendall continued to run, ignoring the stitch that appeared in his side, the cramping of his legs. He couldn't let her get away.

"Riley!" He shouted, sucking lungful's of air as he went. He felt pain start to radiate in his knee and gritted his teeth. An old injury that only seemed to plague him at the worst of times. To combat it he typically stretched it out as much as he could before rehearsing choreography, playing hockey, or doing any excessive workouts. It wasn't time for him to stop. "Riley, come back!"

He leapt over a fallen log, shoelaces catching on a branch that stuck out. "Ugh!" With a groan, Kendall fell hard to the ground. He winced in pain, gritting his teeth to clamp down on the scream that threatened to tear form his throat. His knee throbbed even stronger know, pushing along with his blood pressure, leg threatened to fall from beneath him as he got to his feet. Still, he pressed on, limping for a few steps before getting back to speed as he ran.

He could still hear her footsteps in front of him. Then, suddenly, they stopped. He heard nothing but his own ragged breathing, twigs snapping under his feet. He skidded to a stop and looked around. He couldn't see the glow of the campfire anymore, could barely make out the trees from the moonlight that beamed down on him. Chest heaving, Kendall twisted this way and that to find his friend.

"Riles!"

His voice sounded hollow as he heard it come from his mouth, drift on the wind around him. He listened hard, trying to hear a response, trying to hear any footsteps to alert him where Riley had gone. He was so focused on trying to catch a glimpse of her that he didn't see the branch come flying at him until it was too late. "Ah!" His head whipped to the side, blood trickled over his chin.

He brought up a hand, fingers slipping over and smearing the blood into his cheek. A cut opened just below his eye, on the apple of his cheek. Cringing, he ran his fingertip over the open wound, checking to see how deep it was. Not too deep, nothing he hadn't had to handle before. The moment he dropped his hand to his side, a loud scream reached his ears seconds before a heavy weight crashed against his chest.

Kendall fell back to the ground and felt a sharp sting against his face. For a moment, he thought a log had been thrown at him. It took a few seconds for him to realize that Riley had leapt atop of him, shrieking at the top of her lungs, wild, inhuman shrieks as she pummeled her fists against his face and chest.

Bringing up his arms, Kendall used them to shield himself from the blows that hit him. He struggled to grab Riley's wrists. She smacked him in the face and chest, stars exploding in front of his eyes when she got a good wallop to the side of his head, all the while continuing to scream.

"Riley. Riles! Stop! It's me!" Kendall cried as he continued to be beaten. He slapped her hands away from his face, lifting his legs to wrap around her waist. In a show of strength, he rocked the two over, pinning Riley to the ground beneath him. He grabbed her wrists, but Riley wasn't to be outdone. She thrashed beneath him as hard as she could, practically foaming at the mouth. "Riley, stop it!"

" _And you…you're just like your dad, spoiled and selfish."_

The words rang through Kendall's head as Riley continued trying to fight him off. The words she'd spat at him with so much vehemence it was as if she'd punched him. He expected her to say something bad about him, something horrific in line with the way she'd gone around all their friends. Something about him being a jerk, a bad friend, a loser, but not comparing him to his deadbeat father.

He didn't know what happened. All day her mood had fluctuated; from her snapping at everyone who asked her a question more than once, to the intense amount of energy she showed when doing everything to set up the campsite, to the way they'd been heating up and cooling off all day. It was frustrating, honestly. One minute they'd go on a walk together to get some fire wood, laughing and talking as they always did and the next she'd be annoyed by his starting a simple conversation, shutting him down with a hard stare. So much so he went in his head over and over what he could've done wrong.

Then something had changed so fast that no one saw it coming. One moment she was talking to Jo and Camille about something, then she started going off on Lizzie. Kendall wasn't paying too close attention, maybe she'd been taking a picture of the fire, it'd make sense as to why Riley suddenly snapped, "Are you good for anything other than taking pictures? Or are you so vain that it offsets being a boy crazy ditz?"

There was a moment of stunned silence before Dak immediately went to his sister's defense. "She's just taking a picture—"

"—Like she does every second of the day," Riley said with a roll of her eyes.

"Ri," Patrick said in warning. Lizzie's face crumpled and her shoulders slumped forward as she curled in on herself. Noah put his arm around her and said something that made her smile a little, though it quickly faded.

"And let's not get started with your picture taking." Riley climbed up off the log she'd been sitting on and folded her arms, moving to stand above Dak, staring down at him. Kendall had frowned, his eyebrows coming together as she watched her face. It was eerily empty, completely void of any emotion, eyes as dark as the night sky. "How many pictures on your phone of my sister are from _before_ you finally tricked her into dating you."

"I never tricked her!"

"Okay." Riley simply raised and lowered her shoulder in a shrug. " _Stalked_ her into dating you. Does that sound better, mate? I'm not sure the police would agree but…hey, I've always said you needed to get a fucking life."

"—Riley, shut up!" Rhuben snapped.

"Oh, _finally_ you decide to speak up," Riley quickly rounded on her sister like a rattlesnake charging after it's prey. "It's not like we didn't know you liked it, you could say you hated him as much as you wanted but no one bought it." She brought up her hand and tapped herself on the chin. "No, that's not it. You're just so desperate for his attention like you were with Logan's."

Rhuben got up and stood in front of her twin, the sisters glaring at each other. Kendall's eyes widened in surprise, he'd never seen the two of them fight. James, who sat next to him, stiffened and clenched his hands into fists. "I said, shut up."

" _And_ you've grown a bloody backbone, too? How long did that fucking take? Was it before or after your took your head out of Logan's ass and shoved it up Dak's? God, they got you so fucking blind that you don't even know how fucking self-centered you are!"

Rhuben's narrowed dangerously, easily mimicking the harsh glare that Riley had. Carlos muttered something that sounded like, "And I thought Riley's glare was bad," to which Kendall mentally agreed. He didn't dare open his mouth, unsure of what'd happened if he tried to intervene. "I'm not self-centered," Rhuben hissed but Riley continued speaking over her twin.

She spread her arms wide to address everyone around her, voice rising with each word. "Pop quiz! When was the last time you didn't blow off me or our brothers to go hang out with Dak? When was the last time that you helped the boys with their homework? When was the last time you spent the entire day with them? When was the last time you thought of _anyone_ but yourself and the little fantasy life you've got going on in your head? Like it's so much better than the life you've already got. When was the last time you put aside your own happiness for someone else? When was the last time you cared about anyone else but yourself? Or maybe I should ask Camille. It's great that you decided to let her have Logan, I mean, it's not like he's better than the guy who has _his_ head shoved so far up _your_ ass that he doesn't even know how to work a fucking dish washer!"

This time Logan took the opportunity to defend his girlfriend, who's head jerked back in surprise at suddenly being dragged into the fight. "I don't think…"

"Oh, don't get me started on you, Logan!" Riley snarled. "You act like you're so smart when, all you do is think with your dick. When you started out here you actually cared about a lot of things and now all you care about is what's going to get your dick wet. What sort of guy makes out with his girlfriend in the middle of a fancy restaurant in front of other diners and their music producers? What guy continuously leads two girls on because he can't seem to decide which one he likes better, lying to each girl and telling them they'll get together when he didn't have the guts to just choose one and then decides to try to use love science to figure it out?"

Kendall winced, then saw red. No matter what he felt about Riley, he wouldn't let anyone talk to his friends like that. His voice was so forceful when he said, "Riley, stop!" that he noticed Katie flinch beside him. He tried his hardest not to speak like that, having done it only a few times before.

She ignored him. And he watched as she went through each of their friends, screaming in their faces of what she disliked about each of them.

Jo: She made Kendall whipped and the two were so disgustingly dependent on each other it was like they couldn't function when they weren't around each other. They had nothing in common so what the hell did they ever date each other for?

Camille: You may as well admit that you liked Kendall before you liked Logan or else the slap you gave him just proves how completely nuts you are. Or is it that you liked James, too but just settled for Logan, it's hard to keep it all straight.

James: You have to stop comparing yourself to Kendall all the time, because it's obvious you keep trying to be the best because you still resent him for being the one Gustavo wanted. Get over it and move the fuck on because it's getting fucking old. We know you want to go solo, so just do it and rip the fucking band-aid off instead of holding everyone back.

Katie: Is a money hungry monster who puts all her affection into something that's not there for her and the more she does it, the more likely she's going to end up alone.

Carlos and Stephanie: …she doesn't really have a problem with them.

Kendall knew he was next and tried to cut her off before she got to be too far into it. He knew what his was going to be about, no matter how much he wished they could move past it. He hadn't thought of Lucy since she left if he were being honest. Her words froze him in place, "And _you!"_ She snarled at him. "Every time something with your band doesn't go the way you want it to, you have to make it what _you_ want. You waste the valuable time and professionalism of the people that are fucking hired to help you just because you _have_ to get your way." The next words were what hurt the most. She could've said every bad thing about him he thought of himself but none of it would hurt worse than, "You're just like your dad, spoiled and selfish."

Kendall's eyes bugged wide. "Spoiled?" He repeated.

"And selfish," She added. "You're such a fucking fake. You're all so fucking fake I don't even know how you stand it!" With a roar, she turned and kicked at the fire. A log fell over and sent embers in the air in a brilliant flash of light. At first, Kendall thought her face had been burned from how quickly she turned away and covered her face with her hands. Then he heard her loud, wild screaming.

Patrick quickly went to her, grabbing her arms. He barked at Noah over his shoulder, "Get Syd into a tent and call Ronan, tell him what's going on." Noah nodded and grabbed his youngest brother's arm—whose eyes were wide with fear—and dragged him away from the fire. His movement immediately made everyone snap out of their frozen state.

Questions fired left and right. "What the hell?"

"What's happening?"

"Is she okay?"

"What's going on?"

Patrick ignored them all. "Riles, listen to me. You need to sit down."

"Let go of me!" Riley shrieked, struggling to back away from her brother. " _Let go of me!"_ Her voice continued to rise in pitch and fervor. Finally, she broke free from Patrick's grasp and turned on her heel, sprinting away from the fire.

Kendall didn't waste a second before he ran after her, ignoring Rhuben's shout for him to come back. Not even twenty minutes later he found himself wrestling her to the ground to keep her still. Riley's hands slipped from his grasp and he felt her starting to scratch him. Grunting, Kendall brought his hand down and placed them on the sides of her face, holding her still. He put his face as close to hers as safely possible and started to shout back at her.

"It's me! Riley, stop! It's me! I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere!"

He repeated those words over and over until he saw the words were sinking in. Slowly, very slowly she stopped thrashing beneath him. Very slowly he could see the light coming back to her eyes. Exhausted, Kendall backed away from her and sat on the ground, wrapping his arms around his knees. He gasped for air, feeling his face, neck and chest sting further as the seconds passed. He was afraid to look at a reflection to know the damage. Didn't care.

He just needed to know Riley was okay. Kendall watched as she slowly rolled onto her side and pulled her knees up to her chest. Her breathing was as labored as his, but he could hear the shuddering of tears coming to her voice. "What'd you do?" she whispered. "What'd you do?"

Kendall got back to his knees and knelt over her. He brushed her hair back from her face. She flinched at his touch and backed away from him, curling further into a ball. "No, no, no, no, it's just me. Okay? It's just me. I'm not going to hurt you." Kendall continued to run his fingers over her cheek. "Shhh. It's okay, I'm right here."

Riley continued to tremble, her eyes shifting back and forth. Then she looked up at Kendall and her face crumpled. "Oh God," she whispered. "What'd I do? What'd I do?" Tears started to fall down her cheeks. "What happened? Tell me!"

Kendall lowered himself to the ground next to her, gently moved her head into his lap. "You don't remember?" His mind whirred. How could she not remember everything she'd just said? How could she not remember having run through the woods for the last twenty minutes. At the moment, it wasn't important, he just needed to know she was okay.

"No," she whimpered.

He swallowed hard. "It's not important. But everyone's okay. You're okay now." He continued to stroke her hair before moving his hand down to grasp hers. It took a second before she slowly wormed her hand up to his, holding it firmly. He could feel her shaking. It was then he noticed how cold it'd gotten. Kendall dropped her hand for a moment and wrapped his arms around her, pulling up and to his chest. Then he grabbed her hand again, this time feeling her grasp almost crush his fingers together.

She was terrified.

The two sat in silence for a long time. Kendall kept his arms around her, resting his chin atop her head. He gently rocked her back and forth, wrapping his arms tighter around her each time a chill blew through the trees.

"Did I do that to you?" Riley's voice was so quiet that at first, Kendall didn't realize she was speaking to him. She pulled her had back and rested a hand on his cheek. The wound on his face didn't sting, it'd scabbed over with dried blood. "Did I do that?"

"No," Kendall quickly lied. "I ran into a tree chasing after you. I didn't want you to get too far." He licked his lips, feeling his lip was split as well. He must've been a horrific sight if his mind's eye was correct. "I wanted to make sure you were okay." He paused for a moment. "You don't remember what happened?"

"I heard a crack," Riley muttered. "I was talking to Carlos about something, and then…I heard a loud crack." She reached up, tapping the side of her head. "Like a twig had snapped, but…it was in my head. I don't…I don't know what happened after that." She ran a hand through her hair, shook her head. "I ran out here. Why'd you come after me?"

"You _know_ why, Riles," Kendall said. There was no point in denying it. Not now. "I couldn't let anything happen to you. I care about you too much to let anything happen to you. I mean…I know you were in a mood…" Riley let out a low groan and ran her hand over her face. "Which...which isn't so strange—"

"It is when it happens a lot," Riley muttered. She closed her eyes, slapped the heels of her palms against her forehead. "I'm not…I'm never liked that. I get mad but…" She lowered her hands. "You shouldn't have come after me."

"I couldn't leave you out here by yourself!"

"With the way my mind's been working…" he realized she was talking to herself rather than him. "I tried to ignore it at first because I thought it was just exhaustion playing tricks on me. I haven't been sleeping very well. I talked myself out of worrying about it. I'm so used to working that even when I'm not I continue to sleep and wake up at all hours of the night because I've conditioned myself to do it. I could tell I was getting angrier but I kept talking myself out of it. Made up excuses. Then I started to see him everywhere and I knew something was wrong."

Saw someone everywhere? Kendall studied her face, studied the expression that was a mixture of horror and worry. "Who?" He asked. "Who'd you see?"

Riley took a deep, shuddering breath. Tears silently fell down her cheeks. Her lips parted and she croaked, "My dad."

"Do you see him now?" The words left Kendall's lips before he could stop them. Intellectually, he knew it wasn't possible. But he was looking at Riley at that moment and knew she truly believed she saw what she saw. She had that look on her face, the one he'd noticed earlier that morning. Where he saw her staring off into space, the same way she'd done a lot recently.

"Yes," Riley whispered.

"Where?"

"Behind you." At that, Kendall whipped around to see nothing behind him. Absolutely nothing. He turned back to Riley and she shuddered a few times before saying, "I knew it before but…something's wrong. I need help."

Again, Kendall grasped her face in his hands. "Then let me help you. I'm always here for you, Riles, no matter what. You know that. That's not stopping. Not now. Not ever. If you need help, I'm there. Like I should've been before." He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and wrapped her in a hug. Riley buried her face in his neck, holding him tightly. "I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Kendall wasn't sure how much time had passed as they sat in the woods. The moon's position in the sky shifted and yet he couldn't be too sure. All he knew or cared was that Riley was safe. He held her hand tightly in his as they made their way back to the campsite. They spotted the fire first, Riley shrank back when she noticed it but Kendall tightened his grasp on her hand, continuing to pull her forward.

The moment they stepped out into the clearing, Kendall was crushed in a hug by Katie, who threw her arms around his waist. Kendall grabbed onto her and held her just as tightly. He watched as his friends watched Riley lower her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry." She lifted her chin and looked to her sister.

"Are you going to take care of me now?" Riley mumbled, her voice so quiet that Kendall almost didn't hear. Rhuben lifted her arms and threw them around her sister's shoulders, hugging her twin sister tightly. Riley wrapped her arms around her sister's waist and the two held onto each other, trembling.

Over Riley's shoulder, Rhuben looked at Kendall and mouthed, 'thank you'.

Kendall nodded back. There was no point in saying thanks, he would've done it over again, just to make sure she was safe. So much so that when the ambulances took them to the hospital, he insisted to ride along with her, holding her hand the entire way.

He made a promise.

He wasn't going anywhere.

* * *

 **A/N:** If you've read my (discontinued) Story _Wait For Me_ this is one of he things Riley's needed to apologize about to her friends, saying everything she'd secretly thought of them.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riles**


	15. So Let Me Give Your Heart A Break

**.:Chapter Fourteen:.**

* * *

Riley watched her brothers and sister move back and forth from her closet to the floor of her room, all holding up pieces of her clothing. When there was something they disliked or found couldn't be removed from the article of clothing, they dumped it onto the floor, creating an ever-growing pile.

"I asked if you'd take care of me, not hover," She finally remarked, pushing a hand through her hair before letting out a frustrated sigh.

Sydney, who sat next to her and her open bag, folded up a longsleeved shirt and placed it into her bag with utmost care. Then he smiled at her, dimples appearing in his cheeks. making Riley smile back.

Rhuben, who stood by the front of Riley's closet, turning a sweatshirt this way and that said, "In my experience, it's the same thing you do."

"Yeah, but not as annoying." Riley curled up on her bed and let out a long sigh. She noticed Noah hold up a pair of shorts towards her and she shook her head. "The elastic on that one is worn down, yeah? And without that, you have to take the drawstring out and it won't stay up."

"You sure about that?"

"About not wanting my pants to fall down? Yeah, I think I'm pretty sure about it."

Patrick flipped his hair from his face and gave her a funny smile. "I think she meant more that you don't hover. I can attest that you do, Ri-bread." Riley made a face at him and he quickly added, "You're not a helicopter parent, but close enough."

"Gee thanks."

"In a good way!"

Rhuben planted her hands on her hips, glaring at her brother. "Don't help," she said.

"What?" He shrugged. "I think hovering is a little bit better than being self-centered, but I didn't tell her that." Behind him, Noah rolled his eyes and shook his head while Riley, Rhuben, and Sydney all made sounds of exasperation, making Patrick smile.

"Just…go see if Ronan's ready to go," Rhuben instructed, waving her brothers out of the room. Patrick and Noah did as they were told while Sydney stayed where he was on the bed. "Syd." Sydney turned his head and looked at his eldest sister.

Riley knew he wasn't going to leave without it being expressed from her first. She nodded towards her door. "Go on," she said gently. Sydney continued to look at her. Riley felt her heart warm. He hadn't left her side since she returned from the hospital, following her around the house everywhere she went. Even if she were just curled up on the couch reading, he'd be in a chair nearby, periodically looking at her as if to be sure she was still there. "I promise I'm not going without saying goodbye, Little Man. Now, go on."

"Okay." He slid off the bed, taking Riley's bag with him as he went.

Rhuben walked over and sat on the foot of her sister's bed. She was quiet for a long moment, eyes shifting back and forth as she thought. She tilted her head, her hair waterfalling from one side of her face to the other. "Am I really that self-centered?" She asked.

Riley lifted her fingers on her left hand then dropped them back to her lap. She shrugged, glancing at the picture of herself and Kendall that rested on her bedside table. "I get it," she said. "When you like someone, you want to be around them." She rolled her eyes, and added, "But even I don't want to be around Kendall that much." He, as much as she liked him, James, Logan, and Carlos, did make her reach to a point to be annoyed by their presence. It was a part of Gustavo she could sympathize with, sometimes they could be so exhausting. She conveniently ignored the thought that Ronan had said the same about her and her siblings many times before.

"You don't like him, do you?" Rhuben asked.

"Do you think I would've gotten so mad about him and Jo if I didn't like him?" Riley lifted an eyebrow. "I can be a jerk, but I'm not _that_ much of a jerk."

Rhuben smiled. "I meant Dak."

"I like him just fine."

"As my boyfriend?"

" _Is_ he your boyfriend?"

Rhuben seemed to concede the question with a bob of her head and changed it to be, 'as the guy I'm seeing'. Riley gave her a wry smile in response. "You didn't like Nic." Her ex of a few years by that point. She'd broke up with him before going out to LA semi-permanently, knowing a long distance relationship wouldn't work. Wouldn't work at their age, wouldn't work due to their combined personalities, wouldn't work due to his wanderlust. They never hated

"In my defense, Nic even hit on me when he felt like it."

"Yeah, well, Nic was special." Riley couldn't help but laugh. 'Special' wasn't even the right word that came to her ex. Anyone that knew them would've questioned why she decided to date him. If Riley had to describe him negatively, he was, plain and simple, a flirt. If she were being a bit crass, a perverted flirt. If she were being completely truthful, he could be pretty damn misogynistic. However, she knew him to be different and taught him to be different as they went from being best friends to dating; knowing he was acting out from the pain he felt over his constantly fighting parents—parents who fought so much it would've been a God send for them to divorce. "And I'm about 90% sure he thought you were me."

"You know that for sure?"

"He all but told me." Riley's lips curled back into a soft smile. "Funny how that's all I needed to care about back then." Her smile faded. "Now I've got to worry about whether I'll be the same person when I come out from the hospital."

"You have before."

"I was on different medication then." Riley lifted her gaze from her hands and found her twin staring at her with a raised eyebrow.

She knew Rhuben would've been able to see through exactly what her fears were. It had nothing to do with going to the hospital, the mental hospital. She'd been in there two times before. It was as they said, third times the charm. It was her worries of her friends and family's reaction to her when she got out that was the problem.

So far, everyone had been understanding once Ronan had taken the time to explain it to them. They had gone to the hospital shortly after Kendall and Riley were driven away, to get checked out. They weren't angry at what she'd said, there was some truth to her accusations. It was the misunderstanding of _why_ she'd said it that bothered them.

Riley refused to come out of her hospital room, to see her friends when she gave Ronan the go-ahead to tell her friends what was going on. She couldn't bare for them to be disgusted or shun her for it. Mental illness was always misunderstood and stigmatized, she'd lost some friends from her second trip to the hospital. She didn't want to lose anymore, the thought of it scared her more than the thought of Robert having got to them did.

So far they'd all visited her at the house, glad she was okay. Carlos had given her a present of his large stuffy puppy from their photo shoot, saying she needed it more than he did. Riley was especially touched at that, knowing it was his most prized possession other than his helmet and he'd never give that up. Logan had given her a couple of books to read, that he thought she'd enjoy. They weren't close friends, but it was a nice gesture knowing it was some of his favorite stories—plus, she was sure he'd looked up what happened in mental hospitals and had an idea of the downtime she had. James, of course, had given her one of his head headshot, specifically his doctor headshot—"so I'll be there to take care of you," he explained as she laughed.

The girls had given her all sorts of candy and comfort items in a large care package basket, of which she was sad to leave behind. There wasn't so much she could bring into the hospital that was allowed. Some comfort items, not many. Not even her phone. That was the part that scared her the most, it wasn't not having her phone, but being unable to be in immediately contact with her family.

So what? Many would think. It was only three days.

Three days was a long time for someone who was always with their family.

Plus, Kendall hadn't visited her yet.

Rhuben gave her a small smile and squeezed her foot before standing up. "Do you have everything?"

Riley made a show of looking around the floor of her room. "Well, I lost my mind ages ago and I think I'd like to find that." She laughed at her own joke as Rhuben left her room. Then she sighed and reached down beside her bed to pick up her sketchbook. She frowned, looking over the drawing she'd been working on while camping, before thins went south. She couldn't even recognize what it was supposed to be.

Flipping the page over, Riley picked up a piece of charcoal, flipping it between her fingers. She stared at the blank page, its irony not lost on her. Blank page and all that. It wasn't really her thing, thinking of life that way. She was too much of a realist for that.

She glanced up at the sound of a knock on her door. Intellectually, she knew it was Kendall before she'd even looked up. He was the only one who knocked, the rest of them tended to just barge in. Nevertheless, she couldn't help but be surprised—pleasantly surprised—to see Kendall standing in the doorway holding onto a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a small box in the other.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"Hey," Riley replied. She sat up straight, moving to sit cross-legged, giving him space to sit with her. She tucked her hair behind her ears. "What are you doing here?"

Kendall gave her an offended look as he sat down, the plastic wrapped around the bouquet rustling as he did so. "Do you really have to ask? I thought we'd been through enough together for you to know." He flicked his hair from his face before looking her in the eye. "You thought I wouldn't come to see you."

"I don't know, Hockey-Head," Riley said, wrapping her arms around her knees. Then she dropped her hand and started to pick at the threading of her duvet. "You guys always said I was cray, you just didn't know it was true. Not many people react well to knowing someone isn't all there." She tapped at her temple.

"You're being way too hard on yourself," Kendall said. He set the flowers and box aside, mimicking her stance, bringing up his knees to wrap his arms around them, being careful to take off his shoes first. "Everyone makes mistakes." He scratched at his neck, being careful not to disturb the bandage plastered there.

Riley winced, seeing that and the healing marks on his cheek. "Looking at my entire track record, I think that might be my worst one."

He waved his hand. "Ah, it doesn't really hurt."

"I bet it itches though."

"Like a bitch."

"I know the feeling. The healing process sucks."

"I've managed to have knee surgery, break my leg, get so many concussions, black eyes, bruised ribs, sprained wrists, twisted ankles, and probably more jammed fingers and toes than you could ever imagine," Kendall said, counting off on his fingers. "If I can heal from all those, then I can handle this."

"But you're not bragging," Riley teased.

Kendall shook his head. "No, I'm not bragging." He angled his head towards the door. "So, I passed your brothers and sister on the way in." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm kind of surprised they haven't tried to kill me yet." Riley's eyebrows lowered in confusion. "Well, this is my fault—"

"—None of this is your fault," Riley insisted earnestly. "Why would you think it is?"

He blinked at her. "I don't know, I guess…well...before you…" he pressed his lips together. "Um."

"Had my breakdown?"

"Yeah. I did notice your moods would change and the last time that happened was when Lucy was around and, you know, the stuff with Jo…"

Riley slowly nodded. "You've got a real high opinion of yourself, don't you?" He looks stricken enough for Riley to quickly let him off the hook. "It didn't have to do with you. It's been happening for a while, I was just too scared to say anything about it."

"Oh. I thought they'd be mad about what happened." She knew what he meant. What happened when she broke off their friendship. What happened when he took advantage of her. What happened between them that strained their friendship. What happened when Lucy and Jo were around. "I thought they'd come see me, you know, for hurting you."

"They were upset, but they'd never kill you over it. Because one," she held up her thumb. "They know I'd kill you myself and would never have to do it." Kendall smiled. She held up her index finger. "Two; that's a very archaic and misogynistic way of thinking, that I need them to intimidate or threaten anyone I'm seeing." Then she held up her middle finger. "And three; they're your friends, too."

"They're still my friends?"

"Mhm." Riley paused. "Are _we_ still friends?"

"Well, I wouldn't go running into the woods for anyone," Kendall reminded her. He bobbed his head back and forth. "My mom, Katie, my buds, _maybe_ Gustavo…" his voice trailed off as he thought about it. "Okay, for Kelly definitely, I'm not so sure about Gustavo. I mean, he'd leave us in there to die." The two laughed loudly. "And, by now, I think we're more than friends."

Riley hummed, brining her chin to rest on her knees. "If we're being honest, we've been more than bloody friends for a long time, yeah?" He nodded in agreement and smiled softly, making Riley smile in response. She tilted her head towards the flowers. "Those for me?"

"Yeah." Kendall moved the bouquet into his grasp and handed them to Riley, who blushed happily. She turned the flowers her way and smiled wider when she saw they were a mixture of daisies and sunflowers, their favorite flowers. "I thought they might cheer you up a little." He then grabbed the box and gently moved it forward. "I made you this, too."

"You made it?" She eyed the box warily, slowly moving to open it. "It's not going to jump out at me is it? It's not the day of pranks already?"

"Oh no, we still have months of planning for that." Kendall watched her eagerly as Riley opened the box. She glanced inside then made a face, pulling a folded up sheet of paper out. "Is this a paper crane?"

"Yeah!" Kendall's eyes shone with pride. "I made one hundred paper cranes for you." He hid his hands, fingers covered in band-aids from the papercuts he received when doing it. "I looked it up and when you make a lot of them you can make a wish from it. I made them so you can get your wish."

Riley smiled. Then she started to laugh, hard enough to bring tears to her eyes. "A thousand," she said. "You need to fold a thousand paper cranes to get a wish," she explained. "If you want to follow true Japanese lore, anyway. But that's really sweet." She reached out and squeezed his hand. "Thanks."

Despite looking crestfallen, Kendall smiled and shrugged. "Well, it's the thought that counts."

"It's an amazing thought."

"You're an amazing girl." Kendall sighed seriously. "I've always known that. And I don't want to forget. I know my timing really sucks, but we've been through a lot together and if we can get through this then I can't imagine anything we can't get through. I really want to try this out," he motioned back and forth between them. "When you're ready."

Riley's smile widened. "I'd love to." Then she paused, her smile slowly fading. "…If you can wait three days."

Kendall blinked at her. "I know you have a bit of a schedule follower, but I didn't think you had to plan your dates three days in advance."

Now Riley sighed seriously. She set her flowers and cranes aside and reached out to grab his hand. "It's not that, it's…I'm not going to be around for three days." Kendall waited patiently for her to continue. "I'm going to be in the hospital. For a 72-hour hold, I'm voluntarily putting myself in a 72-hour' hold."

"What's a…72-hour hold?" He all but whispered.

Riley's gaze turned toward the ceiling. This was the hardest part. Having to explain everything. "It means that for three days, I'm voluntarily allowing myself to be checked into a psychiatric hospital for a professional mental evaluation and recovering from a mental breakdown. It'll also give me the chance for a update in my medication."

"What happens when you're there?"

Riley quickly rattled it off. "Well, for those three days I can't leave. I have to do the full 72 hours. I can't have any jewelry, personal care items, belts, shoelaces, or my phone. I can't have anything with glass or sharp edges, I can't bring any pictures CDs or notebooks. I'll be following a strict schedule of food, group treatments, medications, activities, and bedtime. I can't shower with any privacy, I can't close the door when I go to the bathroom. I'll be constantly watched. I'll have blood tests for my medication levels, and physical and mental tests. If things go well, after those three days I can go home. After that, I'll be on outpatient treatment for probably the rest of my life, my therapy appointments with Angel will help but there'll be some other things I have to do." She ran a hand through her hair. "I'll have to get my brain scanned once a month for a long while so my medical bills are going to skyrocket." The corner of her mouth turned up. "I guess it'll give me experience to become a doctor."

"Can you get any visitors?" Kendall asked. Riley shook her head. "Not even your family?" She shook her head again. "Wow. I'm sorry."

"So'm I," Riley agreed. "For everything I've done and said to you guys."

"You said you knew it was happening?"

Another nod. "I knew…I was taking my medicine every fucking day, like I was supposed to. Pat is my…" she paused, trying to find the right word. "He's the one who monitors me taking my medicine. Ever since I was put on it, I've always taken it, I take all of them. But I knew something was wrong because the symptoms came back, I couldn't understand why it was happening when I was doing everything right, so I ignored it."

"You were sacred." He didn't question it, he stated it. Riley nodded silently. Kendall sucked in a deep breath, squeezed her hand and said, "I can wait three days. I've waited this long for you."

Touched, Riley moved closer to him. "I think you've waited long enough, Hockey-Head," she said and kissed him. A simple press of her lips against his. An almost shy of saying 'thank you, for everything'. Then it changed. Then Kendall dropped her hand and framed her face in his, a gentle caress against her cheeks that made butterflies take flight in her stomach. That kiss was soft. The next was intense, spurned from two people who'd waited so long for it, waited so long for the perfect moment when perfection was an unobtainable goal. Perfection. Bliss.

Riley pulled back and placed a kiss to his forehead. "That should tide you over, yeah?. I hope I'm fucking worth it."

"I have it on good authority that you are," Kendall said.

Riley smiled and her gaze shifted to the side when she saw Ronan leaning into her room. He had a sad smile on his face. "Time to get going, Ripcurl," he said gently. "They said if you don't get there in an hour they'll send someone over."

Another sigh. She knew what that meant. If she didn't go then, it meant they'd think she was changing her mind and they'd send the police after her to take her to treatment. Social media would have a field day with that one, along with what'd happened if word got out. It was the least of her problems, the thought way in the back of her mind. What worried her was that she wouldn't be able to bring her comfort items with her.

Her family, her friends, her—maybe—boyfriend. Her nightlight. A guiding light in the dark. Knight Light. Riley smirked to herself. It was just the cheesy, romantic thing he'd come up with. She'd definitely been spending a lot of time with him.

"I can walk you down," Kendall offered.

She didn't hear him, she was too focused on a quick glance around her room, knowing she'd be leaving it in a few minutes. Not after minutes of hugs from her brothers and sister, she'd be sure to get that in, not wanting them to go with her. She didn't want them to see the inside, didn't want to have to wait for them to one by one to be allowed to come back to say their goodbye. No, she needed all of them.

Most importantly, she needed to remember a note she'd made about Kendall way back when they first met, the very first day they worked together to get the band prepared for their debut to Griffin.

 _-Clearly the leader_

 _-Uncooperative_

 _-Treats it like a joke_

- _Gustavo chose him for a reason._

He was chosen for a reason, just as there was a reason for them to be friends, to be best friends. She truly believed it was meant to happen, that he was always meant to be there for her and for her to him. Sometimes things would be one-sided but they'd be there.

Just as she knew he'd be there when she got back.

He always was.

* * *

 **THE END**

* * *

 **A/N:** And that's the end! I'm so glad you guys enjoyed it so much. I enjoyed writing many aspects of this, to get more into the friendship Kendall and Riley have with each other and how much they, as a whole, do care about each other. And even being able to show more of Riley's and Rhuben's relationship as sisters. I decided to focus on that aspect of the Jackson family because we see them with their brothers a lot but not the twin girls.

As with every story there are some things that I'd change if I were go back to write it but all in all I loved this and I hope you did, too.

 **Cheers,**

 **-Riley**


End file.
